The Female Life Experience

 

Please read to understand what it means to be female in this society…

I often encounter men who have NO CLUE why I am as cautious, questioning, a bit anxious about certain topics, or hesitant to progress with them. There are many reasons why. I promise you, I am not alone in my female experience

“Modern men” need to gain an understanding about what the female life experience is.

What is this experience? Let me sum it up for you…I will try to be brief…

I have beauty standards, motherhood, and domesticity pushed upon in at an early age of 2-3 years old in the form of gender based toys…fake makeup, dolls, toy kitchens, barbies…

I will be made fun of by peers if I want anything that boys would want (microscopes, chemistry sets, lasers, anything not girl).

I am told to smile because it makes my face prettier.

I am dressed in clothing that would make me a pretty girl.

I am sexualized by the time I am 12…because my body changes into more of a shape that makes me “attractive” to men…larger breasts…hips widen.

I have boys offer sexual favors by the time I am 13.

Street harassment starts and is consistent throughout my life.

Once I become a teenager in high school, I have already been called various derogatory terms for a sexual woman because my body looks like a woman.

Family members tell me how I’m all grown up…How pretty I am…Boys are evil and should keep away or grandpa will shoot them with his rifle. Grown men at church pay more attention to me and find reasons to hug me.

Boys at school start false rumors about my sexuality because they are attracted to me and “boys will be boys.”

I start college and am required to take a defense course because women in this trade are assaulted regularly.

I am stalked 3 times by boys. A few family members tell me it’s because I’m so pretty.

One of the boys sexually assaults me at a club when I am 19…not raped, fortunately.

One stalker forced me to move in with my grandparents so he could no longer find me.

I do not report anything because I am afraid and think this is my fault because I must have given off the wrong signals. Shame on me.

I say nothing to my family because I can’t bear to be blamed for this.

I’ve been conditioned to self loathe my body because I am not a supermodel. Eating disorders start as well as reckless exercise.

Street harassment as well as sexist and misogynistic comments do not cease.

At 21, I work for a man who keeps porn on his computer and magazines in his desk. He has business ties with local strip club owners. He encourages me to sell to them (I do as it’s my job) as well as work for them (I decline). Even received phone calls from the head of all the chains asking me to join him.

I later become a DJ and play at fraternity parties getting regularly harassed by drunk men.

My agent wants to engage in sexual relations with me. I decline. He takes a bigger cut than what he takes from the males.

I could give endless examples of more of the same…

Fast forward to re entering university…I am regularly harassed by a boy in my science classes. He tells me the sexual things he wants to do to me. It took me humiliating him to get hi to leave me alone. I saw him on campus the other day…he had found my dating profile as well as my FB. Tried to get me to go out with him again. I had to block him across the board to get him to leave me alone.

I get told science is hard and that I am girl…then denied letter of recommendation to enter grad school by a male professor of whom I did a year’s worth of undergrad research with.

Dating sites, I get bombarded by messages from men who want to take from me. They are explicit in nature…few are actually well thought out and polite. They hide behind the cloak of anonymity that the internet provides.

Social media, I get unsolicited penis pics sent to me. I have rude and explicit direct messages as well as public mentions. I am slut shamed. Yet if I don’t comply, I am a prude.

Street harassment does not stop…sometimes wearing headphones doesn’t work either, because some men ignore this subtle cue of a request to leave me alone.

I am once again sexually assaulted by a different man I trusted.

I am stalked again…this time digitally on social media and harassed via email and phone. It affects my work, and I have to notify my boss about it. Fortunately he is understanding and gives support.

Why am I telling you this? Because every 109 seconds, an American is sexually assaulted. 90% of those people are female. 1 in 6 women are sexually assaulted. Only 6 in 1,000 people will serve time for sexual assault. This is based on those who reported…I did not report. I can not fathom how much larger this number is.

Statistics: RAINN

So again, why am I telling you this? Because I am not the only woman this happens to. When you are at a party/work/bar, take a look around…1 in 6 women are me…but truthfully? That number is likely much larger. When you talk to women, you need to realize the scope of their possible life. I promise you, my story is a common one for many women.

They don’t speak out…why?

  1. They don’t see the point. (No one really goes to prison)
  2. They’ve been conditioned not to and to self blame.
  3. They don’t want to be shamed.
  4. They don’t want you to judge them.
  5. They don’t want to hurt others (family, current partner).

Men…remember this when speaking to women. They’ve been at battle their whole lives for just being female. Do not take things personally.

Read to understand…speak out against those who harm us…give us a space so we can be vocal without fear.

Thank you for reading

M x

Breaking the Brat…

From time to time I double Domme…meaning I play a submissive along with another Dominant. I had the pleasure of playing with a lovely little lady of whom I call L. I also had the pleasure of showing off my Domme skills with another male Dominant of whom I will call D.

L and I became acquainted over a long period of time via the internet. She and I would chat about various things including kink…We steadily became friends…I planned a trip to visit the town where she lived…She expressed interest in play. L is beautiful and I absolutely wanted to play with her…I wanted her in my hands…I wanted her to experience the Domme side of me…

I came to know D in a very similar way. We chatted and developed a steady friendship that developed into a closeness that we were able to explore much later…I was very attracted to D…he heavily pushed my submissive buttons…when D heard I was coming to town to visit, I mentioned that I would be seeking play. Naturally, since D knew L and had played with her, it seemed fit for all of us to experience this together…

I had met L (the sub) at a bar to get a bit more acquainted prior to our play date. She was all smiles. She seemed a bit nervous but had a glimmer in her eye that revealed an underlying excitement.

She would ask me what I had in store for her. I would not tell her.

I wanted her to wait. I wanted her to stew. I wanted her to be surprised…I had plans for this one…

She had bragged to me saying that I could not break her. I could not make her come…not with a specific instrument…

I do not know if the Dom that was working with me had managed to break her in the past. I imagine he had.

It was my thought that I would be able to do it. I could get in her head…I could have her long for my touch…long for that kiss…long for my hand on her body…She would most certainly give me what I wanted…she did not know it yet…and she would want more…

The thing that separates me from many Dommes/Doms is that I am truly 100% switch. I am as much of a sub as I am a Domme. I know the sting of a whip. I know the rush of hard play. I have experienced giving and receiving pain in large amounts. I know what it takes to break a brat…Because I know what it takes to break me…

On the Day of Play…

I go to the local hardware store and peruse the shop looking for potential toys. I know what I want. I am an earnest fan of making my own toys or finding things in various stores to use as toys.

I looked at duct tape, zip ties, candles, power tools…then I went to the plumbing department…Chrome…a cold, bright silver chrome pipe…and a long rod of rebar that fit ever so nicely inside the chrome pipe…Both would provide different sensations. The chrome a hard, cold thud…The rebar…a tickle…

I was thrilled! I audibly squeed in the store and clapped my hands. It was relatively clear that the people there were surprised that a girl in the plumbing department in a hardware store could get so excited. I happily purchased my wares.

I later stopped at a grocery store and picked up some plastic clothes pins to use for play…and champagne of course…Champagne can be used as more than as a beverage…

Taking public transport was interesting with my full bag of toys. I had a giant red duffle bag that was full of various instruments of pain and tickles. The long chrome pipe was not concealed and protruded from the bag. I received odd looks. I figured if anyone asked, I would say that I am a performance artist…which in many ways is completely true…

I arrive at our meeting location…

We met at a bar prior to play for a drink and a chat. I had discussed limits with both the Dom and the sub prior to meeting them. This day of play had been scheduled for quite a while. This Dom, D, had already experienced play with this sub. He was very curious as to my abilities and techniques. I was glad to have him there so I could take solid cues in regards to L. I always put the safety of those who sub/bottom to me first. I had never seen her played before that day. I wanted to make sure that I would not push her too far…

L tells D to get her some wine as she goes to the ladies’ room. He looks at me and tells me how cheeky she is for assuming and demanding that. I smile and say that it is OK…I’ll make her pay for it later.

I eat some chips and a little bit of hummus. We all have wine. Anticipation grows as we each look at each other and make small talk. The time comes to go to the private dungeon. It is only a few blocks walk…

We arrive…

The private dungeon is in a seemingly residential area…It has individual rooms. I did not see the other rooms but I imagine that they cater to a specific theme. D had made arrangements for the dungeon. I was not disappointed. It had all of the essentials.

L goes into the bathroom and changes. I am fairly comfortable around D so I changed in the dungeon. He does not oppose this decision. He pauses, takes a glance at me while I change, put his gloved hand to his mouth, and smiles wickedly…

I wear a black and shiny string bikini top…fishnets…black lace panties..and knee high, strapped, leather stiletto boots. I leave my fire red hair down…As a Domme, it is essential that I dress the way I want to feel. I wanted to feel strong, tall, and dripping with sexual energy…

L comes out in a beautiful purple and black lace bra and panty set with thigh high stockings. She is gorgeous…She seems a bit nervous and a little shaky. I imagine the anticipation was finally getting to her. D walks up to her, whispers words to her then tells her to go lie on the spanking bench…

I am not a tall woman by any means…Many call me small…To some I am tiny…L is a little slip of a girl…much smaller than me. In my boots and gear…I towered over her. I wanted her to feel my strength…

The dungeon had toys there…I am always a bit leery of toys that belong to others. I clean my gear. I know where my gear has been…so I use only my gear…I have my toys laid out and ready for use…

I walk over to L and give her my instructions…I grab her by the hair, pull her head up and whisper into her ear…I tell her that I want her to follow my instructions. I ask her if she is going to be a good girl for me. She responds with a quivering, “Yes, Ma’am…”

I am a resourceful Domme and find joy in using everyday things as toys. I decided to warm up L with a ping pong paddle. It has tiny bumps on it that provide a stingy and thuddy sensation…and when rubbed on a paddled and heated spot…it can send tingles of pleasure…

D tells L that he has brought me in…a proper and experienced Domme to play with her…They both are excited that I am there…I hold the same excitement…we all are grateful for the opportunity…

D takes his place and stands over me watching me…I can feel his ever watchful gaze on me…He has a profound presence when he wants it to be made known…

I did fear that I would turn quite subby with D around looking at me as he did…he is one of the few that can illicit that type of response with me…I had to throw myself into Domme mode completely because if D gave me a certain look or touched me in a specific way…I would lose all of my concentration…

I squat down behind L with her perfect bottom in view…not far from my face…I lightly paddle her exposed areas…she starts to wiggle a bit…I add a bit of force building up with each blow…the soft flesh becomes pink, hot and red…she wiggles and moans…she then thanks me for warming her up…

D grabs the chrome pipe and I handle the rebar…He takes a moment to feel the weight of it…he swings it around a bit. I tell L that I have bought something just for her. D strikes her ass with the cane. She jumps a bit and moans. I follow with a tickle of rebar to her feet. I can not help but smile at the reaction L has…she giggles a bit and her feet squirm as I tickle her relentlessly and D canes her with the cold chrome.

I laugh…D smiles wickedly…L is being subjected to conflicting sensations. I wanted her to be completely lost in the experience. We were guiding her. We were taking her on a journey of the senses…She would get lost in all of this…but we would guide her back…

With L laughing through the pain of the cane…D and I take turns delivering the confusing sensations…

We give L a break and indulge in a bit of champagne. L does not need any at the moment…so, I tell her how good she is being and trail my hand down the back of  her exposed body…

D walks over to me and gives me quite a delicious look…it is one of those looks that causes my world to pause…I had to keep the sub side at bay…I drink my champagne and D recommends that we restrain L to a fixture while she stands…

I regain composure…

Using my cuffs and carbiner clamps (rock climbing grade, no less), we restrain L to an overhead fixture. There is a mirror beside us. I stand behind her and look into the glass. She is gazing at the reflection…I mention that she must be admiring the view…I certainly was…

I place my arms on her waist and pull her close to me…I whisper in her ear of how lovely she looks and remind her of her instructions as well as the safe word…She answers with a quiet and quivering, “Yes, Ma’am”.

D grabs a flogger…I move to the front of L…her eyes turn downward…D begins to start his resounding rhythm…the blows are percussive…and the gasps of L fall into the beat…

I grab L by the throat…I wanted her to look at me. I wanted to see her journey. I wanted to gaze into her eyes…feel her pain and her pleasure. I wanted her to share this with me…

She at first looks away from my gaze…I say to her “Look at me!”…she quickly responds with a “Yes, Ma’am.” I smile at her and call her a good girl…I do not recall if I said this aloud but I felt the moment when I saw her transition…”There it is…” I smile…I knew what she was going through…I could see it in her eyes…she could not hide it from me and she gives me that moment.

I longed to flog her…D changes positions with me. I move to the back and begin flogging her. He takes her by the throat…and I know he sees what I saw…her suffering and her bliss…her back is warm and riddled with flogging marks…I take a moment to run my hands along the dark and delicious art that D and I have made of her back…

I ask L if she would like some water…she says, “No, Ma’am.” I grin and ask if she would like some champagne…she nods with a “Yes, Ma’am”…I bring the cup to her lips…she sips the champagne delicately…I could not help but to kiss her lips…

We give L a moment to regroup…

D comes close to me and gives me another one of his devilish smiles…It takes everything in me to fight the submissive clawing to get out…I wanted him to restrain me to L and beat me senseless…I wanted him to rip off my clothing, put his hands on my body, bring me pain and pleasure…then defile us both…I could not ignore the desire and the persistent urges…

D kisses me and comments again about how beautiful and how hot L and I are…I thank him and prevent myself from turning into a puddle…

I know D wanted to watch me break L. I wanted to break L…and I wanted him to watch me do it…but I had to control the sub in me that was redirecting my focus.

So…I made a mental bridge between the 2 as switches tend to do…I would break L which would please D…this in turn would cause me to be satiated in my Domme desire as breaking L is what I wanted to do from the beginning…

These mental workings calmed my submissive side and gave me an added goal…I wanted D to see the full effect of my Domme side and gain pleasure from it…He would see all of my creativity, sadism, and sensuality…L would benefit and I wanted her to experience everything I had…All of this only made the entire experience that much more delicious…

I take a another sip of champagne…it was time to give L a bit more of my attention…

I walk behind L and mention to her that I am going to remove her bra…I say to her if that she is uncomfortable, to express it at this time using the safe word or to nod saying, “Yes.” She shakes her head no and I take that as my cue to slowly remove the straps of her bra…I can feel D’s gaze on me…my senses are heightened…D is watching us closely…I am enthralled…I completely remove L’s bra…

Her breasts are beautiful…I take a moment to run my hand up to her throat pulling her chin back…I nibble on her neck and explore her chest with my other hand…I tell her how beautiful she is…I hear her gasp and sigh…I tease her neck with my teeth and her cheek with my tongue…she moans….

I here D faintly say, “Gods…this is hot…” This arouses me even more…

I had purchased clothespins at the shop earlier that day…I walk over to my collection of toys and open the packages…I see a hint of fear in L’s eyes…D insists that I go first…I make circles around each of L’s perfect breasts with the clothespins….then save one for each nipple…L whimpers…

D says, “Everyone goes for the breasts. I like the more sensitive areas.” He places clothes pins in delicate rows inside L’s inner thighs and down the sides of each of her arm…just right above her arm pit…she whimpers and moans a bit louder…I take it upon myself to lightly pluck each clothespin giving a here bit more pain.

I smile and giggle…I can see her struggle…D mentions how it is so refreshing to see another Dominant giggle and smile during play. There are many Dominants who are incredibly serious and intense. These moods can be crippling for some…Play need not be serious all of the time…

My giggling is genuine. I enjoy play in every sense of the word. One night, I was giggling loudly while beating a boy. I wore a cherry covered bra top and a pink tutu. I was called “the pain fairy” all evening. Giggling sadists bring their own life to the BDSM world…

As I pluck each clothespin and giggle like a giddy school girl, D smiles and gives  little laugh of his own…L starts to shake a bit…I stroke her hair…it may be time for more champagne. I once again ask her if she would like some water. She says, “No Ma’am.” I smile again and ask her if she would like some champagne…she nods.

I take the cup to her lips…she takes a long sip…ah…those lovely lips again…she locks eyes with me…I move in to kiss her once more…she opens her mouth and passes me champagne…what a lovely and sensual girl…I take it and kiss her deeply…I offer her another sip…

It was time for another paddling of L…her senses were being heightened by the clothespins. I wanted to take her to the edge. However, it was getting hot in the dungeon…I was very aroused…I was starting to sweat…and the strings of my top were getting in my way…

So I removed my string bikini top…and walked over to L…I stood behind her once more…I put my arms around her waist and pull her closer to me…my bare breasts touch her back…we are skin to skin and both looking in the mirror at the reflection…I kiss her…

I start to walk over to my toys…D stops me for a moment…pulls me a bit closer to him…he looks deep into my eyes…and runs his hand down the front of my chest in between my breasts to inside my panties…Shock waves erupt throughout my body…I gasp…I am wet…D smiles…

D walks over to my toys…It is time to paddle L again…he grabs a paddle I have with names of various streets on it…we are going to play a game…

L is given a few seconds to memorize the names of the streets on the paddle. There are approximately 7 of them…each written in a different script/font. She is then instructed to list each one within a given time period…if she is incorrect, she feels the sting of the paddle. She lists them all correctly save 2. D and I are impressed with her ability to maintain some mental coordination given the clothespins and fear of the paddle…for the 2 she misses she receives the blows…and she cries out…

L has endured the clothespins for quite some time…time tends to get lost during play so it is important to maintain concern over the amount of pain inflicted on someone bottoming/subbing to you.We check her hands for circulation…she is fine…

We decide to be kind and remove her clothespins…but ever so slowly…I start and remove each one slowly off of L and follow each one with my tongue or a gentle kiss…D slowly removes his placed clothespins softly touching reddened areas adding a bit more pain to the sensation…

Once the clothespins are removed, D goes behind L and I go to the front…I start kissing L then go to her neck and start biting her…D is biting her from behind. L cries out and moans with each bite…we tear into her…her cries and moans fuel the fire…I kiss and bite her lip…D kisses her…we continue biting her…

Then I lock eyes with D…I see the same darkness and desire in him that I am feeling in that moment…we have been in sync the entire play feeding off of one another and beautiful L…We slowly lean over L’s shoulder and deeply kiss….time is lost to us once again…

After our kiss, I move to go get more champagne…I spill a bit on L…I lick it off. I grin…I pour a little bit down the front of L…I follow the stream of champagne with my tongue lapping up every ounce of her…D smiles and asks me to pour it down her back…without hesitation I say, “Yes, Sir…” and pour it down the back of L…I again lick my way to the top of her body…I share the champagne with L…

We check L…her hands are a bit cool…it is time to move her back to the spanking bench…

I pull out my bright blue silk scarves and restrain L’s feet to the bench…It is time for another game…

D and I take turns tracing L’s body with our fingers…we then pull out a paddle…We ask her to guess who is hitting her with it…if she gets it wrong, she gets an additional hit…She gets it right a few times and gets it wrong others…we giggle and have fun dolling out paddles as she squirms and moans from each hit…

I put the paddle away…I want her to succumb to one final toy…one she says that will never make her come…a vibrating wand…I ask her if she is uncomfortable to please nod yes or say the safe word…she shakes her head no…D smiles and says we should try new things…

I squat once more behind L’s lovely ass…I place the vibrating wand on the outside of her panties and press my finger inside her through her panties…I tell her she is not to come without my permission…D grabs a flogger and starts flogging her relentlessly…I continue to change speeds on the wand and penetrate her with my finger…I nibble and bite at her thigh…she moans and wiggles…she gasps at each drop of the flogger…

After a while…I tell her she can come…I hear her moaning in pleasure…I can feel the heat of her body…her hips move into a rhythm…I ask her if she is coming…she responds with a gasping and breathy, “Yes, Ma’am…” She continues to moan…I continue my work, D persists with the flogging…Many minutes later…I ask her, “Do you want to stop coming?” She responds with a whimpering, “I don’t know…” The forced orgasms and flogging  continue until I decide that it is time she has a break…

We give her another moment to recuperate…

I clean my toys and put them away…D comes up to me, pulls me close and tells me how hot and magnificent I was…we were in perfect harmony with one another. He smiles…we help L up and then D excuses himself for a moment…

I sit on the floor and hold L close to me…I wrap my arms and legs all the way around her and cradle her so gently. D comes in with a blanket…he says that we look beautiful…and joins us in a cuddle session…

After a while of holding one another, L decides to get feisty and bites me incredibly hard…clearly we needed to wrestle this out…

I politely ask D if he would mind moving so I could deal with L…He hops up quickly and watches 2 topless ladies wrestle each other on the ground…During our wrestle session, D mentions that he never understood the appeal of watching ladies wrestle until this very moment…I smile from ear to ear.

L is quite a contender. However, I am much stronger than she…we wrestle for a few minutes then I pin her to the ground by her throat. I ask her if she submits…reluctantly she submits to me…

Our 2 hour time limit has come to an end in the private dungeon. We must change, collect our things, and go…I did not want these moments to end…

L excuses herself to the ladies’ room…Again, I am comfortable changing in front of D…I start to collect my things…then he gives me that look once more…I gravitate naturally to him…D puts his arm around my waist and the other hand in my hair and kisses me so passionately…his right hand moves down from my waist and continues on feeling the form of my body…his other hand stays firmly yet softly in my hair…my arms go around his neck and rest on his shoulders…we kiss for a while…

I had pleased D. I had shared an experienced with the both of them where I was able to express my Dominant side. Together with D, we took L to the edge and softly brought her back…L had given me everything I wanted…I had given D all that he wanted…

I desperately wanted more time…

L returns and I change in front of both of them…I was not shy at all…

We gather our things and return to the pub where we met prior to play…we had a few drinks…I got a bit bitey with D. L and I kissed a bit more…D and I kissed a bit more…they then walked me to my public transport…

I did not want to leave…I wanted more time…but I had a prior engagement…

I gave D my chrome “cane” and rebar insert…It would not fit into my suitcase for the travel home and would be a lovely memento of our time together…I knew D would enjoy the new found cane…L kept the cork from the champagne bottle as her memento…

We keep in contact, daily…I will see them both again soon. I am planning another trip… However, I miss them…terribly…

Writing this post has been quite emotional for me…because it reminds me of how wonderful our time together was…How lovely they are…How I miss them…and that I am thankful that I can call them both “my friends”…I hold them ever so close to me…this post is very much for the both of them as it is for me. It is my gift to them. xxx

Thank You For Reading,

The Divine Ms. M xx

Rape Culture in the Poly World

Being polyamorous, I sometimes find it difficult to find partners who understand the parameters of the poly lifestyle. At first, I thought that it was because many misunderstood what being “poly” means. There are many types of non-monogamy. For me, being “poly” involves developing lasting relationships that have emotional attachment. I am not into one night stands. I do not have sex indiscriminately. I make this plain in all of my online dating profiles. I feel that I am rather clear as to what type of relationships I am interested in…

I consistently get emails and messages on these dating sites from men who are crass, crude, lewd, and speak to me with a complete lack of manners. I had been giving them the benefit of the doubt in that they may not understand what being “poly” is. They may legitimately think that I am looking for such advances in regards to a filthy nature. I was making excuses for them and ignoring such messages.

I recently had a phone conversation (and later a Skype) with a potential romantic interest. He told me that he wasn’t surprised that I get such messages because clearly my dating profile says that I am looking for sex. It does not say that ANYWHERE ON MY PROFILE. I became livid. I asked him which part he felt presented such an idea. He said that what I was looking for was “lasting relationships that could lead to intimacies” and that I was in an “open marriage” was what made some men think this. He left out the part that I say I am not into one night stands.

He apologizes for upsetting me and says that this was not his intent. We later go onto Skype to chat a bit more.

On Skype, we talk for a little bit, then he starts fondling himself. He asks if it bothers me that he is doing that. I say that it doesn’t bother me per se but I have not met him yet and it is awkward. He continues to do so and puts the camera on his hand while he fondles himself through his clothing. I say that I’d rather look at his face because that is what I am talking to and he turns the camera back around.

Conversation continues…He tells me how horny I make him, that he can’t help it, and then he whips out his penis and starts stroking it. He puts the camera back on it and asks me if this makes me uncomfortable. I say that it does and he once again says he can’t help it…he has a high sex drive. He asks me if I want to see him cum.

Skype had disconnected several times during the conversation. So, I took it upon myself to hang up on him and blame Skype.

We had made plans to meet the following day…Needless to say, I cancelled them. How could I possibly trust a man not to give into his urges when I clearly said things were making me uncomfortable…and he said he couldn’t help it.

First Skype calls are like first meetings. Would any rational man whip out his penis in a bar and start stroking it saying he couldn’t help it because I made him horny? How would he feel if I kicked him in the testicles saying that I just couldn’t help it because he made me angry?

After a tremendous amount of thought about the whole experience and the messages/emails that I regularly get on online dating sites, it is VERY clear to me that this is a solid example of “rape culture”.

He was excusing his lewd acts regardless of my protest because I was making him horny. And somehow ALL of this was acceptable because my profile states that I am in an open marriage and looking for lasting relationships that could lead to intimacies…He was placing blame on me.

THIS is Rape Culture in all of its hideous form. In his mind, I was clearly asking for this. It is my fault that I get messages that are lewd, crude, and crass because I am non-monogamous and enjoy sex. I should expect such behaviour because this is somehow “par for the course” for being a woman who enjoys sex.

No, I am no longer going to assume that men who message me do not understand what being “poly” means. I make it blatantly clear in my profile. If they are not clear, they can ask me questions. I normally ignore such messages. I will respond to these lewd comments with stern replies correcting such behavior. It. Is. NOT OK!

I am non-monogamous. I am kinky.

However…

I AM NOT asking for pictures of your penis.

I AM NOT asking for your rude and lewd comments.

I AM NOT asking for you to whip out your penis on Skype and fondle yourself.

And when I say I AM NOT comfortable with ANY of what you are doing, I DO NOT CARE if you THINK that you “can’t help it.”

No STILL means NO! Online or in “real life”. Guess what? I am STILL a human being online like I am in “real life”.

No one will blame me for their inability to control their urges…THIS is Rape Culture as I experience it nearly everyday in the poly world through online messages/emails and in Skype calls with men who do not listen to me saying that I am uncomfortable…and who excuse their lewd behaviour because I am non-monogamous.

Rape culture does not sit only with how a woman dresses…rape culture exists heavily where women are vocal about enjoying sex and their relationships…It is truly frightening how ingrained rape culture is in our society.

Thank You For Reading,

Melliscious xx

As an aside…This post does not apply to men with whom I have met, with whom I have a connection, and have a solid understanding.

The Gentleman Sir…

As a true switch, it is difficult to find Dominants that can effectively give me what my submissive side needs. My energy is strong. I intimidate many. As a Domme, I am quite fierce.

Most men come to me wanting me to top them or Domme over them. Other men see my energy and fierceness as some sort of challenge and try to take from me. They never get far with that.

I have truly submitted to only 2 people. By true submission, I mean completely gave all of myself in the moment. I did not fight back. I willingly gave as much of myself as I could.

The first Dom did not respect this. He asked me to give everything and I gave all that I could. He, in the end, was not worthy and was very hateful to me…He abused this and did not respect what I gave to him.

I did not truly submit again for well over a year…And it was to someone worthy… I call him the Gentleman Sir.

I first met the Gentleman Sir through friends via the internet. We chatted back and forth for a while. We began to see similar interests and philosophies in life, love, kink, and BDSM. Our chats went from weekly to daily and we began to develop a friendship.

He would tell me the importance of being given submission. He never wanted to take anything from me. He did not want a challenge from me. He wanted me to trust him. He wanted me to allow him to treasure me and what I gave to him. He said that he would push me to my limits, but he would catch me before I fell. He would hold me close to him…

This was something that I had not heard from Doms in the past. I was giving to him. He would not take from me. He would never try to do that. So many Doms would just expect me to play and I would say no. They would see this as a challenge to coerce me to play with them trying to find some forceful way in…they wanted to play for the sake of playing…and to boost their ego by topping a strong Domme publicly…

I tend to see right through such self entitled Doms…and the world is populated with a superfluous amount of them…

The Gentleman Sir and I continued to chat. I never promised play but I slowly started to open up…We took slow and steady steps towards each other. Our friendship continued to develop…We were cautious as we progressed and yet optimistic that this was something that we both needed in our lives.

The day came for us to meet…

We met over drinks one evening. He took me to a place that he knew would be a quaint and quiet spot for us to talk. He was warm, kind, doting, and affectionate. We had a deeper, heart to heart and face to face chat about many of the things we had discussed previously.

That evening, my high, barb wire covered walls came down. He knew I had personal things on my mind. I did not need to say a word. We had both listened to one another for months and could see clearly into each other at that point. He reached out to me, confronted my personal issues, and my defenses fell…I had let him in…and he knew this…

I became vulnerable. This is rare for me. I rarely weaken and allow people within my walls…I am very open and naked when people are inside of them. I started to feel a bit shaken and a bit afraid.

In this moment, he could have abused such power. He did not. He took my hand and kissed my brow…It was a tender and warm moment.

We had made some plans to have a date and play. He humbly said that he wanted to give me an opportunity to decline if I wanted…and if not, we would continue as planned. Being very much attracted to him, the events of the evening, and with everything that had transpired over the months; I absolutely wanted to continue with our plans.

The day of our play…

We spent the day going to a museum and garden. We are both intellectuals and greatly enjoy such things. He knew the museum and garden well. He took me to the parts he knew I would find interesting. We strolled through the gardens. He would stop and kiss me ever so sweetly.

I had teased him earlier on the journey there. I was wearing a white lace dress and thigh high stockings…I slowly lifted my skirt to show him. He smiled devilishly. When he found the moment, he pulled me close to him and passionately kissed me…his hands softly touching my face and his lips trailing down my neck…I also teased him on the journey back…He said I was a naughty girl for teasing him and I would pay for it later…

We had a wonderful day. Our conversation was lovely. We were very affectionate with one another. The chemistry was incredible. I could not wait for our evening of play.

We went to my room…

He instructed me to wait for him in my room and he would follow shortly thereafter. I prepared for him. I freshened up and laid out the toys for him…he knocked on the door…I opened it…

He walked in the room, put his hand on my throat and pushed me up against the wall. He kissed me. He told me to walk over to the bed. He looked me over and smiled saying how perfect I looked. He instructed me to sit on the bed. I sit.

He lifted my chin with his finger and said, “You are only to speak when spoken to. You will follow my instructions. If I ask you a question you will give me a thorough and honest answer. Do you understand?”

I quietly say, “Yes, Sir.”

He walks over to the table where the toys are and starts looking through them. I tell him that I have laid them all out for him. He smiles, walks over to the bed, kisses me on the cheek and calls me a good girl. He then tells me to stand up…I follow his direction…

He pulls the top of my dress down exposing me with exuberance as if I were a present on Christmas morning. He puts his hand on my throat, tilts my head back and bites my neck. As he bites me, I gasp and he explores my chest with his other hand…

He walks me to the side of the bed with his hand on the back of my neck.

He turns me around and says, “What kind of reward should I give you when you are a good girl?”

I softly say, “A kiss…please, Sir.”

He says, “A kiss? That is quite reasonable and sweet.”

He instructs me to get onto the bed on all fours. He lifts up my dress and tells me how much he admires the view. He says he never wants to hear me complain about my bottom…ever. He said it is perfection.

He proceeds to paddle and flog me. I moan, whimper, and cry out. He pauses from time to time to softly and delicately run his fingers along the curves of my body. My body lifts to meet his hand… He mentions how receptive I am.

He tells me how many prefer their submissives naked. He says that he sees the beauty in the disheveled look…He says he will not remove my panties until they are wet. He pauses to take a mental picture…to create a solid memory.

He tells me to lie on my back…he pins my arms down and lays on top of me…he proceeds to bite all over my neck and chest. He smiles after each bite and each whimper I make…he then kisses me…

He asks me how I am feeling…I say that I am enthralled…He says that this is a good answer…

He then restrains my arms behind my back with silk. He notices the mirror with a chair in front of it. He tells me to sit in the chair and face the mirror.

He says, “I want you to see this. Do you trust me?” I nod and I watch him put his gloved hand over my nose and mouth. His gaze is intense as he holds my breath in his hand. I make a soft sound and squirm a bit. He releases his hand and I gasp. He repeats this a few more times…he then removes his glove and places his fingers into my mouth…I trace my tongue along his fingers…

I want to please him and give him pleasure…He senses this…He teases me allowing me to taste him briefly…he then tells me that there will be more later. He directs me to stand and he kisses me…he tells me that I am such a good girl…

He instructs me to return to the bed on my knees and my head down…My arms are still restrained…He paddles and flogs me some more. He then removes the silk restraints and tells me to lie on my back once more…

He grabs a vibrating wand and lies beside me. He places the wand on the outside of my panties. He tells me I am not allowed to cum without his permission. He teases me changing the speed and I squirm…He tells me that he knows that it is a bit of torture for me. I feel waves of pleasure and I start to ache…

His hand moves up my thigh…My white satin panties give me away as they are wet…He smiles and then removes them and mentions how soaked they are.

He has me stand and restrains me with cuffs and carbiner clamps behind my back. He tells me to get on my knees on the bed and put my head down towards the bed. I am vulnerable and completely open to him. He spanks me in a random rhythm….some hit hard and some hit softly…from time to time he pauses and tells me how beautiful I am and how beautifully I suffer for him. He leans in and whispers in my ear that he thinks I can take much more…I agree with a soft, “Yes, Sir.” He then paddles me with another harder toy…I feel the sting much more and he comments on how well I mark.

His fingers lightly graze the heated areas where I was spanked and paddled…I sigh and open up a bit more to him…his fingers penetrate me…

I long for more…

He instructs me to lie on my stomach with my legs straight…I feel his body weight on top of me and that gloved hand across my mouth and nose…His hand lingers there a bit longer and I squirm under his weight.

He says, “There is so much trust in breath play. You literally are holding someone’s life in your hands…their very breath…I love feeling you squirm underneath me…” He removes his hand and I gasp for air…

He places his hand over my mouth and nose again…it stays a bit longer…I squirm a bit more and whimper…He holds me down tightly and then removes his hand…I gasp over and over again…he rubs my hair and soothes me telling me that I am ok…

He tells me to lie back onto my back…He grabs another wand, lies back on the bed and sets the second wand aside. He asks me if I will cum for him. I softly say yes…He grabs the wand and presses it between my thighs on the highest setting. He moves it ever so slightly as to find the one spot that gives me the most pleasure.

He says, “Right there…that is the spot…” and smiles.

He starts kissing my neck and my chest as I moan and cry out from each wave of pleasure…He kisses me…He then opens my legs a bit more, repositions, and uses both internal and external wands on me…He kisses my inner thighs and nibbles on them while I squirm…without him saying to do so, I ask for permission to cum. He grants it and I cum once more…He comments on how beautifully I cum.

I remember him asking me a question in this moment…I believe it was in regards to if I wanted him to stop…I remember responding with a gasping, “I don’t know…” He smiles and laughs a bit as he continues to play with me and the toys.

He finally stops and lies next to me. He asks me how I am feeling and I say that I am happy. He asks me what I am thinking of and I respond…”Only you, Sir.”

He helps me to roll onto my stomach. He removes the restraints and gives me a moment to regain composure. Once I regain composure, he calls me to the side of the bed and I taste him once more…with my hands freed to explore him a bit…I was eager to please him…

Afterwards…

He says that he can not have a complete evening without watching me dance.I gave him options for my costume. He picked the one he wanted me to wear. I slowly removed my dress and bra…and put on my costume while under his intense gaze.

I did find it difficult to dance for him after play. I was a bit out of it but managed to dance to 2 songs and bring a smile to his face, a bit of laughter, and applause…I returned to the bed and sat in front of him…He said I did well and kissed me.

He tells me he wants to see his work. I remove the bottom portion of my costume…The top remained on me and jingled as I returned to being on all fours on the bed. He noticed marks were fading a bit and paddled me a bit more…With every hit, my costume jingled with music as I cried out…He said he would love to have his very own dancing slave girl…He paddled and spanked me a bit longer then sat on the bed…

He said he was pleased with me and I was a good girl…I immediately crawled into his lap, threw my arms around him, and held him close to me.

He smiled and sighed…He held me so close and kissed me sweetly…I did not want him to let me go…I did not want to let him go…

Throughout our play he gave me wine and water as I requested it. He was doting and told me how strong and beautiful I am…

I did not want the evening to end…

I had given so much of myself to him…and he treasured it. He respected it. He adored it. I felt cared for, protected, pushed, beautiful, strong and treasured…the polar opposite of the other Dom of whom I had submitted to previously.

And truly…I gave The Gentleman Sir so much more of myself than I gave the other Dom…because this second one is worthy and treasured what I was giving to him…

I miss him…very, very much…We can not play frequently or see one another regularly due to our locations…

Yet… every day we chat…He tells me how lovely and wonderful I am. He tells me how much he can not wait to see me again. We are close. We have let one another in behind our high walls. We respect one another and are grateful to be a part of each other’s lives…I feel treasured, cared for, protected, and adored by him…even now…

THIS is what I need as a submissive…I will receive anything you give me and give you all that I have…but what I give needs to be treasured, respected, adored, and appreciated…

I count the days until I can see my Gentleman Sir once again…I want to put my arms around him once more, kiss him, see him smile, hear him sigh and tell me how much he treasures me and what I give him…

I know he will hold me in the palm of his hand. He will not drop me or break me…he will not abandon me…He has promised this and has kept his word thus far… ❤

Thank You For Reading,

Melviscious xx

The Drummer Boy…

Following the trend…I was contacted by a Drummer Boy on an online dating site nearly a year ago. We exchanged phone numbers and texted to one another. We set up a date and I had to cancel due to unforeseen circumstances. Communication stopped for months. He then started texting me again. He said he had recently gotten out of a relationship and was looking to date again. He texted me for months then gained the courage to ask me out once more…

We meet at a bar and he has a vodka and club soda with lime waiting for me. His conversation is a bit scattered but we still have a good chat. We have a few more drinks then he says he is interested in going cosmic bowling. (Cosmic bowling is bowling in black lights while techno music is playing). But first we must run by his house and let out his dogs… I agree to go…

We arrive to his house and it is filled with musical instruments. Me, being the music lover and modest performer that I am, walk around and survey the musical gear. I am impressed. He then finds out that I can sing and brings up the idea of us staying at his place to record music. Again, I being the performance geek that I am, agree. We record LOVE ME TENDER by Elvis Presley.

I am my own worst critic. He and I do several takes. He compiles it together and we are rather pleased with how things turn out. He then discusses my bellydancing and his interest in learning the drum beats related to the musical form. I play the music on my Kindle Fire and he decides we need a dance and drum jam…

He goes to his drums and I improvise a bellydance. So far the only turnoff is his awkwardness…I have found that drummers tend to be their own type of character. No 2 drummers are ever alike and they tend to always be a bit awkward and/or odd. He was definitely odd, but I was curious…

We drink…A LOT. I indulge in rum and ginger ale. He drinks the rum straight out of the bottle. We then watch Youtube videos. Somehow we managed to watch a documentary on the set designer of the show Pewee’s Playhouse. He then suggests we go and make out in his bedroom. It is 3 am and time has gotten away from me. The only thing is…I am currently undergoing my cycle…

I always find moments like this awkward. I’ve never found a tactful way to politely impress upon an individual that my lady parts are indisposed. We go to his room. I lie in his bed and we start kissing. I politely say that things are rather inconvenient at the moment.

He returns with, “Oh is it that time of the month? Aunt Flow is visiting. It doesn’t bother me. We don’t have to have sex. Or we can. No pressure.”

We continue to make out. He then pulls off my pants. I am rather tipsy and terribly curious as to what he would do next. I figured we wouldn’t be having sex. His body language did not suggest that we would. It is hard to explain. I thought that we would get to “heavy petting” but not beyond that.

He then does something I have NEVER had this happen to me prior to this moment…

He pulls out my tampon and throws it across the room…I’m not going to lie…This FREAKED ME OUT.

He then pulls out not one but two vibrators and starts playing with me with them…

I have a small orgasm…forced mind you…He asks for nothing in return…

He stands up and says, “Oh look. I have made a mess. I should clean this up.”

I mention that it is really my mess and I am terribly embarrassed. He says that he exacerbated the situation and it is no big deal. He leaves the room and returns with a wet and warm washcloth and towel. He then cleans me up…He took it upon himself to actually clean me up…I am quite embarrassed and have no clue in how to deal with the awkwardness I was feeling…

He then goes to looking for the tampon he threw across the room…he found it…I was horrified again….

He says, “Oh look! Here it is. It’s ok. You needed to change it anyway.”

Once again…I was terribly embarrassed…I tell him this…he tells me that it is all ok and just a part of being a woman.

I admire his progressive nature in things, however, I still found all of this incredibly awkward and odd.

Rather than cuddle with me, he grabs his pillow and says, “Ok…you need to go to sleep. I’ll let you rest now.”

He leaves the room and goes into the living room to sleep. I am left in his bed. I wake a few hours later and quietly leave his house…

I text him thanking him for the evening and that I didn’t want to wake him…

He responds later agreeing it was a fun night…I have not heard from him since…

I was quite off put by the whole tampon issue…I even struggled with blogging about it. I think we’d be good friends, but not beyond that. The whole issue left me with an awkward feeling…and to be frank…I am still trying to cope with the oddity of it all.

Thanks for Reading,

Melliscious xx

My Boy 3…

Boy 3 came into my life via a dating site. He was a bit younger than me and I tend to shy away from the younger ones. He said he was polyamorous and in a committed relationship with his wife. They had been together for 5-6 years. He seemed intelligent and was very gentlemanly. His level of maturity impressed me. He was unlike most men his age and we had quite a bit in common…

Our first date was a fun night of dinner, pool, and geeky conversations about superheroes and films. It was a lovely evening…he danced with me a bit in the parking lot and kissed me goodnight…Second date was a drink at a bar and sweaty van sex…

This is where warning sign #1 appeared. His wife was upset that he did not answer a message right away. We were caught up in the moment and engaged in sexual matters and she was upset that he did not text her back immediately. He called her and I could hear her very upset about being out a bit late and not responding to all of her messages. I understand that messages from spouses need to be answered as soon as possible, but this seemed a bit extreme.

I too am married. When I am seeing someone new, I am constantly reassuring my husband that he comes first in my life. I know the importance of responding to text messages, but my husband knows where I am at all times and trusts me implicitly…there seemed to be trust issues with Boy 3 and his wife.

I ignored this warning sign because it is terribly hard to find a compatible poly person for me…

We continued to see each other and progress…From time to time Boy 3 would tell me how jealous his wife was of my job, my looks, and my life. She had NOTHING to be worried about in regards to me. I had no interest of stealing her husband from her. I had one of my own. Boy 3 was constantly reassuring his wife. Warning sign #2

He would make plans with me then would have to cancel due to his wife needing additional attention at times. I understood but was getting a bit annoyed. They would take Sundays as their “date day” and I knew to never expect to see him those days or to make plans. He would then call me occasionally on a Sunday telling me that his wife decided to go see her boy and left him alone…If he had made plans with me, she would have been upset. Warning sign #3.

I asked several times to speak to his wife to help reassure her…she would not have any of it. She would not talk to me. She wanted nothing to do with me. Warning sign #4.

At the end, when I FINALLY got to talk to her because she forbid us from seeing one another, she said, “Had I known you REALLY wanted to talk to me, I would have talked to you.” Of course I REALLY wanted to talk with her. I would not waste my time otherwise…

After I ignored all of the warning signs, we progressed for 5 months. He would tell me that he loved me. I had not gotten to the point of love as of yet, but I cared for him a great deal. I have been quite guarded as of late due to me caring about people that I should not…I did deeply care for him and utterly adored him.

He became interested in BDSM. He knew I played with others and wanted to play with me. I asked him if his wife was OK with us playing at our local club and he said, “Yes.” This, come to find out, was a lie…

I asked someone close to me that tops me often to show him the ropes on how to effectively top me (be a dominant). It was exceedingly difficult to dominate/top me due to my personality and nature. I was so excited about finding someone with whom I was very sexual that was capable of  topping me. He showed him the ropes…he was a solid, attentive, budding top…

He would give me a solid power exchange through flogging, paddling, spanking, biting, pulling my hair, putting his hand on my throat…Boy 3 was a natural and could read me. I knew he would only learn more and progress well in this lifestyle. It also translated well into our sexual experiences. We were planning more intense play.

One evening, Boy 3 tells me the good news that his wife is pregnant. With the history of his wife being jealous about me, I started to feel some concern. She wanted to continue to see her boys and was reassured by them that they would still be interested in her regardless of her delicate state. However, my guard was going up…I thought she might want him not to see others…I was his only other girl. He barely had time for me. Warning sign #5.

One Sunday, he was not answering my texts. I became worried. He had cancelled a few of our dates due to his mom being ill and his wife getting in a car accident. I knew his wife was ok from the car accident but became concerned that something happened to his mother. I worried a large portion of the day and evening..

He did not contact me until Monday morning…

At work I took a scheduled break and we would have a morning chat. He told me that Monday morning that he and his wife needed some time together to work through some things. I understood. I told him that pregnancy hormones can be overwhelming the first few months and to give it time. She would eventually adapt to the fluctuations and it would be ok. He seemed to want to continue our relationship…

Later that afternoon, I get a message from him asking if he could call me. I was available and took his call. He was in tears…

He said that he had lied to me and his wife. They both had made a rule about playing in BDSM with others. They had agreed neither were allowed to play with others in BDSM roles. I do not understand such rules. Why would anyone care if I am paddled/flogged/bitten/etc. before I engage in sexual relations with a lover? I suppose it does not matter given that their rules prevented either from such play. He wanted that with me and his rules forbade him. He betrayed their preset rules…and lied to me about his wife being “OK” with our play at the local club…

He said that he could not see me anymore due to his lie. We had only played at the club twice. This somehow was enough for his wife to forbid him from ever seeing me again. I am not excusing his lie, but she was not lenient at all in the matter. She sat there in the background while he cried on the phone apologizing for causing me pain. He clearly loves me. I asked to speak to her. That’s when she mentioned that had she thought I was really interested in speaking with her, then she would have. She asked if he had played with others, I said “No.” She focused so much on his lie. She said she was mad that he lied to both of us. I offered help for her in the event she needed it. She seemed gracious but I am certain it was a facade.

I would have been fine only being vanilla (no BDSM) with him but clearly this was not acceptable to her. She always had issues with me and this seemed to be the way to get rid of me…I have never met this woman…she would never meet me…

I receive a text later from Boy 3 asking me to remove pics from social sites involving our play. He was not in the pictures, but he wanted them deleted regardless of the fact the pics were only of my body. He said he was getting help for his lying problem. I felt they both clearly needed help but refrained from saying so.

The next day, he unfriended me on Facebook and deleted all of his twitter accounts.

I was completely erased from his existence…our 5 months together seemed to have meant nothing. This hurt more than anything else…I was leaving this relationship with nothing…not even a friend.

The last text I sent stated how it felt to be erased from his existence and that I would not contact him again…I cried over this for 5 days…

I cared for Boy 3…very much so…but…I should have paid attention to the warning signs. He and his wife clearly have issues and I was drug into them. She still gets to see him. I have nothing from this…except experience…and fond memories of things that once were and will never be again…

Being polyamorous can be utterly heartbreaking. Honesty and communication is key. I need to acknowledge the warning signs and recognize issues as they arise. I took a risk and it shattered me. Do I take the risk again? I was happy with Boy 3. I will hold onto that.

Thanks For Reading,

Melliscious xx

Addendum: In regards to the pregnancy hormones…I am not blaming them for anything. I feel they do tend to enhance some insecurities which may or may not be related to Boy 3’s behavior. I do not condone his lying but I do feel that there are problems on both sides.

I will also add that they are now claiming to be monogamous…

I am sure there are plenty of issues here. I only know what Boy 3 told me. Likely some things were lies…I will update as I find out new information…I am still hurting and will likely have a clearer head as things progress…

Superheroes, Villains and Their Kink Roles Part 1: The Avengers

Kinkster…Dominant…Submissive…Sadist…Masochist…Fetishist

All of these terms relate to many in the BDSM community. The community is considered to be “underground”…a group of deviants that stray from society’s norms. Many in the community hide their identities due to society’s tendency to not welcome sexual practices that stray outside of the standard or “vanilla” realms. Exactly how unusual are the members of the community, really? Let’s consider the unspoken roles that we see in everyday media that many seem to overlook…

Superheroes and their Villains…

Superheroes and Villains have their own dynamics that parallel that within the BDSM community. Their trades, powers, and tools are commonly seen amongst kinksters alike. They exhibit Dominant and Submissive behaviors that reflect many of the commonly seen dynamics within a BDSM community. They too hide their identities due to some in society who would not necessarily be so welcoming to them stepping outside of the standard ways of life.

This series of blog posts will reflect a categorical representation of superheroes and villains in their hypothetical BDSM roles according to their representation in comic books and films…

The first string of superheroes and villains will be…

avengers1

The Avengers

First to the “Hot Seat”… Iron Man

tonystark “Genius. Billionaire. Playboy. Philanthropist.”

 Has the ability to engineer tech that eliminates the need for military.Privatized war. Former weapons engineer and manufacturer.

 Extreme narcissist. Unlike other super heroes, he does not hide his identity but lives as Iron Man and Tony Stark as one entity. “The suit and I are one….I am ‘Iron Man’.”

 Was not born with super powers but utilizes his genius to make tech that overpowers foes.

Playboy. Only settled down for Pepper Potts.

Has a heart condition from permanently lodged shrapnel that is controlled by a magnetic based device with an adamantine core…

BDSM Analysis:

Tony Stark shows a highly Dominate nature and is certainly a person who lives life on the edge. He takes orders from no one and is highly clever. Given his playboy tendencies it is most certain that Stark can charm his way into any sexual relationship. While he may not live life in a Dominant/Submissive relationship, he likes to maintain that he is the one in charge. It is apparent that he does yield to Ms. Potts from time to time which shows a tendency to “switch” and be a bit “submissive-like” only when dealing with Ms. Potts. Only she can order him…to a minimal degree. He will do what he wants as it suits him. In this case, Stark might “top from the bottom” as they say to get what he wants. Ms. Potts will ultimately yield to him. Stark is not a switch. He will never truly submit to anyone.

Stark is a a Kinkster with heavy Dominate tendencies. He is arrogant, egotistical, argumentative, is never wrong, and will always get his way. He would likely get involved in any form of multiple partner sexual encounter just for the opportunity to brag.

In regards to his “toy bag”, his ability to engineer technology gives him the opportunity to make one of a kind toys that could deliver an immeasurable amount of pleasure and pain.His ability to learn about the human body in addition to his already impressive knowledge base of technology and seemingly unlimited resources, Stark could tailor make toys that target specific areas of the body to enhance pleasure. The technology involved in his toy bag are only limited to his imagination and ability…which, quite frankly, seems limitless.

Stark is not a Sadist. He may like a good fight but has not shown any tendency to enjoy causing pain. He likes taking out a foe, but does not revel in causing pain. His weapons quickly dispatch to cause immediate termination. He may, however, be a bit of a Masochist. Being a normal human with no extraordinary powers that cause him to heal, Stark goes in full force to a fight and can take a heavy beating. His ability to overcome the pain feeds his ego of being a human superhero. He takes an epic amount of pain and overcomes it. This categorizes him to a degree as a masochist. He takes the pain only to revel in the victory of overcoming it and defeating his foes.

Next up…Steve Rogers

steverogers“…just a kid from Brooklyn.”

Was once a sickly, small man who wanted to serve his country in the World Wars of the mid 1900’s. Joined a “Super Soldier” program that gave him super powers involving incredible strength, an ability to heal, and supposed immortality.

Very traditional in the sense of relationships. Shows extreme loyalty to friends, fellow soldiers, and his country.

Is a soldier to the core who takes orders in order to complete his mission. He exhibits signs of personal sacrifice where the welfare of others is at stake.

Works well with others in a group effort leading other soldiers to the final end game. Will only argue when decisions regarding the safety of others is in question or if the mission is potentially compromised.

BDSM Analysis:

Steve Rogers is very humble. He has an immense amount of power but always defaults to a humble state of being. This is expected behavior for him given his mild past of being a small, sickly man. He has a strong heart that shows extreme loyalty to those in his life. He is very much a soldier in that he takes orders. He will lead a group of soldiers through the terms of the mission but it will only be through the terms of the mission. His decisions he makes in battle are for the benefit of others and the mission…never for himself.

Given all of these qualities, Steve Rogers is a Submissive. He lives only for the service of others. His very job requires him to submit to the orders of the mission. Steve has no quarrel with the terms of this arrangement. He willingly gave himself to an experimental project that would require him to be in service to the military indefinitely. He longs to serve others and his country. The essence of a submissive is to long to be in service to another. He gains satisfaction from his service in knowing he has pleased his superiors, fellow soldiers, and the people he protects.

Rogers is not likely to have a toy bag given that he is a submissive type and does not require much thought in generating scenes. He would likely be monogamous given his traditional sensibilities. It would be very unlikely of him to engage in a multiple partner sexual situation. No Dominant tendencies are expected from Rogers. He is expected to do as he is told and will default to that position. His very images are always showing signs of a submissive…head down…much like the pic shown above.

Rogers is not a Sadist. He would more likely be a Masochist. He is capable of handling an intense amount of pain. The process of becoming a “Super Soldier” nearly killed him. The pain is intense. Pain is a part of his mission and he gains satisfaction from completing his orders. He overcomes the pain and continues on…If receiving pain is a part of his mission/arrangement, he will willingly submit to the terms…and be all the happier for it.

Our next Avenger…Bruce Banner and The Hulk

hulk“That’s my secret…I’m always angry.”

Dr. Bruce Banner is a genius in radiation technology. He studied gamma rays and inadvertently caused himself to become the green monster known as “The Hulk”.

The Hulk is nearly all encompassing when he presents himself. Hulk is a destructive force that tears into anything and anyone. Banner has little control over him but learns to handle the rage over time.

Dr. Banner is quite mild mannered and eager to help others. He maintains his calm in order to keep the green monster at bay. He shows conviction in the use of his talents to ensure that the safety of others is preserved.

He is likely immortal and feels no pain when he is in Hulk mode. He has incredible strength and is capable to tremendous amounts of destruction.

BDSM Analysis:

This analysis requires a look at both aspects of this Avenger…the Hulk and Dr. Bruce Banner. Each personality is an extreme. Dr. Bruce Banner is an intellectual that is very mild mannered. He works to please others. He lives in 3rd world countries helping the sick with what knowledge that he has. The Hulk is a rage monster that only lives to SMASH and destroy things and people. Bruce finds satisfaction in helping others while Hulk finds satisfaction in feeding his need to SMASH. The Hulk exhibits a very Dominant personality that does not take orders from anyone and does as he pleases. Dr. Bruce Banner is more humble and happily submits to the needs of others giving a more Submissive personality.

The Hulk coupled with Dr. Bruce Banner gives the true embodiment of a Switch. When he is in service to others, he gives all of himself in said service. When he is in full Hulk mode, he is a true Dominant doing as he pleases and expects others to submit to him. Banner is likely to be a Masochist due to his inherent guilt of hurting others. He would very much take any kind of pain to pay for the sins of The Hulk. This feeds his submissive nature in yielding to the needs of others. The Hulk is a full Sadist that revels in pain and destruction of others. He smashes buildings, vehicles and people. He takes great pride in tearing into Loki by bashing him on the ground. Together they make a perfect Switch.

Banner in his human form is somewhat traditional in regards to sexual encounters. There is no evidence that I have found that he would be anything other than monogamous. However, Banner can be impressionable. If he were to surround himself more with people such as Stark he might delve into more deviant desires but it would not likely last very long. Banner does not take much time to himself in regards to pleasure due to his guilt related to the destruction of the Hulk. He continues to endeavor to make amends for what he feels are crimes. He often denies himself worldly pleasures.

The Hulk would likely not involve himself in sexual encounters. I would bring up She Hulk here , but given that they are cousins, sexual encounter with her would be unlikely. The Hulk is a massive entity. It would take a stronger force to get him to submit to any kind of sexual encounter. Perhaps if Thor was homosexual or bisexual, he would likely have a shot at sex with The Hulk given his god like strength. Another point that would have to be considered is the issue of “consent”. Since Banner is not fully in control of the Hulk, he may not normally consent to a sexual encounter while he is a green monster. The ethics behind sex and the Hulk would need to be researched to determine the level of active consciousness that Banner has in regards to sexual matters and the Hulk.

The Norse god Thor…

thor“You dare threaten me, Thor! You’re so puny…”

Thor is the god of thunder according to Norse legends. He controls the power with his hammer. The hammer only yields to his commands. No one else can wield it (except for Steve Rogers because he is ‘true of heart’)

He is athletic, fit, capable of tremendous feats of strength. He has won many battles in protecting Asgard and Earth.

Thor is very arrogant. While he does have respect for Earth and humans, he sees them as small and puny. He has placed earth under his protection and the protection of Asgard.

Thor is a leader and does not follow orders. He will always do what he feels is right in the moment. He lends respect to the others in his party, but sees any orders as suggestions.

Thor is likely to be a playboy but ultimately has some affection for a human scientist, Jane Foster. He admires her intellect and pursuit for truth through science. To him magic and science are all one in the same.

BDSM Analysis:

Thor has an intense Dominant personality. He carries the arrogance, confidence, and strength that are exhibited in a dominant role. He does not take orders from anyone and will do as he sees fit. He broke a truce (against the will of his father Odin) with another world out of anger from them breaching the halls of his home. He will not fall into line if he feels strongly against the strategy in play. He expects others to follow his lead and follow him

Thor is a god and has worshipers. He is actively living the lifestyle of a dominant. Submission is not an option in his case. He would ONLY submit if it meant sparing a world…Earth. He is likely to be a playboy as he discusses “good drink and women” from time to time. He is definitely a Kinkster in this regard. He would likely be involved in multiple partner sexual encounters if it were with many women seeing as having the companionship of many women is a form of conquest. He does not actively display bisexual or homosexual tendencies. He seems capable of monogamy given that he does show affection for Dr. Foster. However, at heart, he is a god and would likely remain a playboy while in his youth…how ever many years that is.

As far as Sadism, Thor seems to enjoy a good fight. He can give epic blows to his foes and welcomes a solid challenge. He displays some pleasure in pounding into a foe whether with his hammer or fists. This would classify him as a Sadist. Although, he does show Masochistic tendencies with his appreciation of a good scar or return jab in a hand to hand combat situation. Since it is difficult to hurt Thor, when he is hurt, he appreciates the strength and is humbled by the blow. For this reason, he is being categorized as a Dominant with sadomasochistic tendencies…

The Villain…

loki“You were made to be ruled. In the end, you will always kneel.”

Loki is the Norse god of mischief. He is the adopted son of Odin.

He holds powers forged in magic from the Ice Giants. He concentrates those powers in his staff. His powers involve altering the mind state of others forcing them into submission to him. He also uses his powers to fool or trick others.

Loki despises and is incredibly jealous of his brother, Thor. Since he feels he will never hold power over Asgard, he seeks to rule elsewhere.

Loki is a brilliant strategist and is very intelligent. His cravings for power and control over others are an intense part of his personality. He is arrogant taking almost no commands, but will submit to others in order to ultimately reach his goals. He has a price, it is only a matter of negotiation for him.

BDSM Analysis:

Loki has intense Dominant personality traits. He is arrogant, craves power, wants to rule over others telling them to kneel. However, he also shows submissive characteristics as yielding to others who are much stronger than him. He takes orders from other stronger alien life forms. Here is the catch in all of this. Loki will negotiate terms of submission but only if he receives something in return. He negotiates the terms involved with the partial destruction of Earth where he submits to orders but in the end gets to rule what is left of the planet. He is willing to submit to others in order to get what he wants. It is not a true submission, so like Stark he would “top from the bottom”.

Loki is defeated and submits to his brother Thor. Thor does care for his brother but understands that he is dangerous. Loki will only submit temporarily as it means preservation of his life. He will find a moment to once again attempt to rule either Asgard or Earth. He is a Dominant personality that requires others to submit to him…but will bottom to others as it suits him.

Loki is a Sadist. He enjoys causing pain to others. He does not himself enjoy pain. He shows intense pleasure in inflicting pain and death on others to force people into submission to him. He revels in their fear.

Sexual encounters with Loki could run the gambit. His particular sexual preference is not clearly known so assumptions of exclusive heterosexuality should not be made. It would not be inappropriate to assume that he would indulge in multiple sexual encounters if it fed his cravings for control and power. He clearly longs to have people worship him. There is reason to assume he would want the same in a sexual sense. He is a Sadistic Dominant.

Hawkeye…

Hawkeye_promo“Yeah, I’m no genius…so I went and found one.”

Hawkeye is a soldier for Nick Fury’s SHIELD organization. He takes orders from Fury but is given a little bit of leeway due to his experience in battle.

Is an excellent archer that has specialized arrows that perform various tasks from administering poison, to shards, to the ability to manipulate data.

Is a team player that will follow direction. He is not actively a leader type and tends to be a lone warrior over a front line soldier. His archery skills require him to be at a bit of a distance for optimum effect.

He has no actual superpowers other than his incredibly aim and ability to hit impossible targets with his arrows.

BDSM Analysis:

Hawkeye shows no heavy Dominant personality. He follows orders. Since he is a soldier he tends to have more of a submissive mentality. He does not question authority. He follows and completes his missions. He has a good heart which is easily manipulated by Loki. Loki forces him into submission using his magic which can only work on people of pure and good hearts. Such magic did not work on Stark. This leads to the possibility that in order for Loki to force someone into submission, that tendency needs to already be present. Hawkeye when he is relinquished of Loki’s control shows disgust for being forced into submission. t should not be assumed that this is because he has Dominant tendencies. Any person, even submissives, never want to be forced into submission. They freely submit. However, it is very likely that Hawkeye could be a Switch…a Dominant to some and a submissive…possibly to Black Widow given they have a past in battle and her strong Dominant personality.

Hawkeye doesn’t really seem to be completely a Sadist unless it involves some kind of retribution or payback for something ill that has happened to him or others he cares for. He doesn’t seem to enjoy pain. He is not a hand to hand combat guy and never gets too heavily involved in direct battle. He is meant to distance himself from the action so pain for him is minimal. He is neither a Sadist nor a Masochist.

Hawkeye could very likely have a toy bag. If he did it would most likely contain stick/pointed related instruments. This would be due to his talent involving arrows. He would likely only implement pain if it pleased his partner. In regards to sexual preference it is not completely clear. There is some relationship dynamic and potential shared between him and Black Widow. It is difficult to determine the level of sexual play that he would be involved. Since he is a bit of a loner, it would not be completely accurate to assume he has the ability to settle down with one person. He seems to trust only a few so many relationships are unlikely.

Black Widow…

blackwidow“Love is for children…”

Trained to be a spy from childhood. Is highly acrobatic, a master of the martial arts, and proficient in many weapons including guns and knives. Is a master interrogator.

Has no superpowers other than her own human abilities.

Does not take orders from anyone unless she is receiving compensation in some form.

Realizes that she is attractive and uses it to gain information from others by drawing them in to her. Has a high level of confidence yet does not show arrogance.

Is capable of separating her feelings from her job in order to get what she wants. She will always get what she wants.

Is ethical to an extent. If she owes someone a debt, whether it be saving her life or monetary, she will make good.

Is capable of working in a group but ultimately works best alone…

BDSM Analysis:

Black Widow is a strong Dominant personality. She will never truly submit to anyone. She will present the guise of a weaker person only to draw in her targets and acquire the information, items, or technology that she needs. She seems to enjoy a good fight but would much rather use her intellect to avoid confrontation. She is capable of intense mental play in regards the people she draws in for her purposes. She can fool and trick those around her to believing what she wants them to believe in order to get what she wants.

As far as Sadism, she is highly capable of torture and sadistic measures to achieve her goals. Whether she enjoys such play is not certain. If such play were to suit her she would likely enjoy it. She does not show Masochistic tendencies. She avoids intense hand to hand combat situations. She is a spy and is trained in stealth to dispatch foes quickly and quietly. If she had a toy bag it would be filled with intense forms of instruments of torture due to her previous training. Only extremely masochistic bottoms or submissives would fit her personality.

As far as sexual preference, she is not clear. She is capable of drawing males and females to get what she wants from them. It would be safe to assume that she is likely bisexual due to experience alone…However, given she is so heavily involved in her job, he sexual identity may have been lost. Her true sexual preference may not be able to be determined due to her heavy conditioning in the art of deception. She is likely to have many sexual partners and have indulged in multiple person scenarios given the demands of her job and her capabilities. It is unlikely that she would ever be monogamous or settle down to one person. She has a true loner, spy mentality.

Nick Fury…

nickfury“…given that it’s a stupid-ass decision, I’ve elected to ignore it.”

Is the head of the SHIELD organization. It is meant to protect the planet from outside forces. It also holds the peace between nations.

Gives orders to everyone in the organization. Only answers to the council which he tends to ignore their decisions.

Is trained in had to hand combat and many forms of weaponry. Highly clever in the forms of strategy and espionage.

Is arrogant and highly confident. He takes orders from no one. He is loyal to the people close to him and expresses this loyalty regularly.

Has no inherent superpowers except for his own abilities.

Is capable of doing whatever it takes to meet his goals and protect the planet.

BDSM Analysis:

Nick Fury is an extreme Dominant personality. He gives orders to everyone in his operation. He will not yield or submit to anyone at any time. He maintains control of the organization regardless of the fact that he technically answers to “the council”. He looks out for the people that work for him whether they be soldiers or members of The Avengers. He in many ways takes care of them. He works to make scenarios where it encourages them to do what he wants whether they realize it or not. He is in every sense a Dominant that is in control.

Nick Fury does not seem to enjoy giving or receiving pain. He does enjoy defeating a foe through any means necessary. He is not above torture if it calls for that situation. It would not be like him to revel in torturing another person. He does have an affinity for the preservation of life. If he had a toy bag it would likely be with mild toys, possibly some bondage gear. He holds hostages and interrogates them. There would likely be some play involving spy scenarios.

Nick Fury is likely capable of many partners. He has been referenced has having children by different women and exhausted many women in a multiple person sexual situations. His time is limited, but in various series of comics, he does find time to play.

*As an aside…all of these hypothetical roles were determined according to the behaviors of these characters in comic books, film, and television. I consulted with others who are avid fans of these characters to double check the validity of their personalities. I welcome any other ideas that might influence these hypothetical roles one way or another…