Rape Culture in the Poly World

Being polyamorous, I sometimes find it difficult to find partners who understand the parameters of the poly lifestyle. At first, I thought that it was because many misunderstood what being “poly” means. There are many types of non-monogamy. For me, being “poly” involves developing lasting relationships that have emotional attachment. I am not into one night stands. I do not have sex indiscriminately. I make this plain in all of my online dating profiles. I feel that I am rather clear as to what type of relationships I am interested in…

I consistently get emails and messages on these dating sites from men who are crass, crude, lewd, and speak to me with a complete lack of manners. I had been giving them the benefit of the doubt in that they may not understand what being “poly” is. They may legitimately think that I am looking for such advances in regards to a filthy nature. I was making excuses for them and ignoring such messages.

I recently had a phone conversation (and later a Skype) with a potential romantic interest. He told me that he wasn’t surprised that I get such messages because clearly my dating profile says that I am looking for sex. It does not say that ANYWHERE ON MY PROFILE. I became livid. I asked him which part he felt presented such an idea. He said that what I was looking for was “lasting relationships that could lead to intimacies” and that I was in an “open marriage” was what made some men think this. He left out the part that I say I am not into one night stands.

He apologizes for upsetting me and says that this was not his intent. We later go onto Skype to chat a bit more.

On Skype, we talk for a little bit, then he starts fondling himself. He asks if it bothers me that he is doing that. I say that it doesn’t bother me per se but I have not met him yet and it is awkward. He continues to do so and puts the camera on his hand while he fondles himself through his clothing. I say that I’d rather look at his face because that is what I am talking to and he turns the camera back around.

Conversation continues…He tells me how horny I make him, that he can’t help it, and then he whips out his penis and starts stroking it. He puts the camera back on it and asks me if this makes me uncomfortable. I say that it does and he once again says he can’t help it…he has a high sex drive. He asks me if I want to see him cum.

Skype had disconnected several times during the conversation. So, I took it upon myself to hang up on him and blame Skype.

We had made plans to meet the following day…Needless to say, I cancelled them. How could I possibly trust a man not to give into his urges when I clearly said things were making me uncomfortable…and he said he couldn’t help it.

First Skype calls are like first meetings. Would any rational man whip out his penis in a bar and start stroking it saying he couldn’t help it because I made him horny? How would he feel if I kicked him in the testicles saying that I just couldn’t help it because he made me angry?

After a tremendous amount of thought about the whole experience and the messages/emails that I regularly get on online dating sites, it is VERY clear to me that this is a solid example of “rape culture”.

He was excusing his lewd acts regardless of my protest because I was making him horny. And somehow ALL of this was acceptable because my profile states that I am in an open marriage and looking for lasting relationships that could lead to intimacies…He was placing blame on me.

THIS is Rape Culture in all of its hideous form. In his mind, I was clearly asking for this. It is my fault that I get messages that are lewd, crude, and crass because I am non-monogamous and enjoy sex. I should expect such behaviour because this is somehow “par for the course” for being a woman who enjoys sex.

No, I am no longer going to assume that men who message me do not understand what being “poly” means. I make it blatantly clear in my profile. If they are not clear, they can ask me questions. I normally ignore such messages. I will respond to these lewd comments with stern replies correcting such behavior. It. Is. NOT OK!

I am non-monogamous. I am kinky.

However…

I AM NOT asking for pictures of your penis.

I AM NOT asking for your rude and lewd comments.

I AM NOT asking for you to whip out your penis on Skype and fondle yourself.

And when I say I AM NOT comfortable with ANY of what you are doing, I DO NOT CARE if you THINK that you “can’t help it.”

No STILL means NO! Online or in “real life”. Guess what? I am STILL a human being online like I am in “real life”.

No one will blame me for their inability to control their urges…THIS is Rape Culture as I experience it nearly everyday in the poly world through online messages/emails and in Skype calls with men who do not listen to me saying that I am uncomfortable…and who excuse their lewd behaviour because I am non-monogamous.

Rape culture does not sit only with how a woman dresses…rape culture exists heavily where women are vocal about enjoying sex and their relationships…It is truly frightening how ingrained rape culture is in our society.

Thank You For Reading,

Melliscious xx

As an aside…This post does not apply to men with whom I have met, with whom I have a connection, and have a solid understanding.

The Drummer Boy…

Following the trend…I was contacted by a Drummer Boy on an online dating site nearly a year ago. We exchanged phone numbers and texted to one another. We set up a date and I had to cancel due to unforeseen circumstances. Communication stopped for months. He then started texting me again. He said he had recently gotten out of a relationship and was looking to date again. He texted me for months then gained the courage to ask me out once more…

We meet at a bar and he has a vodka and club soda with lime waiting for me. His conversation is a bit scattered but we still have a good chat. We have a few more drinks then he says he is interested in going cosmic bowling. (Cosmic bowling is bowling in black lights while techno music is playing). But first we must run by his house and let out his dogs… I agree to go…

We arrive to his house and it is filled with musical instruments. Me, being the music lover and modest performer that I am, walk around and survey the musical gear. I am impressed. He then finds out that I can sing and brings up the idea of us staying at his place to record music. Again, I being the performance geek that I am, agree. We record LOVE ME TENDER by Elvis Presley.

I am my own worst critic. He and I do several takes. He compiles it together and we are rather pleased with how things turn out. He then discusses my bellydancing and his interest in learning the drum beats related to the musical form. I play the music on my Kindle Fire and he decides we need a dance and drum jam…

He goes to his drums and I improvise a bellydance. So far the only turnoff is his awkwardness…I have found that drummers tend to be their own type of character. No 2 drummers are ever alike and they tend to always be a bit awkward and/or odd. He was definitely odd, but I was curious…

We drink…A LOT. I indulge in rum and ginger ale. He drinks the rum straight out of the bottle. We then watch Youtube videos. Somehow we managed to watch a documentary on the set designer of the show Pewee’s Playhouse. He then suggests we go and make out in his bedroom. It is 3 am and time has gotten away from me. The only thing is…I am currently undergoing my cycle…

I always find moments like this awkward. I’ve never found a tactful way to politely impress upon an individual that my lady parts are indisposed. We go to his room. I lie in his bed and we start kissing. I politely say that things are rather inconvenient at the moment.

He returns with, “Oh is it that time of the month? Aunt Flow is visiting. It doesn’t bother me. We don’t have to have sex. Or we can. No pressure.”

We continue to make out. He then pulls off my pants. I am rather tipsy and terribly curious as to what he would do next. I figured we wouldn’t be having sex. His body language did not suggest that we would. It is hard to explain. I thought that we would get to “heavy petting” but not beyond that.

He then does something I have NEVER had this happen to me prior to this moment…

He pulls out my tampon and throws it across the room…I’m not going to lie…This FREAKED ME OUT.

He then pulls out not one but two vibrators and starts playing with me with them…

I have a small orgasm…forced mind you…He asks for nothing in return…

He stands up and says, “Oh look. I have made a mess. I should clean this up.”

I mention that it is really my mess and I am terribly embarrassed. He says that he exacerbated the situation and it is no big deal. He leaves the room and returns with a wet and warm washcloth and towel. He then cleans me up…He took it upon himself to actually clean me up…I am quite embarrassed and have no clue in how to deal with the awkwardness I was feeling…

He then goes to looking for the tampon he threw across the room…he found it…I was horrified again….

He says, “Oh look! Here it is. It’s ok. You needed to change it anyway.”

Once again…I was terribly embarrassed…I tell him this…he tells me that it is all ok and just a part of being a woman.

I admire his progressive nature in things, however, I still found all of this incredibly awkward and odd.

Rather than cuddle with me, he grabs his pillow and says, “Ok…you need to go to sleep. I’ll let you rest now.”

He leaves the room and goes into the living room to sleep. I am left in his bed. I wake a few hours later and quietly leave his house…

I text him thanking him for the evening and that I didn’t want to wake him…

He responds later agreeing it was a fun night…I have not heard from him since…

I was quite off put by the whole tampon issue…I even struggled with blogging about it. I think we’d be good friends, but not beyond that. The whole issue left me with an awkward feeling…and to be frank…I am still trying to cope with the oddity of it all.

Thanks for Reading,

Melliscious xx

Boy 3 and His Wife…An Update…

This morning I woke and checked one of my online sites to find a message from Boy 3’s wife. She had made a dummy account on this site for the sole purpose of looking at my pictures, reading my activity, reading my blogs, and messaging me.

This week Boy 3 broke off his relationship with me. He apparently had broken rules with his wife in regards to their poly relationship. My previous post discusses the rise and fall of the relationship involving him.

A few things to consider:

1. I have never met his wife nor have I ever spoken with her (until it ended). I asked once and she refused.

2. I only knew what Boy 3 told me.

3. I have no control over the poly rules of his relationship with his wife…I have never considered it to be my responsibility to make certain that he follows them.

4. I am sad for the both of them.

The message I received was incredibly long to the point that I had to take breaks from reading it. There were no paragraphs. It was a long, solid group of sentences all relaying the history of their relationship and what she felt in regards to me.

Here is what I have learned from her message…

She starts by saying they have been together for 8 years. Apparently Boy 3 cheated on her prior to them getting married and she did not find out until after the wedding. They separated then got back together. She suggested polyamory as a way to prevent lying and to stay together.

* Polyamory does not fix trust issues…

They start seeing other people. He finds someone he sees regularly…She finds someone as well…then he finds me on a dating site…

He tells her he is interested in seeing me as a “poly friend”…That is how our relationship was approached. He had said he felt he was too young for me…

Come to find out we had chemistry on our first date and enjoyed each other’s company. He told his wife he wanted to pursue things with me. She had a problem with this because she thought we were only going to be “friends”. She thought he had lied about his intentions with me.

She also had a problem with him seeing more than one person. He told me he was seeing someone else on occasion. I didn’t have a problem with it and felt it was none of my business…it was none of my business. Regardless, he broke it off with the other girl.

His wife was not comfortable with him seeing me (even after the first date) and told him he was not allowed to have sex with me until she was comfortable with him seeing me. We had unplanned sex on the second date. He was out late and missed a call from her. He went home and she told him that she wanted him to break it off with me immediately due to him missing the call and unplanned sex. He became upset and she said she would allow him to see me because he had started to care for me.

I asked if I could speak with her to help alleviate concerns or clarify things. He went to her with this and she said no. She said that she did not want to meet me or speak with me. I mentioned to him that I wish she would speak with me. He did not ask her again because she seemed so adamant not to discuss anything with me. She said in her message, had she known I really wanted to speak with her, she would have. I really wanted to speak with her, but why would I press the issue? I was not going to make his wife talk to me and I did not want to make waves or cause drama.

He and I had communicated daily…and continued to progress.

While on another date, he missed another phone call of hers. We were in a loud bar and it was hard to hear. Given that was an issue last time, I became concerned. He immediately called her back when he noticed the missed call and we ended our date. That evening she again mentioned that she wanted him to break it off with me. The whole thing was accidental. He never intentionally missed her calls…ever. She said this was 3 strikes and she wanted the relationship with me to end.

Again…I have never met this woman. And she would not speak with me.

She found out that I knew of her insecurities in regards to me. I never asked Boy 3 to tell me of his relationship woes. I also said that it was none of my business what was going on between him and his wife. However, it seemed she was constantly trying to thwart us from seeing one another and some of this gave me some insight as to the situation. This was another rule that was broken.

Boy 3 had told me about his wife wanting him to see another girl that she had been talking with on a polyamory board. She was in a triad and Boy 3’s wife was going to start seeing the husband. She confirmed this in her message saying that she was trying to get him to see her. He was not interested in her. She wanted him to be interested in her because she had developed a friendship with this new girl. Boy 3 was happy with me and did not want to add on more partners. It seemed she was trying to control who he was allowed to see. It was like she was arranging his relationships based on who was approved.

Boy 3 has told me once or twice that he loves me. I had not yet reached that level of care as of yet and had been a bit guarded due to my instincts kicking in…I did, however, care for him quite a bit. I know he was quite happy with me. He had not told his wife that he started to love me. This was another rule he had broken.

In her message, she goes on to tell me about a lie he told me in regards to a “fight” they had in seeing me when her brother was in town. I have no idea what to believe when it comes to either of these people.

She goes on to tell me that she decided to read my text messages to him in his phone and that is how she found out that we were involved in BDSM play. This was another rule that was broken. He was not allowed to play publicly or privately in BDSM with anyone but his wife.

Apparently there was a very long list of rules that she goes into detail over and he had broken quite a few of them with me.

* I am ethical. Had she spoken with me when I asked..I would have learned about the rules…I at least would have followed them…hence he would have as well.

Seeing as he could not follow any rules, she told him strongly that she wanted him to end things with me…but she would not force him. However, she pressed the issue that she wanted him to end things with me…hence forcing him to make that decision. They are deciding to be monogamous and seek counseling. She is now pregnant with their first child. Their marriage is very much in danger at this point…I feel sad for them.

Boy 3 deleted his social media profiles, unfriended me on various sites…His wife told me he did this because she wanted to eliminate the temptation of seeing me again. He knows where I live. He has my phone number. He knows where I work. If he wanted to see me, he would find a way. Deleting profiles on the internet does not change that.

My final analysis:

Boy 3’s wife has been against my relationship with Boy 3 from the start. I do not condone his lying to either me or her, however, I can see where the lies came from…Every time he messed up and confessed his mistakes, she became angry and wanted him to end it with me. She mentioned that she needed open communication. When he was open and took responsibility for things, she would express anger and contempt for his relationship with me. He began to hide things from her because he wanted to progress with me. He seemed afraid to be honest with her when he did make a mistake for fear of losing me. In the end he lost me anyway due to his lying to her.

She is desperate to fix her marriage. She is trying to control the entire situation. She is desperate to hold onto a man who seems to love her but can not adhere to rules of monogamy or the long list of rules dictated for their poly relationship. Poly relationships need to have both people willing to adhere to rules that THEY BOTH can live with…not just one person. The rules can change as people, dynamics and relationships change. Poly people need TRULY OPEN communication without punishment for honesty. People are going to make mistakes, but making ultimatums does not solve any issues when a mistake is made. The root of why the mistake happened needs to be examined. Punishment for mistakes as in a “3 strikes” scenario is counterproductive for many. Sometimes these strikes are accidental. And when feelings are involved, people are going to try to protect what/who they care for…including their own heart…this can lead to things being hidden.

I do not agree with the way Boy 3 handled this situation. He lied not just to me but to his wife. I do not trust him. I do not trust his wife…I have not met her (by her request), spoke to her once (when he broke it off with me), received an incredibly long message from her (on a dummy profile she made to check my activity and pics), and she has made it plain she did not want him to see me from the start.

I am not comfortable with any of this. I care for Boy 3. I do, very deeply. I will not be involved with him again so long as he is in this situation. Even then, I’d be exceedingly cautious and he would have a lot to answer for…it would not likely happen.

I hope they work out their issues…I wish the best for them both…

One final note…

Polyamory does not fix relationship problems. If there is no trust, polyamory does not work. Polyamory will add many dynamics to all of your relationships. If you can’t handle your monogamous one, being poly will only add to your issues.

Thank You For Reading,

Melliscious xx

 

Addendum: She “allowed” him to continue to see me even when said rules were broken due to his affection for me. Relationships are different for each couple…however…if there are rules in place…they need to be adhered to or changed…The situation needs to be re evaluated where someone is “allowed” to see another after rules are broken…re evaluate and re negotiate according to the different dynamics you have with different people or truly cut it off and know your hard limits…

Vanilla Nazi Jesus Boy…

I am finding that there are all sorts of people who will contact me interested in establishing a “poly” relationship. I am very cautious with any message I receive on any given dating site. Many men that send me messages think that “poly” means I am indiscriminate and will sleep with anyone. This is NOT the case. I do not have a large amount of sexual partners. I am not really into “one night stands” unless the mood is right and things go in that direction. I am capable of casual sex with certain friends without the demands of a poly relationship. However, even the casual relationships that I have with friends…they are WITH FRIENDS…With the key word being FRIENDS. In these cases, I’ve established a rapport and understanding with them.

Many of the messages I receive on these sites are from married men. I have come across many men who are inclined to cheat on their spouses. I am ethical in my polyamory. I will not be an instrument to an end of a marriage. If I think a man is a cheater, or if he outright says so, it is a deal breaker. I avoid drama in my life and do not want to cause anyone grief.

I was approached on a dating site by a man who said he was in a poly marriage. We chatted a bit seemed to have good conversation. We had common interests and communicated well. I was still a bit leery of this man in regards to the fact that his wife did not seek relationships outside of the marriage. In the cases that I am familiar, both spouses have some play outside of their own relationship. We continue to talk. He says he is unavailable in the evening, for whatever reason (a bit of a red flag to me), so we agree to have lunch during his work day (I was off work).

He works an hour away from me…

I drive out towards his work where he asks me to meet him at a chicken fast food restaurant. I arrive and he is not there. He texts me saying he is running behind and he shows up 15 minutes later.

I was amazed by his appearance. If M.C. Hammer and Vanilla Ice had a mutant baby…it would be this guy. He wore pinstriped “Hammer Pants“, a tattoo style button up shirt, white suede wing tip shoes, and a bluetooth lodged in his ear as an accessory. His bluetooth remained in his ear our entire lunch. This guy looked like a 90’s douchebag. I was trying my best not to judge him by his fashion sense alone…we walk to the fast food counter.

I order my lunch thinking he MIGHT buy since I drove out so far for his convenience. I wasn’t going to expect it, but where I live this would be considered an unspoken courtesy due to high gas prices. I order a salad and an ice water for a grand total of $7. He places his order then the total is given. He gives me a look. I look at the cashier and politely ask her to divide the bill. He says that he will get it next time. I smile and say nothing.

We walk to one of the booths and sit down. It is very difficult for me to take him seriously given his “Ice Ice Baby” appearance but sit an wait for him to speak. He opens his mouth and things only get worse…He is clearly a heavy right winger…

I had chatted with him once online and said JESUS CHRIST in an exclamation via text, and he corrected me. THAT should have been a red flag then…

He tells me he is working to become a deacon in his church and goes to Bible study every Wednesday night. I found it odd that he was so religious and found polyamory to be ok given his traditional sense of Christianity. I ask him about this and he flat out says that he just wants more women.

In regards to me, I am an atheist and have told him this. I mention that again and say that I do appreciate his right to religion and faith. He starts talking about the Bible and all of these references to women and sex.

He continues with his Bible talk, looks at me, and says, “Oh, I must be boring you. You probably don’t understand anything that I am talking about.”

I respond with, “No, not at all. I studied religions in college, have  read 4 different versions of the Bible, the Dead Sea Scrolls, the Nag Hammadi, as well as other Gnostic texts. Have you read any of those? For example, the Gospel according to Mary Magdalene or the Apocryphon of Peter?”

He looks stunned and says, “I’ve only read the King James version…” We stop talking religion.

He then moves onto black people. He says he works with black people and that they all agree that black people are a problem with society. He says they all discuss that black people are a big issue with our city in regards to crime and drugs. He rationalizes that it is ok for him to discuss black people in this manner because his coworkers are black and they agree.I was FLOORED.

People choose to behave the way that they do. It is not because of their skin color… So this guy is a racist…

He goes onto discuss welfare and how he wishes to resolve the issues involved with it. He thinks anyone on welfare should earn their keep and be put into “work camps”. I mention that that sounds a bit “Nazi” and probably would not go over very well. He states that it would be OK if we just said we are “going green”.

I have nothing to say to this man at this point…

He then says that he thinks he should run for President and that I should be his running mate. I politely decline saying that I am not cut out for the job that he wants me to do. He reassures me that I’d be great.

The lunch comes to and end and not soon enough. I walk out to my vehicle and he follows. He tells me he had a lovely time and that he’ll come out closer to me next time we go out.

I awkwardly say, “Oh…yeah…I’ll be seeing you…”

He responds with, “You better!”

He tries to kiss me and I dodge his lips. I am utterly disgusted by this man and cut off all communication.

After 3 months of radio silence. He starts texting me again. I ignore. He then sends me messages on the dating site he initially contacted me. I ignore. After a week of texts, I politely say, “I’m not interested in pursuing anything further with you. Good luck on your search. Have a good day.”

He messages me again on the dating site asking why I am not interested. I thought it best not to respond although a twitter friend said that I should tell him, “Because I call you Nazi Jesus Boy”.

The world is full of diversity. I encounter a myriad of individuals trying their best to find companions in this life…Perhaps there is someone out their for our Nazi esque, racist, uber Jesus, Vanilla Ice wannabe. That someone was clearly not me.

Thank You for Reading,

Melliscious xx

J and the River

Younger boys are quite appealing. They have stamina, endurance, and bend in interesting ways. Many are terribly immature. Fortunately I am currently dating a younger boy who is far more mature than the rest…but that is another story. This story is about J. He approached me on an online dating site sending me a well thought out and polite message. I thought he was attractive but nearly dismissed him due to his age. He was polite and an intellectual. I find intelligence sexy. We text each other for a few days and seemed to hit it off well. We schedule a date.

I meet him at a local bar and burger joint. I am not much of a burger person but indulge in one of their salads and have a rum and diet coke. He dives into his burger and beer. He has striking blue eyes, is a bit skinny, but later I find out he is quite strong. Turns out our birthdays are the same. We finish dinner, continue our conversation, and decide to head out to the river and watch the boats sail by.

It is a bit chilly outside. It is early October and the night is a bit cool. We snuggle into each other. He kisses me and we move in a bit closer. His hands start roaming. I am very attracted to him and allow him to proceed up my skirt. At this point, I had NEVER had sex on a first date. Things continue to progress and get rather hot…

He lays down his coat and I lie on top of it. He lies on top of me…whispers in my ear and says, “I wanna take you here.” this excited me and he removes my panties. We have sex in at least 3 positions on the side of the river lying on cobblestones. The dry grass that had now become straw breached the stones on which we coupled. The sex was intense and quite enjoyable. I knew if we were caught we were likely to be arrested. We were not far from one of the local police stations.

After we finished…

I quickly put myself back in order. He held and kissed me softly. We went to a local 24 hour diner and had a bit of breakfast. It was approximately 2 am and a weeknight at that. He went back over our evening and laughed as we slowly pulled pieces straw out of my hair. He then informed me that we entertained 2 homeless men and a couple of late night joggers gave him a “thumbs up” at one point. I was quite embarrassed by all of that. I had never had sex on a first date! I have had sex in public areas prior to that moment, but it was always a bit more discreet and without an audience!

We had good chemistry. It was fun while it lasted but he had poly relationship issues with his girlfriend and things could not progress with us. He later contacted me again saying things were different. They weren’t. He said he wanted me to be a submissive to him. We started to make plans. Come to find out, he is not poly. He is strictly casual sex which would have been fine with me had he not presented himself as otherwise. He was not honest. We do not talk now. He handled things in an immature manner. His lack of life experience was showing. I hated the way things ended, but he is using BDSM as a way to get laid…to convince girls he is an experienced Dominant when he has no clue as to what he is doing…

Bad ending…but that does not negate the fun nights we did share. We had lovely moments. I will always remember my night with J and the river…I was pulling straw out of my hair for days…and would smile…

Thank you for Reading,

Melliscious xx

Awkward Number 1

When my husband and I made the decision to be “open”, I started to set up profiles on various dating sites. One was more adult driven and it was not uncommon for me to log onto my account and have 100 emails from penis pictures. It would literally be a forest of erect penises in avatar pics. It became quite stressful after a while. I was being hounded by an army of dicks telling me all the ways that they could make me orgasm. Sometimes I would make funny voices for these talking penises and amuse myself. I gave many of them cartoon voices according to the tone of the message and the pic itself….But I digress…

I am approached on this site by a man with an actual face picture and a polite message of interest…

It was easy to spot the non penis pic guys because there were so few of them and honestly…a dick pic is a dick pic and they all blend together after a while. I read his profile. He was a handsome Navy fitness trainer. He lived nearby. He had a little girl and seemed to have a solid head on his shoulders. We chatted a bit, exchanged numbers, texted and made a date to meet.

We met at a Sushi bar and had a lovely chat. He was handsome with gorgeous green eyes and quite fit. He walks me to my car and kisses me bye…twice. He was very gentlemanly and sweet. This was my second date, but first real possibility for a sexual encounter as a newly poly girl. The first guy was uncomfortable with the poly lifestyle. This new guy was not bothered by it. We make plans for an evening at his place for dinner, movie, video games.

The day comes when I go to visit his place…and with the lovely timing of nature…I get my period. I decide not to outright tell him this because there really is no nice way of saying, “Hey! Guess what? We are gonna have a GREAT time tonight ESPECIALLY if you are into bleeding vaginas!” I decide to go on with the evening to see how things unfold…

I carry on with making dinner, having wine and conversation. We play ROCK BAND on his Xbox and then watch a film. He starts kissing me and things begin to get heated. I then tell him at this point that I have actually started my period…

His response? “I don’t care, I will put down a towel if I have to.” It never really bothers me to have sex while I am menstruating. I actually find it soothing on cramps. I thought it might be awkward for a first time sexual experience for us as a couple. Nevertheless, I agree and we go to his bedroom.

I excuse myself to his bathroom and “handle things” before we get to going at it…He is naked and waiting for me in his bed. I tell him that I practice safe sex and use condoms. He is not used to using condoms but I insist. We continue foreplay some more with me on a towel…yes he laid out a towel…then he goes to put on the condom…

The condom is too big…

It wasn’t a triple x massive cock type of condom. It was a standard size Trojan condom. I was embarrassed for him. I was impressed by his persistence in trying to have sex with me with a condom that fit like a plastic shopping bag on a bunch of carrots. It kept slipping off and he kept saying he was not used to condoms. I could see why given that the standard size did not fit him. He probably had a hard time finding condoms that fit.

I could barely feel him inside of me. There was not much hope of gaining an internal orgasm but maybe his pounding into me might do something? He pulled my hair at one time and started talking dirty which was an admirable effort but all in all…I had a tiny orgasm earlier in the foreplay, and he did not get there at all.

We stopped and went to the kitchen for a snack on the leftovers…

We watched a little more of the film. I got dressed then went home. We texted each other a little bit after that then he fell off of the planet. Probably was for the best. The whole evening was a giant mess of awkward. We would not be able to give one another what we needed.

I will say that I have never been with a man that was too small to fit a standard sized condom. I am betting the horror of that moment probably killed the evening for him. And I felt horrified for him.

THAT was my first sexual encounter as a newly poly girl. Happy that I was wise enough to realize that there was more on the horizon and I just had to keep looking…

And another interesting addition to my collection of life’s stories…

Thank you for Reading,

Melliscious xx

The Nutty French Professor…A Night chock full of CRAZY

In my journey of polyamory, I have encountered interesting people. One of the oddest dates I have ever been on involved a French professor. We briefly met once for a drink. He called me a few weeks later and asked me to meet him a a local bar. We had a lovely chat the last time so I agreed.

Our next date:

We met at the bar. I had a rum and coke and he had a beer. We chatted for a bit. He mentioned going back to his place to watch a movie and chat because the atmosphere there was loud. I gave him a concerned look. His response? “Don’t worry, I am not going to try to sleep with you.” I tell him that I am required to text my husband the address that I am at whenever I go out for safety purposes. He complies and gives me his information. I follow him in my car and we go back to his place…

He offers to make me a coffee.He brings the French press to the living room and makes it for me there. I sit on the couch. He pops in a movie called CHOKE then has a seat next to me. We barely say anything during the film. He does, however, develop a fascination for the curls in my hair. He slowly starts to pick apart the curls essentially frizzing my hair. He then takes his wolf like nails, scratches my leg and says, “I’m trying to see if I leave any marks on you.”

Bear in mind, we have barely spoken. He is taking odd liberties. After the film is done (film was about a sex addict), he says he needs to go outside for a smoke and asks if I’d like to join him. I agree due to the fact I am oddly curious as to what this odd man might do next…

We go on his balcony (it’s screened in so no fear of being pushed off the edge.). He takes his fingers and starts poking my ribs. I give him an odd look while thinking, “WOW! you are WEIRD aren’t you?” He asks me to turn around and proceeds poking me again. He says that he is trying to see if I am ticklish. He then takes my face into his hands and gives me a rather creepy grin. He frizzes my hair some more. Tis a bit unnerving…We go back inside…

At this point I am hoping that he doesn’t wield a butcher knife and think DINNERTIME! I really didn’t think I was in total danger for he knew that my husband knew where I was…

We sit on the couch and he goes back to destroying my hairstyle and scratching my legs. He looks at me and says that he would like to show me how he kisses but he has bad breath. I offer him a mint. He graciously accepts and I eat one as well.

He looks at me and says, “I guess I could have brushed my teeth since I am at home. It may have been faster than sucking this mint.”

I say, “Well, yes. You could also bite the mint.”

He says, “No it will ruin my teeth!” I give him an odd look… O.o

I tell him that I am going to read one of his French books while he waits for the mint to dissolve. Since I studied Spanish, I thought I might know a few French words..I was also starting to feel like I was in a perpetual Monty Python sketch so playing along with the weirdness became quite fun.

He finishes his mint and kisses me. He is not a bad kisser although his breath did smell of minty cigarettes, beer and coffee. I mention that there were no marks from his nails. He tells me that this is good to know. He says he would like to arrange a play date one night. I smile politely while I am yelling, “Oh HELL NO!” in my head.

He mentions that it is getting late. I agree and we walk to my car. He doesn’t kiss me goodnight or hug me. He says to be safe driving and tells me goodbye. He walks back to his apartment without turning around or waving…

The night does not stop here with the weirdness…

I drive home taking a route that leads me through an unsavory area. It was the fastest route home. I see a car had crashed into a light pole. I stop, get out and phone 911. I walk to the car to find a man slumped over the steering wheel. I ask him if he is ok and can walk. He gets out of the car and leans against the side. I see smoke rising from the car and instruct the man to go to the curb.

The man says, “My cigarettes and glasses are in my car. Will you get them?”

I say, “Sir, I am not going into a smoking car to get your glasses and your cigarettes are in your front pocket.” He pats his ass. I direct him to his shirt.

He says,”I’m not even gonna lie. I am drunk. Just know that I swerved to miss a person and crashed my car. Therefore I sacrificed to save someone’s life!” There was no one in sight.

A lady walks out of her home and tells me she wants to stand with me just for safety’s sake until the police arrive because the area was known for being high crime. I am grateful.

The man says again, “I am very drunk.”

Me, “Yes.”

Man says, “I fucked up my life tonight, didn’t I?”

Me, “Yes, yes you did.” The police arrive and tell me to head home. I make it home safely free from harm but with an unusual night of tales to tell. I have no idea what sort of play the Nutty French Professor wanted to do. I do know that it wouldn’t involve me. You meet all kinds in the kink world. He is one of the many odd ones I have encountered…

Lesson? Make sure someone knows where you are at all times when you are out..

Thanks for Reading,

Melliscious xx