Identifying and Minimizing Predators

 

Having had my fill of predatory men in the kink scene, I have learned a lot about identifying and dealing with them. I am fortunate enough to have a strong support network of friends to help me over come the abuse and attempts of abuse from predatory men. I should point out there are female predators…I am focusing on the male gender as that is my consistent gender experience.

Some things you have to remember…

  1. Predators will not go away. I mean it. They will not go away…never fully.
  2. It is important to recognize their patterns, their methods, and how they dole out their own brand of abuse.
  3. Predators rely on silence, victim blaming, and victim shaming.
  4. They will move from your scene eventually and target others outside of it.
  5. To minimize predators, the kink environment must be made hostile to those types of people.

What I want to discuss in this piece is what makes an environment hostile for predators in a kink related community and how to identify them.

Patterns and methods of predators…

  1. They never take full responsibility for their behavior. They will take a minimal concession that is not reputation damaging to their respective egos…they will often say they didn’t communicate well, the other person misunderstood them..shifting blame and deflecting attention away from their actions.
  2. They have a vehicle to drive their stock of victims to them. It can be a blog, kink event (they have a say in/organizer), social media site…they will defend their vehicle as they put time into generating  it’s purpose to replenish the stock quickly.
  3. They are charming to everyone publicly. To many, they will be your best friend as they will need allies to defend them. They will be giving to these certain individuals and show a swift, fierce loyalty letting you see them somewhat vulnerable to establish your trust. Oftentimes…they play the victim to win you over and gain your sympathy.
  4. They find a weakness in others and strengthen a person by giving a substantial amount of care and attention to attach those unsuspecting to them. They will spend time giving a LARGE amount care to reinforce the trust of those they will use later.
  5. They will encourage others to fight their battles. After fierce loyalty is established, they will sic their “loyal and dearest friends” on anyone who says any kind of accusation..or an unkind word. (Bear in mind, these people have received copious amounts of care that show them how wonderful this man is…it’s almost a remarkable amount…and uncharacteristic of normal progression of friendships). These people will not be very receptive to any criticism as this man has ALWAYS been there for them when they needed him.
  6. There will be multiple stories involving different people. The predator will be able to explain away all of them…and often blame their victims for the very thing they do. *There’s something to be said that a person believes that what they do, everyone else does…predators are similar in this regard.
  7. Their behavior is predictable. They will do the same thing they have always done. Each predator has a different vehicle, their own style, their own method. If they’ve been successful in the past, they will continue to do the same thing they have always done if gone unchecked.
  8. They will do what they can to remain in a place of power by doing favors for others…often for free and even giving gifts/money, so others feel indebted to them and possibly turn a blind eye to their behaviors.

*I will happily add to this list in the future if I think on any other patterns/methods that predators exhibit.

Since kink events and kink websites are often the “hot spots” for predators…let’s talk about how to make them uncomfortable and leave…

How to make a kink environment hostile for predators…

  1. Communicate effectively, non-emotive, and show as well as request ample evidence.
  2. Allow a safe space for victims to discuss concerns without blame or judgement and FREQUENTLY remind people they can freely talk about anything without repercussions.
  3. Listen to the victims and ask for evidence…but do so with the intent of helping these victims…do not present a front that you don’t believe them…assure confidentiality and discretion.
  4. Ask other people who know the predator if they have heard anything about him (generally speaking without divulging information).
  5. Collect evidence and save everything.
  6. Confront the predator without emotion and ask for his side. Discuss non confidential evidence and concerns regarding specific incidents of behavior.
  7. Watch the predator and interactions as well as discuss behaviors with anyone he interacts with.
  8. It is helpful to have a lawyer friend who understands the law so they can advise accordingly.
  9. It is also important to have other unbiased people looking at the evidence to gain a perspective outside of your own.
  10. Be certain to disclose in advance predatory/abusive behavior warrants removal from an event/website. Be thorough in what constitutes removal and add a clause saying any activity deemed as potentially abusive will be considered as well.
  11. Any man who IS NOT a predator and rational will want to help aid the community in having a safe space for women. They will not be offended. They will cooperate without argument and offer to help.
  12. Seek to resolve first. If the predator is not removed right away, ensure the victim that you are watching the predator. Any subsequent complaints will warrant your swift actions in outing/removing said predator.
  13. Remember, the predator will not stop. However, the predator will rely on silence. The predator will continue the behavior and eventually get caught.
  14. BE DILIGENT AND CONSISTENT WITH EVERYONE!
  15. Accept evidence as it is…EVEN if he is your friend.

The key overall? Communication…effective, non-emotive, evidence based communication. BE CLEAR in what is NOT ok…and what IS abusive. Reminding the community from time to time is key in encouraging a safe space for people to explore.

Lastly, for women who suspect they are involved with a predator…

  1. Talk to others who know the man…listen to EVERY story. I do mean EVERY STORY.
  2. Show texts and interactions with others outside of the situation. They will point out behaviors that you are overlooking…potentially gas lighting like behaviors you may not notice.
  3. Ask people in the community what the safe/sane/consensual means. Discuss your or hypothetical stories with people you know and trust within the community.
  4. Talk to his previous partners…and LISTEN.
  5. Find leaders who are well respected in the community (just ask around and others will direct you)…ask them their thoughts on your play.
  6. RED FLAG: If your man does not want you to talk to others about him and/or demonizes/blames everyone he has ever been with…this is a problem.
  7. If you want to leave him, strengthen your support network and do not be afraid to ask for help as well as advice.

 

Predators are not going to go away…not fully. The key is to communicate and be clear as to what behavior is not acceptable. Accept evidence as it is and watch for patterns. Their methods usually do not change and they will do the same thing as it has worked for them in the past…at the time they change their methods, eventually they will be predictable once again.

Thank you for reading.

M

“It was an emotional moment…I couldn’t help it.”

It has been 2 years since I have posted on this site. I have had many adventures and explored many aspects of my kink and poly sides.

This post is about an event that happened last night.

I rarely sub. I require strong dominant males in order to rival my own energy and draw out the sub in me. There are few who can do that given I have a strong presence and dynamic personality. I have previously played with this “Dom”. He knew my one limit I had. He knew why I had that one hard limit. I will call him G.

I won’t divulge what that limit is given it is deeply personal to me and only people I play with need to know it.

We had not played in nearly 2 years because he moved out of the country for his job. He came back to town briefly and we scheduled play months in advance. I had not been played in nearly 4 months. I craved to sub and was excited I could be with him again. We discussed once more about my one hard limit and he said he understood. I will point out that there are limits that we had a mutual understanding with previously play that he broke this evening as well. I had not reiterated those limits as I believed them to be basic knowledge for him. I will discuss those as I discuss play.

The day of play…

I bought new lace panties, went to great extent to be showered, lotioned, shaved, and perfumed to his liking. I knew he liked princesses. I would wear a pretty, little black dresses, hair down, red lipstick…I would report to his casino hotel room at 930 pm…with my own toys in case he wanted to use them…G liked using my own toys on me…

The time comes and I report to his room. He opens the door tells me to come in and “put my shit down”. He hugs me, kisses me, and tells me I look great. The room is big. It has a jacuzzi bathtub oddly next to the bed. Glass walls that give a view of the shower. The bed is massive and there is a couch next to the window.

He asks me to present my toys to him…and I do. I give descriptions of each one and how I use them. He tells me I’m a good girl and positions me by the armoire. I am facing the side with my back to him. My phone starts to go off with messages. I ask him subserviently if I may turn off my phone as to not disturb him. He says for me to do so then return back to my position. I comply and wait for him to return to me.

His hands touch my hair then run down the back of my body…He tells me to breathe…instructs when I inhale and exhale. He asks if I am going to be a good girl for him. I say “Yes, sir”. His hand goes to my throat and he tells me to lean into his hand as he chokes me. I comply. He does this throughout our play.

NOTE: I am very fuzzy on many of the details of play as he played me intensely for 2 hours straight to the point I bled into the next day. I nearly blacked out a few times and he caught me when I began to fall. I was not coherent enough to be of sound mind for much of the play (as is expected for submissives in the throes of heavy play). I received no water or food during our play. My aftercare consisted of me trying to gather myself in an attempt to leave his room…but managed to only shiver on his bed curled up in a ball because I lacked the strength to stand. Many details are coming back to me as I write this so it may not be as fluid as my previous writings.

He stripped me starting with my dress, then my bra, and panties. He commented on how beautiful my back is and how he could not wait to mark it. He starts clawing my arms, legs, and back. He pulls my hair up so it is out of the way and begins to put restraint cuffs on my wrists and a collar on my neck.

G blindfolds me then positions me over to to the bathtub and ties my wrists to the metal hand rails by the entry steps. He puts on nipple clover clamps and does some breast play. This is where the majority of the play will occur…and where my memories begin to blend…

Over the course of the 2 hours, he flogs, paddles, slaps, chokes, canes, claws, and whips me. He plays me so hard that I nearly fall to me knees on several occasions, but catch myself. When he tires of hearing me cry out, he puts a ball gag in my mouth. He requires that I say “Thank you sir” for every strike even with the ball gag. If I miss one, he gives me 3 lashes.

He does not stay in the standard areas of play…middle back, breasts, buttocks, and upper thighs. He strikes my shoulder blades (with various instruments), portions of my lower back, canes my calves, and whips my arms.

As an aside: I am a switch who primarily plays as a Domme. It is hazardous and can cause permanent damage (as well as visible marks) if play occurs outside the standard (and safe) zones of the body. 

He cuts my arm with the whip and leaves lashes. I have bruises on my calves. and whip marks right above the bends of my knees. It is currently summertime and too hot to wear long sleeves and slacks. I will have to lie about my marks. This is just one broken limit of mine…of which he knew from previous play sessions.

At this point, one might say, “Why didn’t you safe word?”. I was ball gagged. I was out of my mind processing intense amounts of pain. I thought the strikes may have been accidental…clearly in hindsight…they were not.

Oftentimes one does not know someone is violating their limits and trust…essentially assaulting them until after play is finished… due to the active coping mechanisms and pain processing. This is why Dom/mme responsibility is essential in order to ensure damage to the sub does not occur…limits are present to aid the Dom/mme in understanding what could cause potential (and sometimes irreparable) harm to the sub.

He continues his play…he is rough with me to the point I bleed…even into intimacies…I do not know that I am bleeding until well after play.

Towards the end of our play he breaks my hard limit. The moment I realize, I immediately turn on him. After being played to the point I dropped to me knees, I find some strength and chastise him for breaking my hard limit. I tell him to pack my bags, I am leaving. I go to the bathroom to collect myself and realize I am bleeding and see the open marks on my arms. I go back in the main part of the room, get dressed and attempt to collect my faculties.

I tell him he ignored my hard limit. He says, “No I didn’t! It was an emotional moment and I couldn’t help it!” I correct him and say, “You did not adhere to my hard limit, therefore you ignored it!”. He apologizes and then becomes increasingly angry that I call him out on ignoring my limits. He says he will not listen to me telling him what he did was wrong.

He took no responsibility for himself or his actions. He admitted no guilt nor did he try to correct the situation.

I grab my bags and start to feel dizzy. I sit on the edge of the bathtub trying to regain my focus and strength. I had been broken by this man…the closest I have ever been to tears.

I attempt to stand up. Holding my phone and trying to work out my route through GPS…a part of me realizes that I may not be able to drive. I burst into tears and remind him why I have my hard limit. I remind him how much we discussed it. He sits on the couch by the window and stares at me the entire time. I can not look him in the eye.

I sit back down and remind him what it means to be a Dom/me. That limits are to be respected. That they ensure no one gets hurt. I remind him that I am a respected Domme because of the fact I am safe, sane, and consensual. I respect limits. I then look directly at him, tears still flowing and say that I trusted him. He stares back at me unshaken.

I attempt to stand again…I am very weak, dizzy, and unable to walk very far. He gave me no food or water. I did not ask for any, because I really wanted to leave. He offered me caffeine then told me to stop thinking and straighten up. I no longer listened or cared about what he had to say.

He says he did not want our few moments to be filled with me being upset. He works overseas and I’ll not likely see him again for a few years.

He will never see me again. He will never have the pleasure of me again. That is assured.

He finally showed some remorse, but it quickly vanished.

Conversation strangely went to what we had been doing with our lives. I mentioned my PhD program. He said I’d get bored with it just like everything else I’ve done. He was attempting to take jabs at me even in my vulnerable state. I again corrected him saying that I enjoyed my previous job but was given a better offer at the university.

I attempted one final time to go…I could not drive. I said I needed to lie down. He responded in a short tone,”Well do it then!”

I curl up on top of the mattress and tremble. He sits on the couch and looks at his IPad. He occasionally looks at me. He then comments, if you are cold then work the thermostat. I say ok. He then responds, “Or I will, whatever.”. I get up and adjust the thermostat to make the room warmer.

A few hours pass…I remain in my ball trembling without a blanket. He remains on his couch by the window occasionally looking at me. I desperately needed aftercare after 2 hours of hard play. However, I did not want him anywhere near me.

115 am comes around…I had been lying in that ball since 1230 am. At this point I realize it would be nearly 3 am when I finally got home if I left. I was exhausted, still dizzy, and unable to walk. He had gotten onto the bed next to me but maintained his distance.

I had to stay the night in his room. Driving home for 1.5 hours would have been too dangerous for me in this condition. I prepared for bed leaving on all of my clothes. I curled up with my back to him and slept until 715 am…

I laid in the bed and cried a bit more before I changed my clothes and gathered my things. I said I had to go home. He said he had to head out too. He hugged me and asked if I was ok to drive. I said I was fine. Said goodbye and left his room.

I got onto the elevator and burst into tears…tried to collect myself to exit the casino…made it to my car and cried.

I drove home. My primary had read my Twitter account giving insight to my experience and immediately instituted care for me.

I texted G trying to get some kind of support, accountability, and reassurance…he received the texts, read them, and has yet to respond. He has no concern for me in any regard.

I have cried off and on today. I have taken breaks writing this post because it has been draining. I will likely be up at 3 am from my brain trying to process this for several days if not a week or so.

I feel it is important for me to write this post for therapeutic and informative purposes.

People need to understand the level of damage that can happen from negligent individuals who ignore limits and perform non consensual acts. Limits are adhered to for reasons. G may have felt my limits were silly. The fact of the matter is, he does not need to understand my limits. He needed to respect them. That was all that was required of him. 

Non consensual acts are assault. There is no gray area. Either it is “Yes you can do that!” or “NO! That hurts me!” When limits are ignored, it is disregarding the “NO!”. NO, means NO. It does not mean that you will change my mind mid play. It does not mean my body no longer belongs to me and you get to ignore my rules. This. Is. Assault!

I was assaulted last night by someone I trusted.

Thank you for reading. And thank you for the endless support from individuals all over who have heard my story and lent an ear and a shoulder. ❤

Ms M

Breaking the Brat…

From time to time I double Domme…meaning I play a submissive along with another Dominant. I had the pleasure of playing with a lovely little lady of whom I call L. I also had the pleasure of showing off my Domme skills with another male Dominant of whom I will call D.

L and I became acquainted over a long period of time via the internet. She and I would chat about various things including kink…We steadily became friends…I planned a trip to visit the town where she lived…She expressed interest in play. L is beautiful and I absolutely wanted to play with her…I wanted her in my hands…I wanted her to experience the Domme side of me…

I came to know D in a very similar way. We chatted and developed a steady friendship that developed into a closeness that we were able to explore much later…I was very attracted to D…he heavily pushed my submissive buttons…when D heard I was coming to town to visit, I mentioned that I would be seeking play. Naturally, since D knew L and had played with her, it seemed fit for all of us to experience this together…

I had met L (the sub) at a bar to get a bit more acquainted prior to our play date. She was all smiles. She seemed a bit nervous but had a glimmer in her eye that revealed an underlying excitement.

She would ask me what I had in store for her. I would not tell her.

I wanted her to wait. I wanted her to stew. I wanted her to be surprised…I had plans for this one…

She had bragged to me saying that I could not break her. I could not make her come…not with a specific instrument…

I do not know if the Dom that was working with me had managed to break her in the past. I imagine he had.

It was my thought that I would be able to do it. I could get in her head…I could have her long for my touch…long for that kiss…long for my hand on her body…She would most certainly give me what I wanted…she did not know it yet…and she would want more…

The thing that separates me from many Dommes/Doms is that I am truly 100% switch. I am as much of a sub as I am a Domme. I know the sting of a whip. I know the rush of hard play. I have experienced giving and receiving pain in large amounts. I know what it takes to break a brat…Because I know what it takes to break me…

On the Day of Play…

I go to the local hardware store and peruse the shop looking for potential toys. I know what I want. I am an earnest fan of making my own toys or finding things in various stores to use as toys.

I looked at duct tape, zip ties, candles, power tools…then I went to the plumbing department…Chrome…a cold, bright silver chrome pipe…and a long rod of rebar that fit ever so nicely inside the chrome pipe…Both would provide different sensations. The chrome a hard, cold thud…The rebar…a tickle…

I was thrilled! I audibly squeed in the store and clapped my hands. It was relatively clear that the people there were surprised that a girl in the plumbing department in a hardware store could get so excited. I happily purchased my wares.

I later stopped at a grocery store and picked up some plastic clothes pins to use for play…and champagne of course…Champagne can be used as more than as a beverage…

Taking public transport was interesting with my full bag of toys. I had a giant red duffle bag that was full of various instruments of pain and tickles. The long chrome pipe was not concealed and protruded from the bag. I received odd looks. I figured if anyone asked, I would say that I am a performance artist…which in many ways is completely true…

I arrive at our meeting location…

We met at a bar prior to play for a drink and a chat. I had discussed limits with both the Dom and the sub prior to meeting them. This day of play had been scheduled for quite a while. This Dom, D, had already experienced play with this sub. He was very curious as to my abilities and techniques. I was glad to have him there so I could take solid cues in regards to L. I always put the safety of those who sub/bottom to me first. I had never seen her played before that day. I wanted to make sure that I would not push her too far…

L tells D to get her some wine as she goes to the ladies’ room. He looks at me and tells me how cheeky she is for assuming and demanding that. I smile and say that it is OK…I’ll make her pay for it later.

I eat some chips and a little bit of hummus. We all have wine. Anticipation grows as we each look at each other and make small talk. The time comes to go to the private dungeon. It is only a few blocks walk…

We arrive…

The private dungeon is in a seemingly residential area…It has individual rooms. I did not see the other rooms but I imagine that they cater to a specific theme. D had made arrangements for the dungeon. I was not disappointed. It had all of the essentials.

L goes into the bathroom and changes. I am fairly comfortable around D so I changed in the dungeon. He does not oppose this decision. He pauses, takes a glance at me while I change, put his gloved hand to his mouth, and smiles wickedly…

I wear a black and shiny string bikini top…fishnets…black lace panties..and knee high, strapped, leather stiletto boots. I leave my fire red hair down…As a Domme, it is essential that I dress the way I want to feel. I wanted to feel strong, tall, and dripping with sexual energy…

L comes out in a beautiful purple and black lace bra and panty set with thigh high stockings. She is gorgeous…She seems a bit nervous and a little shaky. I imagine the anticipation was finally getting to her. D walks up to her, whispers words to her then tells her to go lie on the spanking bench…

I am not a tall woman by any means…Many call me small…To some I am tiny…L is a little slip of a girl…much smaller than me. In my boots and gear…I towered over her. I wanted her to feel my strength…

The dungeon had toys there…I am always a bit leery of toys that belong to others. I clean my gear. I know where my gear has been…so I use only my gear…I have my toys laid out and ready for use…

I walk over to L and give her my instructions…I grab her by the hair, pull her head up and whisper into her ear…I tell her that I want her to follow my instructions. I ask her if she is going to be a good girl for me. She responds with a quivering, “Yes, Ma’am…”

I am a resourceful Domme and find joy in using everyday things as toys. I decided to warm up L with a ping pong paddle. It has tiny bumps on it that provide a stingy and thuddy sensation…and when rubbed on a paddled and heated spot…it can send tingles of pleasure…

D tells L that he has brought me in…a proper and experienced Domme to play with her…They both are excited that I am there…I hold the same excitement…we all are grateful for the opportunity…

D takes his place and stands over me watching me…I can feel his ever watchful gaze on me…He has a profound presence when he wants it to be made known…

I did fear that I would turn quite subby with D around looking at me as he did…he is one of the few that can illicit that type of response with me…I had to throw myself into Domme mode completely because if D gave me a certain look or touched me in a specific way…I would lose all of my concentration…

I squat down behind L with her perfect bottom in view…not far from my face…I lightly paddle her exposed areas…she starts to wiggle a bit…I add a bit of force building up with each blow…the soft flesh becomes pink, hot and red…she wiggles and moans…she then thanks me for warming her up…

D grabs the chrome pipe and I handle the rebar…He takes a moment to feel the weight of it…he swings it around a bit. I tell L that I have bought something just for her. D strikes her ass with the cane. She jumps a bit and moans. I follow with a tickle of rebar to her feet. I can not help but smile at the reaction L has…she giggles a bit and her feet squirm as I tickle her relentlessly and D canes her with the cold chrome.

I laugh…D smiles wickedly…L is being subjected to conflicting sensations. I wanted her to be completely lost in the experience. We were guiding her. We were taking her on a journey of the senses…She would get lost in all of this…but we would guide her back…

With L laughing through the pain of the cane…D and I take turns delivering the confusing sensations…

We give L a break and indulge in a bit of champagne. L does not need any at the moment…so, I tell her how good she is being and trail my hand down the back of  her exposed body…

D walks over to me and gives me quite a delicious look…it is one of those looks that causes my world to pause…I had to keep the sub side at bay…I drink my champagne and D recommends that we restrain L to a fixture while she stands…

I regain composure…

Using my cuffs and carbiner clamps (rock climbing grade, no less), we restrain L to an overhead fixture. There is a mirror beside us. I stand behind her and look into the glass. She is gazing at the reflection…I mention that she must be admiring the view…I certainly was…

I place my arms on her waist and pull her close to me…I whisper in her ear of how lovely she looks and remind her of her instructions as well as the safe word…She answers with a quiet and quivering, “Yes, Ma’am”.

D grabs a flogger…I move to the front of L…her eyes turn downward…D begins to start his resounding rhythm…the blows are percussive…and the gasps of L fall into the beat…

I grab L by the throat…I wanted her to look at me. I wanted to see her journey. I wanted to gaze into her eyes…feel her pain and her pleasure. I wanted her to share this with me…

She at first looks away from my gaze…I say to her “Look at me!”…she quickly responds with a “Yes, Ma’am.” I smile at her and call her a good girl…I do not recall if I said this aloud but I felt the moment when I saw her transition…”There it is…” I smile…I knew what she was going through…I could see it in her eyes…she could not hide it from me and she gives me that moment.

I longed to flog her…D changes positions with me. I move to the back and begin flogging her. He takes her by the throat…and I know he sees what I saw…her suffering and her bliss…her back is warm and riddled with flogging marks…I take a moment to run my hands along the dark and delicious art that D and I have made of her back…

I ask L if she would like some water…she says, “No, Ma’am.” I grin and ask if she would like some champagne…she nods with a “Yes, Ma’am”…I bring the cup to her lips…she sips the champagne delicately…I could not help but to kiss her lips…

We give L a moment to regroup…

D comes close to me and gives me another one of his devilish smiles…It takes everything in me to fight the submissive clawing to get out…I wanted him to restrain me to L and beat me senseless…I wanted him to rip off my clothing, put his hands on my body, bring me pain and pleasure…then defile us both…I could not ignore the desire and the persistent urges…

D kisses me and comments again about how beautiful and how hot L and I are…I thank him and prevent myself from turning into a puddle…

I know D wanted to watch me break L. I wanted to break L…and I wanted him to watch me do it…but I had to control the sub in me that was redirecting my focus.

So…I made a mental bridge between the 2 as switches tend to do…I would break L which would please D…this in turn would cause me to be satiated in my Domme desire as breaking L is what I wanted to do from the beginning…

These mental workings calmed my submissive side and gave me an added goal…I wanted D to see the full effect of my Domme side and gain pleasure from it…He would see all of my creativity, sadism, and sensuality…L would benefit and I wanted her to experience everything I had…All of this only made the entire experience that much more delicious…

I take a another sip of champagne…it was time to give L a bit more of my attention…

I walk behind L and mention to her that I am going to remove her bra…I say to her if that she is uncomfortable, to express it at this time using the safe word or to nod saying, “Yes.” She shakes her head no and I take that as my cue to slowly remove the straps of her bra…I can feel D’s gaze on me…my senses are heightened…D is watching us closely…I am enthralled…I completely remove L’s bra…

Her breasts are beautiful…I take a moment to run my hand up to her throat pulling her chin back…I nibble on her neck and explore her chest with my other hand…I tell her how beautiful she is…I hear her gasp and sigh…I tease her neck with my teeth and her cheek with my tongue…she moans….

I here D faintly say, “Gods…this is hot…” This arouses me even more…

I had purchased clothespins at the shop earlier that day…I walk over to my collection of toys and open the packages…I see a hint of fear in L’s eyes…D insists that I go first…I make circles around each of L’s perfect breasts with the clothespins….then save one for each nipple…L whimpers…

D says, “Everyone goes for the breasts. I like the more sensitive areas.” He places clothes pins in delicate rows inside L’s inner thighs and down the sides of each of her arm…just right above her arm pit…she whimpers and moans a bit louder…I take it upon myself to lightly pluck each clothespin giving a here bit more pain.

I smile and giggle…I can see her struggle…D mentions how it is so refreshing to see another Dominant giggle and smile during play. There are many Dominants who are incredibly serious and intense. These moods can be crippling for some…Play need not be serious all of the time…

My giggling is genuine. I enjoy play in every sense of the word. One night, I was giggling loudly while beating a boy. I wore a cherry covered bra top and a pink tutu. I was called “the pain fairy” all evening. Giggling sadists bring their own life to the BDSM world…

As I pluck each clothespin and giggle like a giddy school girl, D smiles and gives  little laugh of his own…L starts to shake a bit…I stroke her hair…it may be time for more champagne. I once again ask her if she would like some water. She says, “No Ma’am.” I smile again and ask her if she would like some champagne…she nods.

I take the cup to her lips…she takes a long sip…ah…those lovely lips again…she locks eyes with me…I move in to kiss her once more…she opens her mouth and passes me champagne…what a lovely and sensual girl…I take it and kiss her deeply…I offer her another sip…

It was time for another paddling of L…her senses were being heightened by the clothespins. I wanted to take her to the edge. However, it was getting hot in the dungeon…I was very aroused…I was starting to sweat…and the strings of my top were getting in my way…

So I removed my string bikini top…and walked over to L…I stood behind her once more…I put my arms around her waist and pull her closer to me…my bare breasts touch her back…we are skin to skin and both looking in the mirror at the reflection…I kiss her…

I start to walk over to my toys…D stops me for a moment…pulls me a bit closer to him…he looks deep into my eyes…and runs his hand down the front of my chest in between my breasts to inside my panties…Shock waves erupt throughout my body…I gasp…I am wet…D smiles…

D walks over to my toys…It is time to paddle L again…he grabs a paddle I have with names of various streets on it…we are going to play a game…

L is given a few seconds to memorize the names of the streets on the paddle. There are approximately 7 of them…each written in a different script/font. She is then instructed to list each one within a given time period…if she is incorrect, she feels the sting of the paddle. She lists them all correctly save 2. D and I are impressed with her ability to maintain some mental coordination given the clothespins and fear of the paddle…for the 2 she misses she receives the blows…and she cries out…

L has endured the clothespins for quite some time…time tends to get lost during play so it is important to maintain concern over the amount of pain inflicted on someone bottoming/subbing to you.We check her hands for circulation…she is fine…

We decide to be kind and remove her clothespins…but ever so slowly…I start and remove each one slowly off of L and follow each one with my tongue or a gentle kiss…D slowly removes his placed clothespins softly touching reddened areas adding a bit more pain to the sensation…

Once the clothespins are removed, D goes behind L and I go to the front…I start kissing L then go to her neck and start biting her…D is biting her from behind. L cries out and moans with each bite…we tear into her…her cries and moans fuel the fire…I kiss and bite her lip…D kisses her…we continue biting her…

Then I lock eyes with D…I see the same darkness and desire in him that I am feeling in that moment…we have been in sync the entire play feeding off of one another and beautiful L…We slowly lean over L’s shoulder and deeply kiss….time is lost to us once again…

After our kiss, I move to go get more champagne…I spill a bit on L…I lick it off. I grin…I pour a little bit down the front of L…I follow the stream of champagne with my tongue lapping up every ounce of her…D smiles and asks me to pour it down her back…without hesitation I say, “Yes, Sir…” and pour it down the back of L…I again lick my way to the top of her body…I share the champagne with L…

We check L…her hands are a bit cool…it is time to move her back to the spanking bench…

I pull out my bright blue silk scarves and restrain L’s feet to the bench…It is time for another game…

D and I take turns tracing L’s body with our fingers…we then pull out a paddle…We ask her to guess who is hitting her with it…if she gets it wrong, she gets an additional hit…She gets it right a few times and gets it wrong others…we giggle and have fun dolling out paddles as she squirms and moans from each hit…

I put the paddle away…I want her to succumb to one final toy…one she says that will never make her come…a vibrating wand…I ask her if she is uncomfortable to please nod yes or say the safe word…she shakes her head no…D smiles and says we should try new things…

I squat once more behind L’s lovely ass…I place the vibrating wand on the outside of her panties and press my finger inside her through her panties…I tell her she is not to come without my permission…D grabs a flogger and starts flogging her relentlessly…I continue to change speeds on the wand and penetrate her with my finger…I nibble and bite at her thigh…she moans and wiggles…she gasps at each drop of the flogger…

After a while…I tell her she can come…I hear her moaning in pleasure…I can feel the heat of her body…her hips move into a rhythm…I ask her if she is coming…she responds with a gasping and breathy, “Yes, Ma’am…” She continues to moan…I continue my work, D persists with the flogging…Many minutes later…I ask her, “Do you want to stop coming?” She responds with a whimpering, “I don’t know…” The forced orgasms and flogging  continue until I decide that it is time she has a break…

We give her another moment to recuperate…

I clean my toys and put them away…D comes up to me, pulls me close and tells me how hot and magnificent I was…we were in perfect harmony with one another. He smiles…we help L up and then D excuses himself for a moment…

I sit on the floor and hold L close to me…I wrap my arms and legs all the way around her and cradle her so gently. D comes in with a blanket…he says that we look beautiful…and joins us in a cuddle session…

After a while of holding one another, L decides to get feisty and bites me incredibly hard…clearly we needed to wrestle this out…

I politely ask D if he would mind moving so I could deal with L…He hops up quickly and watches 2 topless ladies wrestle each other on the ground…During our wrestle session, D mentions that he never understood the appeal of watching ladies wrestle until this very moment…I smile from ear to ear.

L is quite a contender. However, I am much stronger than she…we wrestle for a few minutes then I pin her to the ground by her throat. I ask her if she submits…reluctantly she submits to me…

Our 2 hour time limit has come to an end in the private dungeon. We must change, collect our things, and go…I did not want these moments to end…

L excuses herself to the ladies’ room…Again, I am comfortable changing in front of D…I start to collect my things…then he gives me that look once more…I gravitate naturally to him…D puts his arm around my waist and the other hand in my hair and kisses me so passionately…his right hand moves down from my waist and continues on feeling the form of my body…his other hand stays firmly yet softly in my hair…my arms go around his neck and rest on his shoulders…we kiss for a while…

I had pleased D. I had shared an experienced with the both of them where I was able to express my Dominant side. Together with D, we took L to the edge and softly brought her back…L had given me everything I wanted…I had given D all that he wanted…

I desperately wanted more time…

L returns and I change in front of both of them…I was not shy at all…

We gather our things and return to the pub where we met prior to play…we had a few drinks…I got a bit bitey with D. L and I kissed a bit more…D and I kissed a bit more…they then walked me to my public transport…

I did not want to leave…I wanted more time…but I had a prior engagement…

I gave D my chrome “cane” and rebar insert…It would not fit into my suitcase for the travel home and would be a lovely memento of our time together…I knew D would enjoy the new found cane…L kept the cork from the champagne bottle as her memento…

We keep in contact, daily…I will see them both again soon. I am planning another trip… However, I miss them…terribly…

Writing this post has been quite emotional for me…because it reminds me of how wonderful our time together was…How lovely they are…How I miss them…and that I am thankful that I can call them both “my friends”…I hold them ever so close to me…this post is very much for the both of them as it is for me. It is my gift to them. xxx

Thank You For Reading,

The Divine Ms. M xx

The Gentleman Sir…

As a true switch, it is difficult to find Dominants that can effectively give me what my submissive side needs. My energy is strong. I intimidate many. As a Domme, I am quite fierce.

Most men come to me wanting me to top them or Domme over them. Other men see my energy and fierceness as some sort of challenge and try to take from me. They never get far with that.

I have truly submitted to only 2 people. By true submission, I mean completely gave all of myself in the moment. I did not fight back. I willingly gave as much of myself as I could.

The first Dom did not respect this. He asked me to give everything and I gave all that I could. He, in the end, was not worthy and was very hateful to me…He abused this and did not respect what I gave to him.

I did not truly submit again for well over a year…And it was to someone worthy… I call him the Gentleman Sir.

I first met the Gentleman Sir through friends via the internet. We chatted back and forth for a while. We began to see similar interests and philosophies in life, love, kink, and BDSM. Our chats went from weekly to daily and we began to develop a friendship.

He would tell me the importance of being given submission. He never wanted to take anything from me. He did not want a challenge from me. He wanted me to trust him. He wanted me to allow him to treasure me and what I gave to him. He said that he would push me to my limits, but he would catch me before I fell. He would hold me close to him…

This was something that I had not heard from Doms in the past. I was giving to him. He would not take from me. He would never try to do that. So many Doms would just expect me to play and I would say no. They would see this as a challenge to coerce me to play with them trying to find some forceful way in…they wanted to play for the sake of playing…and to boost their ego by topping a strong Domme publicly…

I tend to see right through such self entitled Doms…and the world is populated with a superfluous amount of them…

The Gentleman Sir and I continued to chat. I never promised play but I slowly started to open up…We took slow and steady steps towards each other. Our friendship continued to develop…We were cautious as we progressed and yet optimistic that this was something that we both needed in our lives.

The day came for us to meet…

We met over drinks one evening. He took me to a place that he knew would be a quaint and quiet spot for us to talk. He was warm, kind, doting, and affectionate. We had a deeper, heart to heart and face to face chat about many of the things we had discussed previously.

That evening, my high, barb wire covered walls came down. He knew I had personal things on my mind. I did not need to say a word. We had both listened to one another for months and could see clearly into each other at that point. He reached out to me, confronted my personal issues, and my defenses fell…I had let him in…and he knew this…

I became vulnerable. This is rare for me. I rarely weaken and allow people within my walls…I am very open and naked when people are inside of them. I started to feel a bit shaken and a bit afraid.

In this moment, he could have abused such power. He did not. He took my hand and kissed my brow…It was a tender and warm moment.

We had made some plans to have a date and play. He humbly said that he wanted to give me an opportunity to decline if I wanted…and if not, we would continue as planned. Being very much attracted to him, the events of the evening, and with everything that had transpired over the months; I absolutely wanted to continue with our plans.

The day of our play…

We spent the day going to a museum and garden. We are both intellectuals and greatly enjoy such things. He knew the museum and garden well. He took me to the parts he knew I would find interesting. We strolled through the gardens. He would stop and kiss me ever so sweetly.

I had teased him earlier on the journey there. I was wearing a white lace dress and thigh high stockings…I slowly lifted my skirt to show him. He smiled devilishly. When he found the moment, he pulled me close to him and passionately kissed me…his hands softly touching my face and his lips trailing down my neck…I also teased him on the journey back…He said I was a naughty girl for teasing him and I would pay for it later…

We had a wonderful day. Our conversation was lovely. We were very affectionate with one another. The chemistry was incredible. I could not wait for our evening of play.

We went to my room…

He instructed me to wait for him in my room and he would follow shortly thereafter. I prepared for him. I freshened up and laid out the toys for him…he knocked on the door…I opened it…

He walked in the room, put his hand on my throat and pushed me up against the wall. He kissed me. He told me to walk over to the bed. He looked me over and smiled saying how perfect I looked. He instructed me to sit on the bed. I sit.

He lifted my chin with his finger and said, “You are only to speak when spoken to. You will follow my instructions. If I ask you a question you will give me a thorough and honest answer. Do you understand?”

I quietly say, “Yes, Sir.”

He walks over to the table where the toys are and starts looking through them. I tell him that I have laid them all out for him. He smiles, walks over to the bed, kisses me on the cheek and calls me a good girl. He then tells me to stand up…I follow his direction…

He pulls the top of my dress down exposing me with exuberance as if I were a present on Christmas morning. He puts his hand on my throat, tilts my head back and bites my neck. As he bites me, I gasp and he explores my chest with his other hand…

He walks me to the side of the bed with his hand on the back of my neck.

He turns me around and says, “What kind of reward should I give you when you are a good girl?”

I softly say, “A kiss…please, Sir.”

He says, “A kiss? That is quite reasonable and sweet.”

He instructs me to get onto the bed on all fours. He lifts up my dress and tells me how much he admires the view. He says he never wants to hear me complain about my bottom…ever. He said it is perfection.

He proceeds to paddle and flog me. I moan, whimper, and cry out. He pauses from time to time to softly and delicately run his fingers along the curves of my body. My body lifts to meet his hand… He mentions how receptive I am.

He tells me how many prefer their submissives naked. He says that he sees the beauty in the disheveled look…He says he will not remove my panties until they are wet. He pauses to take a mental picture…to create a solid memory.

He tells me to lie on my back…he pins my arms down and lays on top of me…he proceeds to bite all over my neck and chest. He smiles after each bite and each whimper I make…he then kisses me…

He asks me how I am feeling…I say that I am enthralled…He says that this is a good answer…

He then restrains my arms behind my back with silk. He notices the mirror with a chair in front of it. He tells me to sit in the chair and face the mirror.

He says, “I want you to see this. Do you trust me?” I nod and I watch him put his gloved hand over my nose and mouth. His gaze is intense as he holds my breath in his hand. I make a soft sound and squirm a bit. He releases his hand and I gasp. He repeats this a few more times…he then removes his glove and places his fingers into my mouth…I trace my tongue along his fingers…

I want to please him and give him pleasure…He senses this…He teases me allowing me to taste him briefly…he then tells me that there will be more later. He directs me to stand and he kisses me…he tells me that I am such a good girl…

He instructs me to return to the bed on my knees and my head down…My arms are still restrained…He paddles and flogs me some more. He then removes the silk restraints and tells me to lie on my back once more…

He grabs a vibrating wand and lies beside me. He places the wand on the outside of my panties. He tells me I am not allowed to cum without his permission. He teases me changing the speed and I squirm…He tells me that he knows that it is a bit of torture for me. I feel waves of pleasure and I start to ache…

His hand moves up my thigh…My white satin panties give me away as they are wet…He smiles and then removes them and mentions how soaked they are.

He has me stand and restrains me with cuffs and carbiner clamps behind my back. He tells me to get on my knees on the bed and put my head down towards the bed. I am vulnerable and completely open to him. He spanks me in a random rhythm….some hit hard and some hit softly…from time to time he pauses and tells me how beautiful I am and how beautifully I suffer for him. He leans in and whispers in my ear that he thinks I can take much more…I agree with a soft, “Yes, Sir.” He then paddles me with another harder toy…I feel the sting much more and he comments on how well I mark.

His fingers lightly graze the heated areas where I was spanked and paddled…I sigh and open up a bit more to him…his fingers penetrate me…

I long for more…

He instructs me to lie on my stomach with my legs straight…I feel his body weight on top of me and that gloved hand across my mouth and nose…His hand lingers there a bit longer and I squirm under his weight.

He says, “There is so much trust in breath play. You literally are holding someone’s life in your hands…their very breath…I love feeling you squirm underneath me…” He removes his hand and I gasp for air…

He places his hand over my mouth and nose again…it stays a bit longer…I squirm a bit more and whimper…He holds me down tightly and then removes his hand…I gasp over and over again…he rubs my hair and soothes me telling me that I am ok…

He tells me to lie back onto my back…He grabs another wand, lies back on the bed and sets the second wand aside. He asks me if I will cum for him. I softly say yes…He grabs the wand and presses it between my thighs on the highest setting. He moves it ever so slightly as to find the one spot that gives me the most pleasure.

He says, “Right there…that is the spot…” and smiles.

He starts kissing my neck and my chest as I moan and cry out from each wave of pleasure…He kisses me…He then opens my legs a bit more, repositions, and uses both internal and external wands on me…He kisses my inner thighs and nibbles on them while I squirm…without him saying to do so, I ask for permission to cum. He grants it and I cum once more…He comments on how beautifully I cum.

I remember him asking me a question in this moment…I believe it was in regards to if I wanted him to stop…I remember responding with a gasping, “I don’t know…” He smiles and laughs a bit as he continues to play with me and the toys.

He finally stops and lies next to me. He asks me how I am feeling and I say that I am happy. He asks me what I am thinking of and I respond…”Only you, Sir.”

He helps me to roll onto my stomach. He removes the restraints and gives me a moment to regain composure. Once I regain composure, he calls me to the side of the bed and I taste him once more…with my hands freed to explore him a bit…I was eager to please him…

Afterwards…

He says that he can not have a complete evening without watching me dance.I gave him options for my costume. He picked the one he wanted me to wear. I slowly removed my dress and bra…and put on my costume while under his intense gaze.

I did find it difficult to dance for him after play. I was a bit out of it but managed to dance to 2 songs and bring a smile to his face, a bit of laughter, and applause…I returned to the bed and sat in front of him…He said I did well and kissed me.

He tells me he wants to see his work. I remove the bottom portion of my costume…The top remained on me and jingled as I returned to being on all fours on the bed. He noticed marks were fading a bit and paddled me a bit more…With every hit, my costume jingled with music as I cried out…He said he would love to have his very own dancing slave girl…He paddled and spanked me a bit longer then sat on the bed…

He said he was pleased with me and I was a good girl…I immediately crawled into his lap, threw my arms around him, and held him close to me.

He smiled and sighed…He held me so close and kissed me sweetly…I did not want him to let me go…I did not want to let him go…

Throughout our play he gave me wine and water as I requested it. He was doting and told me how strong and beautiful I am…

I did not want the evening to end…

I had given so much of myself to him…and he treasured it. He respected it. He adored it. I felt cared for, protected, pushed, beautiful, strong and treasured…the polar opposite of the other Dom of whom I had submitted to previously.

And truly…I gave The Gentleman Sir so much more of myself than I gave the other Dom…because this second one is worthy and treasured what I was giving to him…

I miss him…very, very much…We can not play frequently or see one another regularly due to our locations…

Yet… every day we chat…He tells me how lovely and wonderful I am. He tells me how much he can not wait to see me again. We are close. We have let one another in behind our high walls. We respect one another and are grateful to be a part of each other’s lives…I feel treasured, cared for, protected, and adored by him…even now…

THIS is what I need as a submissive…I will receive anything you give me and give you all that I have…but what I give needs to be treasured, respected, adored, and appreciated…

I count the days until I can see my Gentleman Sir once again…I want to put my arms around him once more, kiss him, see him smile, hear him sigh and tell me how much he treasures me and what I give him…

I know he will hold me in the palm of his hand. He will not drop me or break me…he will not abandon me…He has promised this and has kept his word thus far… ❤

Thank You For Reading,

Melviscious xx

Superheroes, Villains and Their Kink Roles Part 2: Metropolis and the Man of Steel

Continuing on with this series analyzing Superheroes, Villains, and their hypothetical kink roles in various forms of media, eyes look to the bustling city of Metropolis.

Unlike many in the Avengers that reveal their identity, Superman hides his. Many in the kink community hide their identity to protect their positions in life, their family, their jobs…all because society does not welcome and/or does not understand the lifestyle. Superman is similar in that he hides to maintain some sense of “normalcy” in a world that does not understand him.

Let’s take a look at The Man of Steel:

superman

“All those things I can do…all those powers…and I couldn’t even save him…”

Only son of Jor-El from the lost planet of Krypton. His Krypton name is Kal-El.

Has immense strength and is impenetrable to weapons from Earth. Has the ability to fly and travel at speeds that clock faster than sound. The actual speed limit of Superman is debatable. He is a superhuman that has enhanced human abilities.

Limits: Superman can not see through lead and is rendered helpless by the extraterrestrial rock know as kryptonite (from his home planet). In the presence of this rock, he weakens close to the point of death.

Raised by humans Martha and Jonathon Kent, he led a humble farmer life and was given the earth name “Clark”.

He hides his natural superhuman state and alter ego “Superman” as the humble and unmentionable Clark Kent…a news journalist at the Daily Planet. He follows orders according to society’s standards as Clark Kent and upholds the law as Superman.

It is rumored that the love of his life is Lois Lane…a strong female and another journalist at the Daily Planet.

BDSM Analysis:

Superman hides his identity to protect the ones that he loves from his enemies. The identity he chooses to represent his “human self” is Clark Kent. Clark is a very quiet and unremarkable person that discreetly does his job. He shies away from others in the office and gives the appearance of a weaker man. He takes orders from everyone including Lois Lane. As Superman, he is the most powerful superhuman on Earth. As Clark Kent, he is the weakest. He longs to be human but can not. Since this is the case, he chooses to protect humanity…the world he now loves. He serves his planet and yields to the call and whims of Lois Lane.

Superman is a submissive. He takes orders and upholds all of society’s laws. He does whatever he can to please Lois Lane. He even became human for her once in the second Donner film. He wants to please the people in his life. He requires structure and rules in order to function as Clark or Superman. He chooses to represent himself as a weaker man in need of direction through the alter ego Clark Kent. Kent is the embodiment as what he sees as human and how he wishes others to see him. He may have some dominant tendencies when overpowering criminals but only due to the fact that these criminals are going against “the rules”.

Superman tends to have a debauchery based attitude when under the influence of red kryptonite. He would likely show more kinkster-like behaviors and would likely have a bit more dominant tendencies. In small amounts, Superman may not be against “kryptonite play” seeing as he can not feel pain unless weakened. He would not likely carry a toy bag unless it contained things that Lois enjoys.

Superman does not appear to enjoy delivering pain and therefore is not a Sadist. He tries to avoid fights in order to prevent hurting others. He would be an unexpected Masochist. Since he can not feel pain, he has very little experience with it. However, since he has an incredible urge to be human and accepted as human, he may not be against delving into the aforementioned “kryptonite play” in order to experience the reality of what it means to be a human with the capability of pain.

Lois Lane

supermanlois1“You and I… could belong to each other. If you need a friend… I’m the one to fly to. If you need to be loved… here I am.”

Lois Lane is not a superhero. She has an important role in Metropolis and the life of Superman. She is a news journalist for the Daily Planet.

Has little fear in regards to her personal safety if a good story is brewing in a volatile situation. Is very confident, disregards advice/orders, and does what she wants.

Was saved by Superman as she fell out of a helicopter. She was given the first real interview with Superman.

Falls for Superman almost instantly. Is secretly adored by Clark Kent/Superman. She does not know that they are one and the same.

BDSM Analysis:

Lois Lane is a force of her own. She goes after any story that is compelling regardless of any element of danger. She does not take advice well. She will make her own decisions and come to her own conclusions. Clark offers advice regularly to her and she ignores it. She is rendered speechless around Superman often. She tends to obey him in his advice…at least temporarily. She and Superman do become intimate in the second Donner film where he becomes human for her. While Lois does swoon in Superman’s presence, ultimately she does as she pleases and Superman is willing to serve her and her needs.

Lois is a primarily a Dominant woman but would likely Switch with Superman from time to time. She is snarky and confident. She has no problem engaging in a fight if it is necessary. She will always speak her mind…sometimes without tact. She is very forward and heavily flirts with Superman. She does not worry about how her actions may be received. She goes after what she wants.

Lois’ toy bag would likely carry various forms of kryptonite for hardplay with Superman. She does run a danger when it comes to red kryptonite due to the fact that Superman’s attitude completely  changes to a debauchery state. He is not weakened by this stone so his powers would still be strong. Green kryptonite could be used to weaken Superman to allow him to feel pain. Pink kryptonite gives Superman homosexual tendencies. Other forms of kryptonite have different affects on Superman and could be used in various BDSM and sexual scenes. Lois could experiment with him carefully using each on or a combination in different ways.

Lois has not shown any enjoyment out of hurting others therefore she is not a Sadist. She also does not seem to enjoy pain and therefore not a Masochist. She has empathy for others and therefore would not be a Sadistic Dominant.

Lex Luthor:

lexluthor

“Gods are selfish beings who fly around in little red capes and don’t share their power with mankind.”

Head of Luthor Industries.

Builds weapons under contract. Also utilizes his resources to further understand the limitations of Superman.

Criminal genius. Very wealthy. Seems to have unlimited resources.

Very greedy. Hungers for power and control. Gives orders and does not take orders.

Capable of torture and mass genocide for his own purposes.

Despises Superman and has made it an life goal to destroy him.

Has a tremendous ego near to a god complex.

*Important side note: Canon varies with each Lex Luthor. Various ones have been introduced over the years.  However, the personality and nature remains the same.

BDSM Analysis:

Lex Luthor is a dominant male. He owns his own corporation and engineers weapons in order to hurt Superman. He craves power and does not take orders from anyone. He will not submit under any circumstances. He is arrogant and carries an immense amount of confidence that prevents him from submission. No one is more worthy than he. He will not yield. His obsession with Superman is not likely sexual. Luthor wants his power. It is power over others that he craves. This is his driving force.

Some story lines have him involved with Lois Lane. Whether he actually loves Lois in this story lines could be debatable. His obsession with Superman seems to be all encompassing. His relationship with Lois would likely be to seek to destroy Superman. She would be a prize to be won. She would be something he could take from the “Man of Steel”. It is unknown if Luthor is actually capable of love…

Lex Luthor has seemingly unlimited resources. He would likely have a toy bag engineered exclusively to his own tastes. He enjoys delivering pain and has no concern over the affect of his pain on others. He would likely have instruments that would deliver an extreme amount of pain and heavy restraint. He would require total submission but clearly appreciates a good fight. He would want to strip his sub/bottom of any fight. The stronger the bottom/sub, the more joy he would get from removing their power.

Luthor is a full sadist. He does not seem to enjoy pain and would likely avoid it. Experiencing pain can resemble weakness. Luthor will not allow himself to be presented as weak. However, he will unleash pain as he sees fit…and he will enjoy it.

Notes:

General Zod and many of the other Superman villains exhibit sadistic and dominant behaviors similar to that of Lex Luthor. I could go into detail of each character and will likely do that in another post. Many of the villains cross over to other DC universes. I focused on the main villain of Lex Luthor and Superman’s dynamic with Lois Lane due to the importance of these individual relationships.

I plan to have a post exclusively for the women of DC…women are heavily represented in the DC universe and deserve their own post…

Also…Jimmy Olson? Total sub…think we all know that. 😉

Thanks For Reading,

Melliscious xx

Next Post? Likely XMEN or Gotham City…hmmm

Boy 3 and His Wife…An Update…

This morning I woke and checked one of my online sites to find a message from Boy 3’s wife. She had made a dummy account on this site for the sole purpose of looking at my pictures, reading my activity, reading my blogs, and messaging me.

This week Boy 3 broke off his relationship with me. He apparently had broken rules with his wife in regards to their poly relationship. My previous post discusses the rise and fall of the relationship involving him.

A few things to consider:

1. I have never met his wife nor have I ever spoken with her (until it ended). I asked once and she refused.

2. I only knew what Boy 3 told me.

3. I have no control over the poly rules of his relationship with his wife…I have never considered it to be my responsibility to make certain that he follows them.

4. I am sad for the both of them.

The message I received was incredibly long to the point that I had to take breaks from reading it. There were no paragraphs. It was a long, solid group of sentences all relaying the history of their relationship and what she felt in regards to me.

Here is what I have learned from her message…

She starts by saying they have been together for 8 years. Apparently Boy 3 cheated on her prior to them getting married and she did not find out until after the wedding. They separated then got back together. She suggested polyamory as a way to prevent lying and to stay together.

* Polyamory does not fix trust issues…

They start seeing other people. He finds someone he sees regularly…She finds someone as well…then he finds me on a dating site…

He tells her he is interested in seeing me as a “poly friend”…That is how our relationship was approached. He had said he felt he was too young for me…

Come to find out we had chemistry on our first date and enjoyed each other’s company. He told his wife he wanted to pursue things with me. She had a problem with this because she thought we were only going to be “friends”. She thought he had lied about his intentions with me.

She also had a problem with him seeing more than one person. He told me he was seeing someone else on occasion. I didn’t have a problem with it and felt it was none of my business…it was none of my business. Regardless, he broke it off with the other girl.

His wife was not comfortable with him seeing me (even after the first date) and told him he was not allowed to have sex with me until she was comfortable with him seeing me. We had unplanned sex on the second date. He was out late and missed a call from her. He went home and she told him that she wanted him to break it off with me immediately due to him missing the call and unplanned sex. He became upset and she said she would allow him to see me because he had started to care for me.

I asked if I could speak with her to help alleviate concerns or clarify things. He went to her with this and she said no. She said that she did not want to meet me or speak with me. I mentioned to him that I wish she would speak with me. He did not ask her again because she seemed so adamant not to discuss anything with me. She said in her message, had she known I really wanted to speak with her, she would have. I really wanted to speak with her, but why would I press the issue? I was not going to make his wife talk to me and I did not want to make waves or cause drama.

He and I had communicated daily…and continued to progress.

While on another date, he missed another phone call of hers. We were in a loud bar and it was hard to hear. Given that was an issue last time, I became concerned. He immediately called her back when he noticed the missed call and we ended our date. That evening she again mentioned that she wanted him to break it off with me. The whole thing was accidental. He never intentionally missed her calls…ever. She said this was 3 strikes and she wanted the relationship with me to end.

Again…I have never met this woman. And she would not speak with me.

She found out that I knew of her insecurities in regards to me. I never asked Boy 3 to tell me of his relationship woes. I also said that it was none of my business what was going on between him and his wife. However, it seemed she was constantly trying to thwart us from seeing one another and some of this gave me some insight as to the situation. This was another rule that was broken.

Boy 3 had told me about his wife wanting him to see another girl that she had been talking with on a polyamory board. She was in a triad and Boy 3’s wife was going to start seeing the husband. She confirmed this in her message saying that she was trying to get him to see her. He was not interested in her. She wanted him to be interested in her because she had developed a friendship with this new girl. Boy 3 was happy with me and did not want to add on more partners. It seemed she was trying to control who he was allowed to see. It was like she was arranging his relationships based on who was approved.

Boy 3 has told me once or twice that he loves me. I had not yet reached that level of care as of yet and had been a bit guarded due to my instincts kicking in…I did, however, care for him quite a bit. I know he was quite happy with me. He had not told his wife that he started to love me. This was another rule he had broken.

In her message, she goes on to tell me about a lie he told me in regards to a “fight” they had in seeing me when her brother was in town. I have no idea what to believe when it comes to either of these people.

She goes on to tell me that she decided to read my text messages to him in his phone and that is how she found out that we were involved in BDSM play. This was another rule that was broken. He was not allowed to play publicly or privately in BDSM with anyone but his wife.

Apparently there was a very long list of rules that she goes into detail over and he had broken quite a few of them with me.

* I am ethical. Had she spoken with me when I asked..I would have learned about the rules…I at least would have followed them…hence he would have as well.

Seeing as he could not follow any rules, she told him strongly that she wanted him to end things with me…but she would not force him. However, she pressed the issue that she wanted him to end things with me…hence forcing him to make that decision. They are deciding to be monogamous and seek counseling. She is now pregnant with their first child. Their marriage is very much in danger at this point…I feel sad for them.

Boy 3 deleted his social media profiles, unfriended me on various sites…His wife told me he did this because she wanted to eliminate the temptation of seeing me again. He knows where I live. He has my phone number. He knows where I work. If he wanted to see me, he would find a way. Deleting profiles on the internet does not change that.

My final analysis:

Boy 3’s wife has been against my relationship with Boy 3 from the start. I do not condone his lying to either me or her, however, I can see where the lies came from…Every time he messed up and confessed his mistakes, she became angry and wanted him to end it with me. She mentioned that she needed open communication. When he was open and took responsibility for things, she would express anger and contempt for his relationship with me. He began to hide things from her because he wanted to progress with me. He seemed afraid to be honest with her when he did make a mistake for fear of losing me. In the end he lost me anyway due to his lying to her.

She is desperate to fix her marriage. She is trying to control the entire situation. She is desperate to hold onto a man who seems to love her but can not adhere to rules of monogamy or the long list of rules dictated for their poly relationship. Poly relationships need to have both people willing to adhere to rules that THEY BOTH can live with…not just one person. The rules can change as people, dynamics and relationships change. Poly people need TRULY OPEN communication without punishment for honesty. People are going to make mistakes, but making ultimatums does not solve any issues when a mistake is made. The root of why the mistake happened needs to be examined. Punishment for mistakes as in a “3 strikes” scenario is counterproductive for many. Sometimes these strikes are accidental. And when feelings are involved, people are going to try to protect what/who they care for…including their own heart…this can lead to things being hidden.

I do not agree with the way Boy 3 handled this situation. He lied not just to me but to his wife. I do not trust him. I do not trust his wife…I have not met her (by her request), spoke to her once (when he broke it off with me), received an incredibly long message from her (on a dummy profile she made to check my activity and pics), and she has made it plain she did not want him to see me from the start.

I am not comfortable with any of this. I care for Boy 3. I do, very deeply. I will not be involved with him again so long as he is in this situation. Even then, I’d be exceedingly cautious and he would have a lot to answer for…it would not likely happen.

I hope they work out their issues…I wish the best for them both…

One final note…

Polyamory does not fix relationship problems. If there is no trust, polyamory does not work. Polyamory will add many dynamics to all of your relationships. If you can’t handle your monogamous one, being poly will only add to your issues.

Thank You For Reading,

Melliscious xx

 

Addendum: She “allowed” him to continue to see me even when said rules were broken due to his affection for me. Relationships are different for each couple…however…if there are rules in place…they need to be adhered to or changed…The situation needs to be re evaluated where someone is “allowed” to see another after rules are broken…re evaluate and re negotiate according to the different dynamics you have with different people or truly cut it off and know your hard limits…