I am finding that there are all sorts of people who will contact me interested in establishing a “poly” relationship. I am very cautious with any message I receive on any given dating site. Many men that send me messages think that “poly” means I am indiscriminate and will sleep with anyone. This is NOT the case. I do not have a large amount of sexual partners. I am not really into “one night stands” unless the mood is right and things go in that direction. I am capable of casual sex with certain friends without the demands of a poly relationship. However, even the casual relationships that I have with friends…they are WITH FRIENDS…With the key word being FRIENDS. In these cases, I’ve established a rapport and understanding with them.
Many of the messages I receive on these sites are from married men. I have come across many men who are inclined to cheat on their spouses. I am ethical in my polyamory. I will not be an instrument to an end of a marriage. If I think a man is a cheater, or if he outright says so, it is a deal breaker. I avoid drama in my life and do not want to cause anyone grief.
I was approached on a dating site by a man who said he was in a poly marriage. We chatted a bit seemed to have good conversation. We had common interests and communicated well. I was still a bit leery of this man in regards to the fact that his wife did not seek relationships outside of the marriage. In the cases that I am familiar, both spouses have some play outside of their own relationship. We continue to talk. He says he is unavailable in the evening, for whatever reason (a bit of a red flag to me), so we agree to have lunch during his work day (I was off work).
He works an hour away from me…
I drive out towards his work where he asks me to meet him at a chicken fast food restaurant. I arrive and he is not there. He texts me saying he is running behind and he shows up 15 minutes later.
I was amazed by his appearance. If M.C. Hammer and Vanilla Ice had a mutant baby…it would be this guy. He wore pinstriped “Hammer Pants“, a tattoo style button up shirt, white suede wing tip shoes, and a bluetooth lodged in his ear as an accessory. His bluetooth remained in his ear our entire lunch. This guy looked like a 90’s douchebag. I was trying my best not to judge him by his fashion sense alone…we walk to the fast food counter.
I order my lunch thinking he MIGHT buy since I drove out so far for his convenience. I wasn’t going to expect it, but where I live this would be considered an unspoken courtesy due to high gas prices. I order a salad and an ice water for a grand total of $7. He places his order then the total is given. He gives me a look. I look at the cashier and politely ask her to divide the bill. He says that he will get it next time. I smile and say nothing.
We walk to one of the booths and sit down. It is very difficult for me to take him seriously given his “Ice Ice Baby” appearance but sit an wait for him to speak. He opens his mouth and things only get worse…He is clearly a heavy right winger…
I had chatted with him once online and said JESUS CHRIST in an exclamation via text, and he corrected me. THAT should have been a red flag then…
He tells me he is working to become a deacon in his church and goes to Bible study every Wednesday night. I found it odd that he was so religious and found polyamory to be ok given his traditional sense of Christianity. I ask him about this and he flat out says that he just wants more women.
In regards to me, I am an atheist and have told him this. I mention that again and say that I do appreciate his right to religion and faith. He starts talking about the Bible and all of these references to women and sex.
He continues with his Bible talk, looks at me, and says, “Oh, I must be boring you. You probably don’t understand anything that I am talking about.”
I respond with, “No, not at all. I studied religions in college, have read 4 different versions of the Bible, the Dead Sea Scrolls, the Nag Hammadi, as well as other Gnostic texts. Have you read any of those? For example, the Gospel according to Mary Magdalene or the Apocryphon of Peter?”
He looks stunned and says, “I’ve only read the King James version…” We stop talking religion.
He then moves onto black people. He says he works with black people and that they all agree that black people are a problem with society. He says they all discuss that black people are a big issue with our city in regards to crime and drugs. He rationalizes that it is ok for him to discuss black people in this manner because his coworkers are black and they agree.I was FLOORED.
People choose to behave the way that they do. It is not because of their skin color… So this guy is a racist…
He goes onto discuss welfare and how he wishes to resolve the issues involved with it. He thinks anyone on welfare should earn their keep and be put into “work camps”. I mention that that sounds a bit “Nazi” and probably would not go over very well. He states that it would be OK if we just said we are “going green”.
I have nothing to say to this man at this point…
He then says that he thinks he should run for President and that I should be his running mate. I politely decline saying that I am not cut out for the job that he wants me to do. He reassures me that I’d be great.
The lunch comes to and end and not soon enough. I walk out to my vehicle and he follows. He tells me he had a lovely time and that he’ll come out closer to me next time we go out.
I awkwardly say, “Oh…yeah…I’ll be seeing you…”
He responds with, “You better!”
He tries to kiss me and I dodge his lips. I am utterly disgusted by this man and cut off all communication.
After 3 months of radio silence. He starts texting me again. I ignore. He then sends me messages on the dating site he initially contacted me. I ignore. After a week of texts, I politely say, “I’m not interested in pursuing anything further with you. Good luck on your search. Have a good day.”
He messages me again on the dating site asking why I am not interested. I thought it best not to respond although a twitter friend said that I should tell him, “Because I call you Nazi Jesus Boy”.
The world is full of diversity. I encounter a myriad of individuals trying their best to find companions in this life…Perhaps there is someone out their for our Nazi esque, racist, uber Jesus, Vanilla Ice wannabe. That someone was clearly not me.
Thank You for Reading,