Vanilla Nazi Jesus Boy…

I am finding that there are all sorts of people who will contact me interested in establishing a “poly” relationship. I am very cautious with any message I receive on any given dating site. Many men that send me messages think that “poly” means I am indiscriminate and will sleep with anyone. This is NOT the case. I do not have a large amount of sexual partners. I am not really into “one night stands” unless the mood is right and things go in that direction. I am capable of casual sex with certain friends without the demands of a poly relationship. However, even the casual relationships that I have with friends…they are WITH FRIENDS…With the key word being FRIENDS. In these cases, I’ve established a rapport and understanding with them.

Many of the messages I receive on these sites are from married men. I have come across many men who are inclined to cheat on their spouses. I am ethical in my polyamory. I will not be an instrument to an end of a marriage. If I think a man is a cheater, or if he outright says so, it is a deal breaker. I avoid drama in my life and do not want to cause anyone grief.

I was approached on a dating site by a man who said he was in a poly marriage. We chatted a bit seemed to have good conversation. We had common interests and communicated well. I was still a bit leery of this man in regards to the fact that his wife did not seek relationships outside of the marriage. In the cases that I am familiar, both spouses have some play outside of their own relationship. We continue to talk. He says he is unavailable in the evening, for whatever reason (a bit of a red flag to me), so we agree to have lunch during his work day (I was off work).

He works an hour away from me…

I drive out towards his work where he asks me to meet him at a chicken fast food restaurant. I arrive and he is not there. He texts me saying he is running behind and he shows up 15 minutes later.

I was amazed by his appearance. If M.C. Hammer and Vanilla Ice had a mutant baby…it would be this guy. He wore pinstriped “Hammer Pants“, a tattoo style button up shirt, white suede wing tip shoes, and a bluetooth lodged in his ear as an accessory. His bluetooth remained in his ear our entire lunch. This guy looked like a 90’s douchebag. I was trying my best not to judge him by his fashion sense alone…we walk to the fast food counter.

I order my lunch thinking he MIGHT buy since I drove out so far for his convenience. I wasn’t going to expect it, but where I live this would be considered an unspoken courtesy due to high gas prices. I order a salad and an ice water for a grand total of $7. He places his order then the total is given. He gives me a look. I look at the cashier and politely ask her to divide the bill. He says that he will get it next time. I smile and say nothing.

We walk to one of the booths and sit down. It is very difficult for me to take him seriously given his “Ice Ice Baby” appearance but sit an wait for him to speak. He opens his mouth and things only get worse…He is clearly a heavy right winger…

I had chatted with him once online and said JESUS CHRIST in an exclamation via text, and he corrected me. THAT should have been a red flag then…

He tells me he is working to become a deacon in his church and goes to Bible study every Wednesday night. I found it odd that he was so religious and found polyamory to be ok given his traditional sense of Christianity. I ask him about this and he flat out says that he just wants more women.

In regards to me, I am an atheist and have told him this. I mention that again and say that I do appreciate his right to religion and faith. He starts talking about the Bible and all of these references to women and sex.

He continues with his Bible talk, looks at me, and says, “Oh, I must be boring you. You probably don’t understand anything that I am talking about.”

I respond with, “No, not at all. I studied religions in college, have  read 4 different versions of the Bible, the Dead Sea Scrolls, the Nag Hammadi, as well as other Gnostic texts. Have you read any of those? For example, the Gospel according to Mary Magdalene or the Apocryphon of Peter?”

He looks stunned and says, “I’ve only read the King James version…” We stop talking religion.

He then moves onto black people. He says he works with black people and that they all agree that black people are a problem with society. He says they all discuss that black people are a big issue with our city in regards to crime and drugs. He rationalizes that it is ok for him to discuss black people in this manner because his coworkers are black and they agree.I was FLOORED.

People choose to behave the way that they do. It is not because of their skin color… So this guy is a racist…

He goes onto discuss welfare and how he wishes to resolve the issues involved with it. He thinks anyone on welfare should earn their keep and be put into “work camps”. I mention that that sounds a bit “Nazi” and probably would not go over very well. He states that it would be OK if we just said we are “going green”.

I have nothing to say to this man at this point…

He then says that he thinks he should run for President and that I should be his running mate. I politely decline saying that I am not cut out for the job that he wants me to do. He reassures me that I’d be great.

The lunch comes to and end and not soon enough. I walk out to my vehicle and he follows. He tells me he had a lovely time and that he’ll come out closer to me next time we go out.

I awkwardly say, “Oh…yeah…I’ll be seeing you…”

He responds with, “You better!”

He tries to kiss me and I dodge his lips. I am utterly disgusted by this man and cut off all communication.

After 3 months of radio silence. He starts texting me again. I ignore. He then sends me messages on the dating site he initially contacted me. I ignore. After a week of texts, I politely say, “I’m not interested in pursuing anything further with you. Good luck on your search. Have a good day.”

He messages me again on the dating site asking why I am not interested. I thought it best not to respond although a twitter friend said that I should tell him, “Because I call you Nazi Jesus Boy”.

The world is full of diversity. I encounter a myriad of individuals trying their best to find companions in this life…Perhaps there is someone out their for our Nazi esque, racist, uber Jesus, Vanilla Ice wannabe. That someone was clearly not me.

Thank You for Reading,

Melliscious xx

The Nutty French Professor…A Night chock full of CRAZY

In my journey of polyamory, I have encountered interesting people. One of the oddest dates I have ever been on involved a French professor. We briefly met once for a drink. He called me a few weeks later and asked me to meet him a a local bar. We had a lovely chat the last time so I agreed.

Our next date:

We met at the bar. I had a rum and coke and he had a beer. We chatted for a bit. He mentioned going back to his place to watch a movie and chat because the atmosphere there was loud. I gave him a concerned look. His response? “Don’t worry, I am not going to try to sleep with you.” I tell him that I am required to text my husband the address that I am at whenever I go out for safety purposes. He complies and gives me his information. I follow him in my car and we go back to his place…

He offers to make me a coffee.He brings the French press to the living room and makes it for me there. I sit on the couch. He pops in a movie called CHOKE then has a seat next to me. We barely say anything during the film. He does, however, develop a fascination for the curls in my hair. He slowly starts to pick apart the curls essentially frizzing my hair. He then takes his wolf like nails, scratches my leg and says, “I’m trying to see if I leave any marks on you.”

Bear in mind, we have barely spoken. He is taking odd liberties. After the film is done (film was about a sex addict), he says he needs to go outside for a smoke and asks if I’d like to join him. I agree due to the fact I am oddly curious as to what this odd man might do next…

We go on his balcony (it’s screened in so no fear of being pushed off the edge.). He takes his fingers and starts poking my ribs. I give him an odd look while thinking, “WOW! you are WEIRD aren’t you?” He asks me to turn around and proceeds poking me again. He says that he is trying to see if I am ticklish. He then takes my face into his hands and gives me a rather creepy grin. He frizzes my hair some more. Tis a bit unnerving…We go back inside…

At this point I am hoping that he doesn’t wield a butcher knife and think DINNERTIME! I really didn’t think I was in total danger for he knew that my husband knew where I was…

We sit on the couch and he goes back to destroying my hairstyle and scratching my legs. He looks at me and says that he would like to show me how he kisses but he has bad breath. I offer him a mint. He graciously accepts and I eat one as well.

He looks at me and says, “I guess I could have brushed my teeth since I am at home. It may have been faster than sucking this mint.”

I say, “Well, yes. You could also bite the mint.”

He says, “No it will ruin my teeth!” I give him an odd look… O.o

I tell him that I am going to read one of his French books while he waits for the mint to dissolve. Since I studied Spanish, I thought I might know a few French words..I was also starting to feel like I was in a perpetual Monty Python sketch so playing along with the weirdness became quite fun.

He finishes his mint and kisses me. He is not a bad kisser although his breath did smell of minty cigarettes, beer and coffee. I mention that there were no marks from his nails. He tells me that this is good to know. He says he would like to arrange a play date one night. I smile politely while I am yelling, “Oh HELL NO!” in my head.

He mentions that it is getting late. I agree and we walk to my car. He doesn’t kiss me goodnight or hug me. He says to be safe driving and tells me goodbye. He walks back to his apartment without turning around or waving…

The night does not stop here with the weirdness…

I drive home taking a route that leads me through an unsavory area. It was the fastest route home. I see a car had crashed into a light pole. I stop, get out and phone 911. I walk to the car to find a man slumped over the steering wheel. I ask him if he is ok and can walk. He gets out of the car and leans against the side. I see smoke rising from the car and instruct the man to go to the curb.

The man says, “My cigarettes and glasses are in my car. Will you get them?”

I say, “Sir, I am not going into a smoking car to get your glasses and your cigarettes are in your front pocket.” He pats his ass. I direct him to his shirt.

He says,”I’m not even gonna lie. I am drunk. Just know that I swerved to miss a person and crashed my car. Therefore I sacrificed to save someone’s life!” There was no one in sight.

A lady walks out of her home and tells me she wants to stand with me just for safety’s sake until the police arrive because the area was known for being high crime. I am grateful.

The man says again, “I am very drunk.”

Me, “Yes.”

Man says, “I fucked up my life tonight, didn’t I?”

Me, “Yes, yes you did.” The police arrive and tell me to head home. I make it home safely free from harm but with an unusual night of tales to tell. I have no idea what sort of play the Nutty French Professor wanted to do. I do know that it wouldn’t involve me. You meet all kinds in the kink world. He is one of the many odd ones I have encountered…

Lesson? Make sure someone knows where you are at all times when you are out..

Thanks for Reading,

Melliscious xx