I Can’t Sleep

I Can’t Sleep

I’m about to tell you things that are not fun to hear…but you need to understand I’m completely going off of our interactions.

I’m lying on the sofa…with quiet tears absolutely afraid this is a repeat of past behavior. I have a list of many things you’d said you would do…but you haven’t…and I can’t for once think of a time I’ve not done something for you that I said I would.

I am fully aware this week has been hard for you. I have listened everyday the weights you carry…I listen fully and completely everytime.

I will always be honest with you even if it hurts me to say or might upset you.

You pushed me aside before when you took back your ex with little to no thought put into it. I had no time to adjust. I was suddenly on the sidelines expected to sit there and watch you self destruct without argument. You told me you’d put me in a box of important things and get back to me because I am important. Your actions did not back up your words. I could not be put into a box and left there. I couldn’t just sit there silent because I care so much about you.

While I realize you’re likely not actively being manipulated…And your behavior has been different when you sought to strengthen things with me…You HAVE to understand this is starting to increasingly feel like history is repeating itself…and it’s worrying me.

You told me you needed 9 months to rebuild/get over your ex…and we would have that time to grow stronger. Suddenly, you’re serious with a girl after playing once. I’m once again expected to sit on the sidelines and endure whatever you wish…you tell me reassuring words as you did before…but few actions to back them up.

I am frightened and concerned that I’ve given so much of myself to you and it will be for naught… I’ll be wrecked again but far worse than before as I’ve trusted more of me with you.

I KNOW you say you want me with you. I KNOW you’ve worked hard to rebuild and strengthen with me (in recent past). I’m not trying to repeatedly punish you for what you’ve done before…When I say I need something from you, that’s your moment to show me in this time of adjustment that you mean what you say…if I don’t see you act, I’m going to default back to thinking what once was…words alone are not going to do it.

Today, you gave time to her…combed through her TL…and all but ignored me giving me a goodnight without a kiss. I told you in audio yesterday this is a blow to me seemingly hiding me and not engaging with me. I meant it. X

With all that said…
This is an easy fix. Do what you said you would do..and please don’t get upset with me when I call you on it.

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