In the BDSM scene, you encounter all types of people. One thing that I have learned is that there are some men who pretend to be a Dominant (a person giving the bondage and paddling) in order to lure submissive women into their bedrooms. I was a bit new to this scene for I had only played with my partners…not openly with others until a year or so ago…These men say they are experienced but do not actually practice any aspect of BDSM other than cuffing you to a bed and having sex.
I was approached on 2 different dating sites by a man I call H. He messaged me on an adult based site and also on a BDSM site. He said he had been on the scene for a long time.He discussed what he learned from his experience and I felt he sounded legit. We agreed to meet for coffee. He was charming and seemed pleased with me. I found him intriguing. We had lovely conversation and make plans to meet again.
We go out on another date for an evening. He takes me to a nice restaurant and later a dance club. He is doting, very gentlemanly, and ever concerned with whether or not I am having a good time. He is clearly intelligent. My naivety at the time did not see him for what he was. He read me like a book. He knew everything that he needed to say to get me hooked. He was an expert at his trade. He would look at me and tell me what I was thinking and say that it looks like I had made a decision about him… He had experience with other girls that were new to the public scene… and I fell for it… all of it. I was intrigued by him and his ability to relay my thoughts. We started dating regularly…
The first night we had sex, I had met him at a bar. He had been careful to not push me into sex right away. He stimulated my intellect knowing that I am an intellectual. We finally go back to his place. He gives me the tour of his home. It is a large home and he is well off. It is clear that he has money. He directs me to his bedroom and starts to give instructions. He wants me nude on his bed on all fours. He tells me where to lie, what position I am to be in, and what specifically I am to do. I find this exciting. We have sex and he discusses how attractive I am and how much he loves my body. We reach the end and he does something that is a hard limit for me. (It is a deeply personal thing for me so I will not disclose what he does.) I told him that this is something of which that I am not comfortable. He seemed surprised by this and was very apologetic. He said he wouldn’t do this again.
We continue to go on dates. I am leery of sleeping with him again. I start to talk about the local BDSM club that I attend. He knew of the local club. I had never seen him there. He said he was very private in his play and only played at home. The local club has phenomenal equipment and the people there are very welcoming. I found it odd that he didn’t go. I asked him when would we start playing. he said that he didn’t want to rush things. We were already having sex at this point. I did not understand why he didn’t want to start the BDSM aspect we had discussed.Red flags were starting to pop up. We went out a few more times and only had sex 2 more times.
The last time we had sex, he tried to pressure me into allowing him to perform my hard limit saying that he already did it once and that it’d be ok for him to do it again. He pushed me to do it and did it again. This was unforgivable for me. This was a limit that was not negotiable. He broke my trust and clearly did not respect my wishes and limits.
I stopped seeing him. My hard limit…It is a RARE time when I perform it with someone. I have to trust them implicitly and it is not something that I particularly enjoy. It is a gift that I give on my terms. He would not honor that. Submissives allow you to do things to them. You do not take what is not allowed. So, he lost me…for good. I cut off all communication with this man.
I did a bit more research on him. I found out he does prey on submissive girls. A few in the scene told me why he does not come to the local club and it is because his type of behavior is not welcome there. I adore the people at my local club. They look out for one another and have an extensive amount of experience. They work to provide a protected environment for the people who attend. I respect everyone at that club. They think the world of me and I them.
Protect yourselves! If a man is unwillingly to play at a local BDSM club in a safe environment, that is a red flag. The club I attend requires a screening to ensure there are no ill intent people admitted. The location is kept secret. The club has active monitors to ensure safety. This man had problems with this club. This is a red flag. If someone on a BDSM site contacts me for play, I now require that they meet me there…around the people I trust…in this secure place. THAT is now a hard limit. If they are unwilling to meet me there for play, we do not play…we do not meet…ever. I will not be preyed upon again.
Be careful out there…
Thank You for Reading,