Superheroes, Villains and Their Kink Roles Part 1: The Avengers


All of these terms relate to many in the BDSM community. The community is considered to be “underground”…a group of deviants that stray from society’s norms. Many in the community hide their identities due to society’s tendency to not welcome sexual practices that stray outside of the standard or “vanilla” realms. Exactly how unusual are the members of the community, really? Let’s consider the unspoken roles that we see in everyday media that many seem to overlook…

Superheroes and their Villains…

Superheroes and Villains have their own dynamics that parallel that within the BDSM community. Their trades, powers, and tools are commonly seen amongst kinksters alike. They exhibit Dominant and Submissive behaviors that reflect many of the commonly seen dynamics within a BDSM community. They too hide their identities due to some in society who would not necessarily be so welcoming to them stepping outside of the standard ways of life.

This series of blog posts will reflect a categorical representation of superheroes and villains in their hypothetical BDSM roles according to their representation in comic books and films…

The first string of superheroes and villains will be…


The Avengers

First to the “Hot Seat”… Iron Man

tonystark “Genius. Billionaire. Playboy. Philanthropist.”

 Has the ability to engineer tech that eliminates the need for military.Privatized war. Former weapons engineer and manufacturer.

 Extreme narcissist. Unlike other super heroes, he does not hide his identity but lives as Iron Man and Tony Stark as one entity. “The suit and I are one….I am ‘Iron Man’.”

 Was not born with super powers but utilizes his genius to make tech that overpowers foes.

Playboy. Only settled down for Pepper Potts.

Has a heart condition from permanently lodged shrapnel that is controlled by a magnetic based device with an adamantine core…

BDSM Analysis:

Tony Stark shows a highly Dominate nature and is certainly a person who lives life on the edge. He takes orders from no one and is highly clever. Given his playboy tendencies it is most certain that Stark can charm his way into any sexual relationship. While he may not live life in a Dominant/Submissive relationship, he likes to maintain that he is the one in charge. It is apparent that he does yield to Ms. Potts from time to time which shows a tendency to “switch” and be a bit “submissive-like” only when dealing with Ms. Potts. Only she can order him…to a minimal degree. He will do what he wants as it suits him. In this case, Stark might “top from the bottom” as they say to get what he wants. Ms. Potts will ultimately yield to him. Stark is not a switch. He will never truly submit to anyone.

Stark is a a Kinkster with heavy Dominate tendencies. He is arrogant, egotistical, argumentative, is never wrong, and will always get his way. He would likely get involved in any form of multiple partner sexual encounter just for the opportunity to brag.

In regards to his “toy bag”, his ability to engineer technology gives him the opportunity to make one of a kind toys that could deliver an immeasurable amount of pleasure and pain.His ability to learn about the human body in addition to his already impressive knowledge base of technology and seemingly unlimited resources, Stark could tailor make toys that target specific areas of the body to enhance pleasure. The technology involved in his toy bag are only limited to his imagination and ability…which, quite frankly, seems limitless.

Stark is not a Sadist. He may like a good fight but has not shown any tendency to enjoy causing pain. He likes taking out a foe, but does not revel in causing pain. His weapons quickly dispatch to cause immediate termination. He may, however, be a bit of a Masochist. Being a normal human with no extraordinary powers that cause him to heal, Stark goes in full force to a fight and can take a heavy beating. His ability to overcome the pain feeds his ego of being a human superhero. He takes an epic amount of pain and overcomes it. This categorizes him to a degree as a masochist. He takes the pain only to revel in the victory of overcoming it and defeating his foes.

Next up…Steve Rogers

steverogers“…just a kid from Brooklyn.”

Was once a sickly, small man who wanted to serve his country in the World Wars of the mid 1900’s. Joined a “Super Soldier” program that gave him super powers involving incredible strength, an ability to heal, and supposed immortality.

Very traditional in the sense of relationships. Shows extreme loyalty to friends, fellow soldiers, and his country.

Is a soldier to the core who takes orders in order to complete his mission. He exhibits signs of personal sacrifice where the welfare of others is at stake.

Works well with others in a group effort leading other soldiers to the final end game. Will only argue when decisions regarding the safety of others is in question or if the mission is potentially compromised.

BDSM Analysis:

Steve Rogers is very humble. He has an immense amount of power but always defaults to a humble state of being. This is expected behavior for him given his mild past of being a small, sickly man. He has a strong heart that shows extreme loyalty to those in his life. He is very much a soldier in that he takes orders. He will lead a group of soldiers through the terms of the mission but it will only be through the terms of the mission. His decisions he makes in battle are for the benefit of others and the mission…never for himself.

Given all of these qualities, Steve Rogers is a Submissive. He lives only for the service of others. His very job requires him to submit to the orders of the mission. Steve has no quarrel with the terms of this arrangement. He willingly gave himself to an experimental project that would require him to be in service to the military indefinitely. He longs to serve others and his country. The essence of a submissive is to long to be in service to another. He gains satisfaction from his service in knowing he has pleased his superiors, fellow soldiers, and the people he protects.

Rogers is not likely to have a toy bag given that he is a submissive type and does not require much thought in generating scenes. He would likely be monogamous given his traditional sensibilities. It would be very unlikely of him to engage in a multiple partner sexual situation. No Dominant tendencies are expected from Rogers. He is expected to do as he is told and will default to that position. His very images are always showing signs of a submissive…head down…much like the pic shown above.

Rogers is not a Sadist. He would more likely be a Masochist. He is capable of handling an intense amount of pain. The process of becoming a “Super Soldier” nearly killed him. The pain is intense. Pain is a part of his mission and he gains satisfaction from completing his orders. He overcomes the pain and continues on…If receiving pain is a part of his mission/arrangement, he will willingly submit to the terms…and be all the happier for it.

Our next Avenger…Bruce Banner and The Hulk

hulk“That’s my secret…I’m always angry.”

Dr. Bruce Banner is a genius in radiation technology. He studied gamma rays and inadvertently caused himself to become the green monster known as “The Hulk”.

The Hulk is nearly all encompassing when he presents himself. Hulk is a destructive force that tears into anything and anyone. Banner has little control over him but learns to handle the rage over time.

Dr. Banner is quite mild mannered and eager to help others. He maintains his calm in order to keep the green monster at bay. He shows conviction in the use of his talents to ensure that the safety of others is preserved.

He is likely immortal and feels no pain when he is in Hulk mode. He has incredible strength and is capable to tremendous amounts of destruction.

BDSM Analysis:

This analysis requires a look at both aspects of this Avenger…the Hulk and Dr. Bruce Banner. Each personality is an extreme. Dr. Bruce Banner is an intellectual that is very mild mannered. He works to please others. He lives in 3rd world countries helping the sick with what knowledge that he has. The Hulk is a rage monster that only lives to SMASH and destroy things and people. Bruce finds satisfaction in helping others while Hulk finds satisfaction in feeding his need to SMASH. The Hulk exhibits a very Dominant personality that does not take orders from anyone and does as he pleases. Dr. Bruce Banner is more humble and happily submits to the needs of others giving a more Submissive personality.

The Hulk coupled with Dr. Bruce Banner gives the true embodiment of a Switch. When he is in service to others, he gives all of himself in said service. When he is in full Hulk mode, he is a true Dominant doing as he pleases and expects others to submit to him. Banner is likely to be a Masochist due to his inherent guilt of hurting others. He would very much take any kind of pain to pay for the sins of The Hulk. This feeds his submissive nature in yielding to the needs of others. The Hulk is a full Sadist that revels in pain and destruction of others. He smashes buildings, vehicles and people. He takes great pride in tearing into Loki by bashing him on the ground. Together they make a perfect Switch.

Banner in his human form is somewhat traditional in regards to sexual encounters. There is no evidence that I have found that he would be anything other than monogamous. However, Banner can be impressionable. If he were to surround himself more with people such as Stark he might delve into more deviant desires but it would not likely last very long. Banner does not take much time to himself in regards to pleasure due to his guilt related to the destruction of the Hulk. He continues to endeavor to make amends for what he feels are crimes. He often denies himself worldly pleasures.

The Hulk would likely not involve himself in sexual encounters. I would bring up She Hulk here , but given that they are cousins, sexual encounter with her would be unlikely. The Hulk is a massive entity. It would take a stronger force to get him to submit to any kind of sexual encounter. Perhaps if Thor was homosexual or bisexual, he would likely have a shot at sex with The Hulk given his god like strength. Another point that would have to be considered is the issue of “consent”. Since Banner is not fully in control of the Hulk, he may not normally consent to a sexual encounter while he is a green monster. The ethics behind sex and the Hulk would need to be researched to determine the level of active consciousness that Banner has in regards to sexual matters and the Hulk.

The Norse god Thor…

thor“You dare threaten me, Thor! You’re so puny…”

Thor is the god of thunder according to Norse legends. He controls the power with his hammer. The hammer only yields to his commands. No one else can wield it (except for Steve Rogers because he is ‘true of heart’)

He is athletic, fit, capable of tremendous feats of strength. He has won many battles in protecting Asgard and Earth.

Thor is very arrogant. While he does have respect for Earth and humans, he sees them as small and puny. He has placed earth under his protection and the protection of Asgard.

Thor is a leader and does not follow orders. He will always do what he feels is right in the moment. He lends respect to the others in his party, but sees any orders as suggestions.

Thor is likely to be a playboy but ultimately has some affection for a human scientist, Jane Foster. He admires her intellect and pursuit for truth through science. To him magic and science are all one in the same.

BDSM Analysis:

Thor has an intense Dominant personality. He carries the arrogance, confidence, and strength that are exhibited in a dominant role. He does not take orders from anyone and will do as he sees fit. He broke a truce (against the will of his father Odin) with another world out of anger from them breaching the halls of his home. He will not fall into line if he feels strongly against the strategy in play. He expects others to follow his lead and follow him

Thor is a god and has worshipers. He is actively living the lifestyle of a dominant. Submission is not an option in his case. He would ONLY submit if it meant sparing a world…Earth. He is likely to be a playboy as he discusses “good drink and women” from time to time. He is definitely a Kinkster in this regard. He would likely be involved in multiple partner sexual encounters if it were with many women seeing as having the companionship of many women is a form of conquest. He does not actively display bisexual or homosexual tendencies. He seems capable of monogamy given that he does show affection for Dr. Foster. However, at heart, he is a god and would likely remain a playboy while in his youth…how ever many years that is.

As far as Sadism, Thor seems to enjoy a good fight. He can give epic blows to his foes and welcomes a solid challenge. He displays some pleasure in pounding into a foe whether with his hammer or fists. This would classify him as a Sadist. Although, he does show Masochistic tendencies with his appreciation of a good scar or return jab in a hand to hand combat situation. Since it is difficult to hurt Thor, when he is hurt, he appreciates the strength and is humbled by the blow. For this reason, he is being categorized as a Dominant with sadomasochistic tendencies…

The Villain…

loki“You were made to be ruled. In the end, you will always kneel.”

Loki is the Norse god of mischief. He is the adopted son of Odin.

He holds powers forged in magic from the Ice Giants. He concentrates those powers in his staff. His powers involve altering the mind state of others forcing them into submission to him. He also uses his powers to fool or trick others.

Loki despises and is incredibly jealous of his brother, Thor. Since he feels he will never hold power over Asgard, he seeks to rule elsewhere.

Loki is a brilliant strategist and is very intelligent. His cravings for power and control over others are an intense part of his personality. He is arrogant taking almost no commands, but will submit to others in order to ultimately reach his goals. He has a price, it is only a matter of negotiation for him.

BDSM Analysis:

Loki has intense Dominant personality traits. He is arrogant, craves power, wants to rule over others telling them to kneel. However, he also shows submissive characteristics as yielding to others who are much stronger than him. He takes orders from other stronger alien life forms. Here is the catch in all of this. Loki will negotiate terms of submission but only if he receives something in return. He negotiates the terms involved with the partial destruction of Earth where he submits to orders but in the end gets to rule what is left of the planet. He is willing to submit to others in order to get what he wants. It is not a true submission, so like Stark he would “top from the bottom”.

Loki is defeated and submits to his brother Thor. Thor does care for his brother but understands that he is dangerous. Loki will only submit temporarily as it means preservation of his life. He will find a moment to once again attempt to rule either Asgard or Earth. He is a Dominant personality that requires others to submit to him…but will bottom to others as it suits him.

Loki is a Sadist. He enjoys causing pain to others. He does not himself enjoy pain. He shows intense pleasure in inflicting pain and death on others to force people into submission to him. He revels in their fear.

Sexual encounters with Loki could run the gambit. His particular sexual preference is not clearly known so assumptions of exclusive heterosexuality should not be made. It would not be inappropriate to assume that he would indulge in multiple sexual encounters if it fed his cravings for control and power. He clearly longs to have people worship him. There is reason to assume he would want the same in a sexual sense. He is a Sadistic Dominant.


Hawkeye_promo“Yeah, I’m no genius…so I went and found one.”

Hawkeye is a soldier for Nick Fury’s SHIELD organization. He takes orders from Fury but is given a little bit of leeway due to his experience in battle.

Is an excellent archer that has specialized arrows that perform various tasks from administering poison, to shards, to the ability to manipulate data.

Is a team player that will follow direction. He is not actively a leader type and tends to be a lone warrior over a front line soldier. His archery skills require him to be at a bit of a distance for optimum effect.

He has no actual superpowers other than his incredibly aim and ability to hit impossible targets with his arrows.

BDSM Analysis:

Hawkeye shows no heavy Dominant personality. He follows orders. Since he is a soldier he tends to have more of a submissive mentality. He does not question authority. He follows and completes his missions. He has a good heart which is easily manipulated by Loki. Loki forces him into submission using his magic which can only work on people of pure and good hearts. Such magic did not work on Stark. This leads to the possibility that in order for Loki to force someone into submission, that tendency needs to already be present. Hawkeye when he is relinquished of Loki’s control shows disgust for being forced into submission. t should not be assumed that this is because he has Dominant tendencies. Any person, even submissives, never want to be forced into submission. They freely submit. However, it is very likely that Hawkeye could be a Switch…a Dominant to some and a submissive…possibly to Black Widow given they have a past in battle and her strong Dominant personality.

Hawkeye doesn’t really seem to be completely a Sadist unless it involves some kind of retribution or payback for something ill that has happened to him or others he cares for. He doesn’t seem to enjoy pain. He is not a hand to hand combat guy and never gets too heavily involved in direct battle. He is meant to distance himself from the action so pain for him is minimal. He is neither a Sadist nor a Masochist.

Hawkeye could very likely have a toy bag. If he did it would most likely contain stick/pointed related instruments. This would be due to his talent involving arrows. He would likely only implement pain if it pleased his partner. In regards to sexual preference it is not completely clear. There is some relationship dynamic and potential shared between him and Black Widow. It is difficult to determine the level of sexual play that he would be involved. Since he is a bit of a loner, it would not be completely accurate to assume he has the ability to settle down with one person. He seems to trust only a few so many relationships are unlikely.

Black Widow…

blackwidow“Love is for children…”

Trained to be a spy from childhood. Is highly acrobatic, a master of the martial arts, and proficient in many weapons including guns and knives. Is a master interrogator.

Has no superpowers other than her own human abilities.

Does not take orders from anyone unless she is receiving compensation in some form.

Realizes that she is attractive and uses it to gain information from others by drawing them in to her. Has a high level of confidence yet does not show arrogance.

Is capable of separating her feelings from her job in order to get what she wants. She will always get what she wants.

Is ethical to an extent. If she owes someone a debt, whether it be saving her life or monetary, she will make good.

Is capable of working in a group but ultimately works best alone…

BDSM Analysis:

Black Widow is a strong Dominant personality. She will never truly submit to anyone. She will present the guise of a weaker person only to draw in her targets and acquire the information, items, or technology that she needs. She seems to enjoy a good fight but would much rather use her intellect to avoid confrontation. She is capable of intense mental play in regards the people she draws in for her purposes. She can fool and trick those around her to believing what she wants them to believe in order to get what she wants.

As far as Sadism, she is highly capable of torture and sadistic measures to achieve her goals. Whether she enjoys such play is not certain. If such play were to suit her she would likely enjoy it. She does not show Masochistic tendencies. She avoids intense hand to hand combat situations. She is a spy and is trained in stealth to dispatch foes quickly and quietly. If she had a toy bag it would be filled with intense forms of instruments of torture due to her previous training. Only extremely masochistic bottoms or submissives would fit her personality.

As far as sexual preference, she is not clear. She is capable of drawing males and females to get what she wants from them. It would be safe to assume that she is likely bisexual due to experience alone…However, given she is so heavily involved in her job, he sexual identity may have been lost. Her true sexual preference may not be able to be determined due to her heavy conditioning in the art of deception. She is likely to have many sexual partners and have indulged in multiple person scenarios given the demands of her job and her capabilities. It is unlikely that she would ever be monogamous or settle down to one person. She has a true loner, spy mentality.

Nick Fury…

nickfury“…given that it’s a stupid-ass decision, I’ve elected to ignore it.”

Is the head of the SHIELD organization. It is meant to protect the planet from outside forces. It also holds the peace between nations.

Gives orders to everyone in the organization. Only answers to the council which he tends to ignore their decisions.

Is trained in had to hand combat and many forms of weaponry. Highly clever in the forms of strategy and espionage.

Is arrogant and highly confident. He takes orders from no one. He is loyal to the people close to him and expresses this loyalty regularly.

Has no inherent superpowers except for his own abilities.

Is capable of doing whatever it takes to meet his goals and protect the planet.

BDSM Analysis:

Nick Fury is an extreme Dominant personality. He gives orders to everyone in his operation. He will not yield or submit to anyone at any time. He maintains control of the organization regardless of the fact that he technically answers to “the council”. He looks out for the people that work for him whether they be soldiers or members of The Avengers. He in many ways takes care of them. He works to make scenarios where it encourages them to do what he wants whether they realize it or not. He is in every sense a Dominant that is in control.

Nick Fury does not seem to enjoy giving or receiving pain. He does enjoy defeating a foe through any means necessary. He is not above torture if it calls for that situation. It would not be like him to revel in torturing another person. He does have an affinity for the preservation of life. If he had a toy bag it would likely be with mild toys, possibly some bondage gear. He holds hostages and interrogates them. There would likely be some play involving spy scenarios.

Nick Fury is likely capable of many partners. He has been referenced has having children by different women and exhausted many women in a multiple person sexual situations. His time is limited, but in various series of comics, he does find time to play.

*As an aside…all of these hypothetical roles were determined according to the behaviors of these characters in comic books, film, and television. I consulted with others who are avid fans of these characters to double check the validity of their personalities. I welcome any other ideas that might influence these hypothetical roles one way or another…

Lil Miss S and the 2 Hour Scene…

I have been playing publicly for a little while now. At the club that I attend, I play openly in the dungeon. It is there that I am usually approached by various people asking if I would be willing to play with them (after they have watched me scene).

I was approached by a lovely girl who had watched me top a boy in the open dungeon.

If I have a strong person bottoming to me, I play hard. I leave marks. I bruise bottoms. Nothing permanent, mind you…unless it is requested. However, if you let me, I will push your limits. She watched me do such a scene. She wanted me to top her. So I did…

We met for dinner that evening prior to our play. She is a little slip of a girl. I call her S. We discussed limits. She was not comfortable being naked in public, which I respected, but was willing to test her limits. I was willing to push her limits. She, like me, is a switch. Our only difference is that she does not bottom to men. She prefers strong willed women topping her. I clearly respect this…

We get to the club…

We go into the changing area and changed into our clothing in front of one another. We admire each other discreetly in our nakedness. She dresses wearing a school girl outfit. I don a silver string bikini, fishnets, boots, and silver corset. We head out into the open dungeon for play…

I blindfold her with a silk scarf. I take off her shirt leaving her in her bra and short skirt. I then restrain her to a suspended metal bar with her arms separated in a “V” position.

One by one… I hang up my tools on the round, elevated table. They hang lightly swaying with the addition of each paddle, flogger, crop, and toy.

With one hand I grab my flogger. The other, I softly place on her back. I slowly brush her back and move my hand to the front of her body…My hand abruptly goes to her throat. She gasps. I then grab a hand full of hair and pull her head back and begin flogging her…She knows I am in control and I am warming her up. I transition between floggers flogging her back and her bottom.

I find her skirt to be a bit of a nuisance so I lift it up exposing her ass and begin paddling her. In between paddles I spank her.

Sometimes she cries out…I pause and slowly caress her back and her ass where the redness flushes…I kiss her softly. I nibble her neck. I fondle her breasts. I whisper in her ear, “You’re my good little girl aren’t you?” She licks her lips and nods.

I go back to my work. I cane her thighs with a thin, 4 foot stick… She hops like a little bunny squealing with each blow. I again grab her throat and kiss her trailing kisses down the front of her body…she moans…

A large number of people start to gather and watch our scene…

I transition between my toys giving stingy, thuddy, piercing, and prodding sensations. With each outcry I stop and caress her body with kisses and sometimes ice.

At one point I was using 2 hands to flog her. Putting in my full force. Sweat was pouring down both of our bodies. I had to remove my gloves…My hair was glistening with moisture…

Our scene had lasted an hour and a half at this point. I grab my vibrator and place it on her panties. With my other hand I paddle her. All this time I am whispering to her how she is such a good girl. I nibble her ear…I continue to paddle and up the speed of the vibrator moving it around slowly…

She moans, cries out and gasps…she says, “Oh god…I just came!”

I cool her off with ice. I paddle her a bit more. Flog her until she reaches her spacey state…then remove her restraints and take off the silk scarf blind fold…

She hugs me, kisses me and thanks me. I wrap her in a blanket, give her food, water, and cuddles.

The entire scene lasted about 2 hours…probably the longest scene I have ever performed…

I adored every minute of my time with her. We had a lovely moment together. Hopefully I will get to play with her again very soon…

Thank You For Reading,

Melliscious xx

“I’m a good girl. Please…”

I am going a bit off my usual misadventures of recent times to discuss an event in my life that is relevant to recent discussion involving victim blaming in sexual assault and acts of rape. The victims never are “asking for it” by wearing heels or suggestive clothing. My assault? I was wearing jean shorts, a tank top, and sneakers….Here is my story…

It was summertime…I was 19 and a virgin…

I worked at a shopping mall at a formal wear store. I enjoyed my job. I steadily became familiar with other people in the mall and the stores where they worked. There was a clothing store 2 doors down from me that sold stylish clothing of the current styles. Some were “night club” style clothes. I would frequent this store and buy nice work clothes there. From time to time I’d play around with trying on the sexier night club style outfits. A boy (appx. 21) worked there and would help me coordinate my wardrobe. Sometimes he would pick out a sexier dress and ask me to try it on to see if I liked it. I was 19, a virgin, shy and quite naive. However, I knew what he was doing. I would smile and decline a bit flattered at his attention. I would then leave the store…

I never spoke to this boy outside of the store where he worked. I would sometimes see him at the food court but we would just smile…nothing more.

I enjoyed going to nightclubs. My mother did not like me going and often I would lie to her saying that I was just staying with a friend and going to the movies. She was afraid that I would experience that sexual assault scene at a night club from the film THELMA AND LOUISE. She made this plain to me on a regular basis. She felt that nightclubs were meat markets and I would get preyed upon and hurt. To be fair, my mother was always over protective of me. I saw this as another example.

I frequented a local club because usually I could just go to dance and most of the time people left me alone. Being a dancer, this was really the main reason I went to dance clubs. I never went alone and was always with a friend. This evening was no exception.

I arrive to the club. The boy from the store was there chatting up a girl and he starts to watch me dance.

I paid him no attention…

He came up to me when I left the dance floor to get a soda. He said hello and asked if he could talk to me. I agreed. He said that the club was too loud and he knew of a place in the club that would be a bit quieter.

I follow him to a room that had been raided by police earlier for people smoking illegal substances. He said it would be ok to chat for a few minutes. I agreed and went with him into the room.

This moment…here…is where I blamed myself in all of this…I should have never been alone with him…I felt I should have known better.

I had no clue that he was dangerous. I worked 2 doors down from him in the same mall. I went to High School with his Assistant Manager…

We go into the room and sit on the couch on the far wall. There are 2 couches. One is on the back wall and the other is on the wall by the door. He tells me he is interested in me and likes me. I was young and inexperienced. I was flattered and suffered a bit of low self esteem.

He kissed me. I kissed him back. He started to grope my body. I pushed away. I said that I didn’t know him that well and this was moving a bit fast for me. He persisted and started to kiss me again and continued to grope me. I pushed away, got up and started to head for the door.

He had locked the door…

Albeit it was locked from the inside, but it was a bit dark and I struggled with the lock…I failed to get it open in time…

He grabbed me and slammed me up against the wall. I struggled to get away from him, but he was far stronger than me. The music outside the room was so loud, no one could hear our struggle.

He started to kiss me with more ferocity. His hands were now going under my shirt and into my shorts. I pushed and tried to force him off of me to no avail. I was not going to break away from him.

My body felt cold. I was going into some kind of trauma induced shock. It was like I was leaving my body.

I defaulted to a calmer state and began to talk to him.

I said, “I’m a good girl. Please…this is all going a bit too fast for me. Maybe we could go out for coffee and a movie sometime. I know you like me. I like you. Let’s go out and see where things go.”

I say all this while he is trying to remove my clothes. He takes a step back for a second seemingly surprised by what I have said. I take this moment to race to the door.

He is fast and grabs me again…

This time he throws me onto the couch by the door with my legs draped over the arm rest pinning me down. He had not managed to remove my clothes yet, but had managed to thoroughly grope me.

I continued to calmly plead with him saying, “Please. This is too fast. I really like you, but this isn’t how I do things. I don’t think this is how you do things. You seem nice. I only know you from work. I’d to get to know you better before we go this far. Let’s go out and see what happens…please.”

He stops trying to remove my clothing and looks at me. He says, “Hurry up and go before I change my mind!”

He takes his weight off of me and I race to the door. I immediately find my friend. I watch him as he leaves that private room and hurries out of the club…I am still in shock as to what has happened to me. I am shaken, cold, and feeling out of my own body.

We leave the club and I tell her what happens. She asks if I should phone the police. I declined…

I did not report this because I was afraid…

I was afraid my mother would be angry and lecture me why she was right. I was afraid no one would believe me. It was my word against his. I felt it was my fault because I went with him into that room alone. And I was still in shock. I did not believe what happened actually happened to me…

While I did not report it, I did speak with the manager at his store. I had gone to High School with him and told him what had happened and what he had done when I shopped there. Whether or not he was fired, I’ve no clue…but the boy was no longer working there shortly thereafter.

That boy started stalking me. He would show up to places where I was. He would watch me work at the mall. I moved to another store at a different mall. A month later he started trying to get work in the same shopping mall at various clothing stores. I had already befriended many of the managers there and discreetly mentioned how he made ladies uncomfortable shopping there because of his suggestive behavior.

He never worked near me and I never saw him again…

I feel some guilt wondering if he has done this to other girls. Ultimately, I was lucky. I talked my way out of my own rape.

Even now all these years later I am in tears writing this remembering every moment…every sound…the bruises from his hands on my wrists…the disgust of his hands groping my body…feeling utterly helpless as I was pinned down pleading for him to stop…my body going cold…and all times I felt shaken and disturbed from triggers setting me back to my experience…

I did not ask to be assaulted and nearly raped. I was not suggestively dressed. He wanted me. It did not matter what I was wearing. It was not my fault.

Some will blame me for being naive and going into a room alone with him. I had no idea he was dangerous and it would not have been any different with a non-dangerous person having a chat in a quieter room. You take greater risks getting behind the wheel of a car than having a quiet chat with an acquaintance.

Final thoughts …

Blaming victims or saying that any woman can avoid being raped by not wearing heels or short skirts is ridiculous.

If someone is going to rape another person, they are going to try no matter what. They are going to do whatever it takes…and unfortunately these people do not wear “I Am A Rapist” signs.

I will not live my life in fear of being raped by not wearing heels or short skirts. I certainly will not blame myself for the evil of my attacker.

Thank You For Reading,

Melliscious xx

A Reckoning Force

My switchy tendencies…and how I am hard to top…

Let me start by saying…I am a very strong willed woman. Those who truly know me…know this…

Few on this planet can effectively top me. In fact, I can count them on one hand. I essentially am a switch. I am 100% switch. This means I give all when I am a dominant and relinquish all control as a sub. I enjoy being a dominant just as much as I enjoy being a sub…

With that said…

It takes a very special individual to be able to top me even more so to dominate me. To top me, an individual has to come at me with a reckoning force that can rival my own.

If I don’t feel a power exchange…If I don’t feel that you can over power me, it will not happen.

I enjoy a battle of wills. I enjoy the power exchange. If I hold the cards. If I hold all of the power and you can not take it from me (or I do not give it to you), you will never win me as a bottom or a sub…

For me, I have to have a top or a Domme/Dom that can indulge that dynamic of the power exchange for it to work. They have to have an air of command about them that I respect. If I think I have ANY control over you, it will not happen.

I enjoy the play. I enjoy the flogging, paddling, etc. It is all fun. However, NONE of it is worth anything to me if the power exchange is not there. I don’t play with anyone for the sake of playing. It isn’t just about the play. It is about me relinquishing control.

I get approached by those who would like to top me. They have bragged about their various skills. Bragging does nothing for me. I have to feel that connection. I have to sense that confidence. I have to see your experience in your eyes. I have to know that when you look at me you are in control…even if we are not playing in the moment. I have to see that air of commanding confidence that rivals the strength of mine and challenges me.

To top me is not about how well you throw a whip. Although I do expect skills from the sadist with whom I play. To top me is to command my submission to your treatments with a look. I am cunning. I am clever. I will outwit many and make many yield to me from walking in the room and giving them that “look”. Force me into submission with your will…but it better be stronger than mine….because I will know if you are weaker than me…

You think you can top me? Am I to submit to you? Heh…make me…

You may have skills but being a dominant to me requires more than the ability to flog, whip, or paddle…It requires a deeper sense of worth, strength, and confidence…I require that from any Domme/Dom…a reckoning force…

Vanilla Nazi Jesus Boy…

I am finding that there are all sorts of people who will contact me interested in establishing a “poly” relationship. I am very cautious with any message I receive on any given dating site. Many men that send me messages think that “poly” means I am indiscriminate and will sleep with anyone. This is NOT the case. I do not have a large amount of sexual partners. I am not really into “one night stands” unless the mood is right and things go in that direction. I am capable of casual sex with certain friends without the demands of a poly relationship. However, even the casual relationships that I have with friends…they are WITH FRIENDS…With the key word being FRIENDS. In these cases, I’ve established a rapport and understanding with them.

Many of the messages I receive on these sites are from married men. I have come across many men who are inclined to cheat on their spouses. I am ethical in my polyamory. I will not be an instrument to an end of a marriage. If I think a man is a cheater, or if he outright says so, it is a deal breaker. I avoid drama in my life and do not want to cause anyone grief.

I was approached on a dating site by a man who said he was in a poly marriage. We chatted a bit seemed to have good conversation. We had common interests and communicated well. I was still a bit leery of this man in regards to the fact that his wife did not seek relationships outside of the marriage. In the cases that I am familiar, both spouses have some play outside of their own relationship. We continue to talk. He says he is unavailable in the evening, for whatever reason (a bit of a red flag to me), so we agree to have lunch during his work day (I was off work).

He works an hour away from me…

I drive out towards his work where he asks me to meet him at a chicken fast food restaurant. I arrive and he is not there. He texts me saying he is running behind and he shows up 15 minutes later.

I was amazed by his appearance. If M.C. Hammer and Vanilla Ice had a mutant baby…it would be this guy. He wore pinstriped “Hammer Pants“, a tattoo style button up shirt, white suede wing tip shoes, and a bluetooth lodged in his ear as an accessory. His bluetooth remained in his ear our entire lunch. This guy looked like a 90’s douchebag. I was trying my best not to judge him by his fashion sense alone…we walk to the fast food counter.

I order my lunch thinking he MIGHT buy since I drove out so far for his convenience. I wasn’t going to expect it, but where I live this would be considered an unspoken courtesy due to high gas prices. I order a salad and an ice water for a grand total of $7. He places his order then the total is given. He gives me a look. I look at the cashier and politely ask her to divide the bill. He says that he will get it next time. I smile and say nothing.

We walk to one of the booths and sit down. It is very difficult for me to take him seriously given his “Ice Ice Baby” appearance but sit an wait for him to speak. He opens his mouth and things only get worse…He is clearly a heavy right winger…

I had chatted with him once online and said JESUS CHRIST in an exclamation via text, and he corrected me. THAT should have been a red flag then…

He tells me he is working to become a deacon in his church and goes to Bible study every Wednesday night. I found it odd that he was so religious and found polyamory to be ok given his traditional sense of Christianity. I ask him about this and he flat out says that he just wants more women.

In regards to me, I am an atheist and have told him this. I mention that again and say that I do appreciate his right to religion and faith. He starts talking about the Bible and all of these references to women and sex.

He continues with his Bible talk, looks at me, and says, “Oh, I must be boring you. You probably don’t understand anything that I am talking about.”

I respond with, “No, not at all. I studied religions in college, have  read 4 different versions of the Bible, the Dead Sea Scrolls, the Nag Hammadi, as well as other Gnostic texts. Have you read any of those? For example, the Gospel according to Mary Magdalene or the Apocryphon of Peter?”

He looks stunned and says, “I’ve only read the King James version…” We stop talking religion.

He then moves onto black people. He says he works with black people and that they all agree that black people are a problem with society. He says they all discuss that black people are a big issue with our city in regards to crime and drugs. He rationalizes that it is ok for him to discuss black people in this manner because his coworkers are black and they agree.I was FLOORED.

People choose to behave the way that they do. It is not because of their skin color… So this guy is a racist…

He goes onto discuss welfare and how he wishes to resolve the issues involved with it. He thinks anyone on welfare should earn their keep and be put into “work camps”. I mention that that sounds a bit “Nazi” and probably would not go over very well. He states that it would be OK if we just said we are “going green”.

I have nothing to say to this man at this point…

He then says that he thinks he should run for President and that I should be his running mate. I politely decline saying that I am not cut out for the job that he wants me to do. He reassures me that I’d be great.

The lunch comes to and end and not soon enough. I walk out to my vehicle and he follows. He tells me he had a lovely time and that he’ll come out closer to me next time we go out.

I awkwardly say, “Oh…yeah…I’ll be seeing you…”

He responds with, “You better!”

He tries to kiss me and I dodge his lips. I am utterly disgusted by this man and cut off all communication.

After 3 months of radio silence. He starts texting me again. I ignore. He then sends me messages on the dating site he initially contacted me. I ignore. After a week of texts, I politely say, “I’m not interested in pursuing anything further with you. Good luck on your search. Have a good day.”

He messages me again on the dating site asking why I am not interested. I thought it best not to respond although a twitter friend said that I should tell him, “Because I call you Nazi Jesus Boy”.

The world is full of diversity. I encounter a myriad of individuals trying their best to find companions in this life…Perhaps there is someone out their for our Nazi esque, racist, uber Jesus, Vanilla Ice wannabe. That someone was clearly not me.

Thank You for Reading,

Melliscious xx

H…The Pretend Dominant…

In the BDSM scene, you encounter all types of people. One thing that I have learned is that there are some men who pretend to be a Dominant (a person giving the bondage and paddling) in order to lure submissive women into their bedrooms. I was a bit new to this scene for I had only played with my partners…not openly with others until a year or so ago…These men say they are experienced but do not actually practice any aspect of BDSM other than cuffing you to a bed and having sex.

I was approached on 2 different dating sites by a man I call H. He messaged me on an adult based site and also on a BDSM site. He said he had been on the scene for a long time.He discussed what he learned from his experience and I felt he sounded legit. We agreed to meet for coffee. He was charming and seemed pleased with me. I found him intriguing. We had lovely conversation and make plans to meet again.

We go out on another date for an evening. He takes me to a nice restaurant and later a dance club. He is doting, very gentlemanly, and ever concerned with whether or not I am having a good time. He is clearly intelligent. My naivety at the time did not see him for what he was. He read me like a book. He knew everything that he needed to say to get me hooked. He was an expert at his trade. He would look at me and tell me what I was thinking and say that it looks like I had made a decision about him… He had experience with other girls that were new to the public scene… and I fell for it… all of it. I was intrigued by him and his ability to relay my thoughts. We started dating regularly…

The first night we had sex, I had met him at a bar. He had been careful to not push me into sex right away. He stimulated my intellect knowing that I am an intellectual. We finally go back to his place. He gives me the tour of his home. It is a large home and he is well off. It is clear that he has money. He directs me to his bedroom and starts to give instructions. He wants me nude on his bed on all fours. He tells me where to lie, what position I am to be in, and what specifically I am to do. I find this exciting. We have sex and he discusses how attractive I am and how much he loves my body. We reach the end and he does something that is a hard limit for me. (It is a deeply personal thing for me so I will not disclose what he does.) I told him that this is something of which that I am not comfortable. He seemed surprised by this and was very apologetic. He said he wouldn’t do this again.

We continue to go on dates. I am leery of sleeping with him again. I start to talk about the local BDSM club that I attend. He knew of the local club. I had never seen him there. He said he was very private in his play and only played at home. The local club has phenomenal equipment and the people there are very welcoming. I found it odd that he didn’t go. I asked him when would we start playing. he said that he didn’t want to rush things. We were already having sex at this point. I did not understand why he didn’t want to start the BDSM aspect we had discussed.Red flags were starting to pop up. We went out a few more times and only had sex 2 more times.

The last time we had sex, he tried to pressure me into allowing him to perform my hard limit saying that he already did it once and that it’d be ok for him to do it again. He pushed me to do it and did it again. This was unforgivable for me. This was a limit that was not negotiable. He broke my trust and clearly did not respect my wishes and limits.

I stopped seeing him. My hard limit…It is a RARE time when I perform it with someone. I have to trust them implicitly and it is not something that I particularly enjoy. It is a gift that I give on my terms. He would not honor that. Submissives allow you to do things to them. You do not take what is not allowed. So, he lost me…for good. I cut off all communication with this man.

I did a bit more research on him. I found out he does prey on submissive girls. A few in the scene told me why he does not come to the local club and it is because his type of behavior is not welcome there. I adore the people at my local club. They look out for one another and have an extensive amount of experience. They work to provide a protected environment for the people who attend. I respect everyone at that club. They think the world of me and I them.

Protect yourselves! If a man is unwillingly to play at a local BDSM club in a safe environment, that is a red flag. The club I attend requires a screening to ensure there are no ill intent people admitted. The location is kept secret. The club has active monitors to ensure safety. This man had problems with this club. This is a red flag. If someone on a BDSM site contacts me for play, I now require that they meet me there…around the people I trust…in this secure place. THAT is now a hard limit. If they are unwilling to meet me there for play, we do not play…we do not meet…ever. I will not be preyed upon again.

Be careful out there…

Thank You for Reading,

Melliscious xx