The Nutty French Professor…A Night chock full of CRAZY

In my journey of polyamory, I have encountered interesting people. One of the oddest dates I have ever been on involved a French professor. We briefly met once for a drink. He called me a few weeks later and asked me to meet him a a local bar. We had a lovely chat the last time so I agreed.

Our next date:

We met at the bar. I had a rum and coke and he had a beer. We chatted for a bit. He mentioned going back to his place to watch a movie and chat because the atmosphere there was loud. I gave him a concerned look. His response? “Don’t worry, I am not going to try to sleep with you.” I tell him that I am required to text my husband the address that I am at whenever I go out for safety purposes. He complies and gives me his information. I follow him in my car and we go back to his place…

He offers to make me a coffee.He brings the French press to the living room and makes it for me there. I sit on the couch. He pops in a movie called CHOKE then has a seat next to me. We barely say anything during the film. He does, however, develop a fascination for the curls in my hair. He slowly starts to pick apart the curls essentially frizzing my hair. He then takes his wolf like nails, scratches my leg and says, “I’m trying to see if I leave any marks on you.”

Bear in mind, we have barely spoken. He is taking odd liberties. After the film is done (film was about a sex addict), he says he needs to go outside for a smoke and asks if I’d like to join him. I agree due to the fact I am oddly curious as to what this odd man might do next…

We go on his balcony (it’s screened in so no fear of being pushed off the edge.). He takes his fingers and starts poking my ribs. I give him an odd look while thinking, “WOW! you are WEIRD aren’t you?” He asks me to turn around and proceeds poking me again. He says that he is trying to see if I am ticklish. He then takes my face into his hands and gives me a rather creepy grin. He frizzes my hair some more. Tis a bit unnerving…We go back inside…

At this point I am hoping that he doesn’t wield a butcher knife and think DINNERTIME! I really didn’t think I was in total danger for he knew that my husband knew where I was…

We sit on the couch and he goes back to destroying my hairstyle and scratching my legs. He looks at me and says that he would like to show me how he kisses but he has bad breath. I offer him a mint. He graciously accepts and I eat one as well.

He looks at me and says, “I guess I could have brushed my teeth since I am at home. It may have been faster than sucking this mint.”

I say, “Well, yes. You could also bite the mint.”

He says, “No it will ruin my teeth!” I give him an odd look… O.o

I tell him that I am going to read one of his French books while he waits for the mint to dissolve. Since I studied Spanish, I thought I might know a few French words..I was also starting to feel like I was in a perpetual Monty Python sketch so playing along with the weirdness became quite fun.

He finishes his mint and kisses me. He is not a bad kisser although his breath did smell of minty cigarettes, beer and coffee. I mention that there were no marks from his nails. He tells me that this is good to know. He says he would like to arrange a play date one night. I smile politely while I am yelling, “Oh HELL NO!” in my head.

He mentions that it is getting late. I agree and we walk to my car. He doesn’t kiss me goodnight or hug me. He says to be safe driving and tells me goodbye. He walks back to his apartment without turning around or waving…

The night does not stop here with the weirdness…

I drive home taking a route that leads me through an unsavory area. It was the fastest route home. I see a car had crashed into a light pole. I stop, get out and phone 911. I walk to the car to find a man slumped over the steering wheel. I ask him if he is ok and can walk. He gets out of the car and leans against the side. I see smoke rising from the car and instruct the man to go to the curb.

The man says, “My cigarettes and glasses are in my car. Will you get them?”

I say, “Sir, I am not going into a smoking car to get your glasses and your cigarettes are in your front pocket.” He pats his ass. I direct him to his shirt.

He says,”I’m not even gonna lie. I am drunk. Just know that I swerved to miss a person and crashed my car. Therefore I sacrificed to save someone’s life!” There was no one in sight.

A lady walks out of her home and tells me she wants to stand with me just for safety’s sake until the police arrive because the area was known for being high crime. I am grateful.

The man says again, “I am very drunk.”

Me, “Yes.”

Man says, “I fucked up my life tonight, didn’t I?”

Me, “Yes, yes you did.” The police arrive and tell me to head home. I make it home safely free from harm but with an unusual night of tales to tell. I have no idea what sort of play the Nutty French Professor wanted to do. I do know that it wouldn’t involve me. You meet all kinds in the kink world. He is one of the many odd ones I have encountered…

Lesson? Make sure someone knows where you are at all times when you are out..

Thanks for Reading,

Melliscious xx

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